Am I Over-Reacting?

[Adzz02]

Hey Guys

Just a bit of advice im after...
When me and my boyfriend are out, like driving or shopping, if there are other 'hot' lads, he has to have a look at them. I admit, i do too but i do it alot more sly and not as much.
The other day, we were out for about an hour just driving around, and i reckon i looked at say 3/4 guys of which he probably saw too, and he looked at say 10 more or so.

... I dont know if im over reacting to this, but it does make me feel a bit self-concious that im not good enough looking for him, or he is bored of me or what? I have said to him before stop looking and tried to make a joke of it and even told him please if your going to do it dont make it so obvious.

Any advice or anything on this? Thankss x

[princealbertofb]

My lovely boyfriend would probably say there's nothing wrong with a bit of "window shopping". It doesn't mean you're going to buy the whole store. In fact it probably means the one he'll be with at the end of the day is you...
I think, if it worries you, you might tell him how you feel about watching other lads and discuss the matter amiably with him. Tell him about yourself and tell him when you see a lad you enjoy watching, see if he shares your interests. That way you might deflate that anxiety balloon that you seem to be blowing up.
They say the grass is always greener (or they think it is) on the other side, but it isn't necessarily true and I'm sure he knows that. Do you have any reason to doubt his attachment to you?

[princealbertofb]

So, as I said, if this activity is like window shopping, why not make a game of it and compare what you two are looking around at? We all enjoy watching a fit actor, it doesn't mean that we're going to stalk him or even try to make him a partner. You ought to be glad that he's making it so obvious, which maybe means that he wants you to see it and that he trusts you not to make a fuss over it?

[Adzz02]

Thanks for the reply .
I see where you're coming from, I have tried to do the same but I guess were both different like personality wise as in I don't think it's fair to do it to him. I have tried to laugh about it with him and things. I just don't feel comfortable when he says like 'i'd let him do me anyday' and other things like that.

[peterinmalaga]

I have the same habit as your bf and my bf comments on it at times, so snap! It doesn't mean anything and I'm sure you realize that. It's also a very difficult habit to stop. And I really don't see why we should. It's an innocent pleasure, doesn't cost anything and doesn't make you fat. I think men are programmed to do that and it's just human nature. Try to be understanding and try to realize that you are the one he wants to be with. How long have you 2 been together? Has he ever strayed? If not, I'm sure it's just a natural reflex and is no threat what so ever.

[marshlander]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of window shopping PA and I sometimes play games like this when we're out together. Sometimes we just look at each other and burst into fits of giggles because it's all so silly. Another game we play is "is he?/isn't he?" ... the gaydar is incredibly well honed in our imaginations ... again another good source of unrestrained laughter.

You cannot control his responses, but you can decide how you would like to respond. As Peter says, longterm habitual responses can take a while to change but it is possible to let go of this kind of anxiety with a lot of practice.

I hope I would be sensitive enough to notice PA's discomfort if I overstepped the mark in showing appreciation for someone else's appearance and I am sure he would feel the same. However, if the empathy muscles are a little flabby we'd probably have a chat about it.

I believe very firmly that the grass is rarely, if ever, greener on the other side of the fence. I tend my own lawn with care and it's the best one in the world.

[prinnydood]

My bf and I both enjoy trying to spot bulges when out in public. It's just fun and sometimes very erotic. Fantasies are best when they are fantasy. If he ever says he would trade you for some stranger, then you need to over-react. I have a tendency toward strong jealousy, and find that reminding myself not to be controlling or demanding helps me not to be mean or nag too much. Also, you need to trust that he would never actually let another guy do him without your consent mile:

[prinnydood]

ALMOST FORGOT! Marsh pointed out the "is he/isn't he" game, its REALLY fun!! especially when you make it a get-to-know your partner game by voicing your opinion on why the guy is or isnt hot. Also guessing how big he is downstairs is fun too :biggrin:

[Adzz02]

Thanks for the replies again guys ! I guess the answe is yes :p.
I think it's just I do get jealous easily, I'll admit that. I suppose it trying to find a way to control that part somehow... Lol x

[snoopy]

Thanks for the replies again guys ! I guess the answe is yes :p.
I think it's just I do get jealous easily, I'll admit that. I suppose it trying to find a way to control that part somehow... Lol x

jealousy is an emotion and emotions are incredibly hard to control , dont beat yourself up too much mister