Don't Exactly Know what to do?

[princealbertofb]

We are not complete strangers, but my point was exactly that it would be nice to be able to sit down and talk... you obviously both need to. And to do so in an environment where you could both listen. Take him out for a meal somewhere (a neutral environment) and have that chat.

[peterinmalaga]

When I reread my first post to you, I can see that I was a touch confrontational but you have risen to the challenge and that shows that you are serious about your boyfriend, still love him and are willing to give it another try. I agree with princealbertofb that you need to set some time aside to have a good discussion about your relationship but I would do this at home and go out to the restaurant afterwards. If there is any danger that you will be raising your voices or getting emotional, you don't want to do this in public. I would say “Don't take no for an answer” if your bf is not keen on the idea of talking. You need to be assertive here (but still tactful and sensitive). Tell him that it's because you love him that you want to sort things out like this and that it is really important to you. Don't do this in a piecemeal way (a little bit today, a bit tomorrow etc.). Have one good session, get it all out in the open and then leave the subject alone for a good while. Agree some ground rules: e.g you can be totally honest without being offensive. Discuss one another's behaviour without attacking the other person as a person (e.g. say “When you do this ….., I feel really shitty” but don't say “I find you really arrogant sometimes”.) Don't take any alcohol or drugs beforehand. Afterwards do something that will re-establish the bond between you (a meal, movie, sex – whatever you both like. I hope this is useful. I know this will not be easy for you but sweeping it all under the carpet won't work. So good luck.

[Anonymous]

You weren't confrontational! At least It didn't seem that way! I tried talking to him today but froze up on how to start I just said nevermind and moved on.... That's one of my problems Is I don't know how to start off.... Now if I wrote a letter I can be upfront without any problems but to me a letter about our problems is not the best idea because he can't defend himself and I can't really answer questions as the arise.... I have a little thinking to myslef and I am happy and I want this to work I just feel he has to change in order for things to work. Over the past 5 years I have changed so much. And to elaborate how I have and how he hasn't.....

I used to be a jealous person and insecure about everything, when ever he would find someone cute, even someone on tv cute I would get very defensive and it would cause an arguement. But now I'm not like that anymore.... One of the main rEasons I changed was because of him... Soon after we got together I found a fake myspace account hE had... It was someone elses name and picture and he had noting but gay friends all younger than him and the emails he sent to them were very very sexual... I compared it to cheating because even though he was being someone else he still had those thougts... Well he deleted it and said he would never do it again.... We he did he did it 4 more times... So when I found the last one I just gave up caring for what he did and who he talked to and it worked... I gave lost those jealous and insecure thoughts even though he continued to do the myspace thing... Yes it still bugs me he went behind my back and did that but I had to move on.

[marshlander]

This relationship is not working. He feels compelled to do his thing (whatever that is) in secret and you spy on him. Unless you can both get a bit of honesty back into this relationship you're not going to fix it either.

It sounds like you are both hanging on to something that's broken because you can't deal with moving on.