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05-13-2010, 05:41 PM

Hi I've known for quite a while, but only started the forum thing recently.. Umm.. So I have a few questions about you know.. I'm not sure if any of this sounds offensive but please don't be offended I'm just really curious.

1. Are there like subtypes? I just like guys but I'm not into fashion and my voice doesn't have that tone. Honestly the only thing gay about me is that I like guys and I'm just wondering about that.

2. (Pertaining to question 1) Just like how I act really masculine, my "type" is also masculine guys and I'm not at all turned on by guys who kind of look like girls, so that's okay right?

3. Last umm.. you think it's okay for me to stay in the closet and have a secret life? You see I'm in a predicament, I'm the last boy in the WHOLE family, the other 5 boys are coincidentally gay. So that means my family thinks I'm the only one who can carry the family name.

I really don't know if this could offend anyone but I just really needed to ask if anyone could help me.. Confused

mile:

05-13-2010, 06:26 PM

Awrite mate.

1. There is no type of gay guy. Everyone is different. Gay guys will range from extremely feminine to extremely masculine.

2. Again everyone is different and into different things. I'm not into feminine guys at all and prefer more masculine boyfriends.

3. Only you can decide whether you should come out or not. I left it till I was 28 and regret not being more open with my family and friends earlier in life. If your gay then you never going to be having kids of your own and "carry on the family name" My opinion is, who cares! All that matters is that you do what's right for you and be honest with folk. But as I said only you can make the decision as to whether it is right for you to come out or not. But I think hiding away will only get more and more difficult.

And no, I don't find any of what you have said offensive. Confused

mile:

fredv3b · 05-13-2010, 06:40 PM

Hi Twisty,

Welcome to GS. Rest assured I am not offended. I'll answer your points out of order if I may. Being an only child myself I understand the pressure to carry on the family line. However are you seriously saying you have 5 gay brothers and can't talk to any of them about being gay?!!!! Don't you think that they might have gone through the same stuff and feelings as you? I dare say if your parents have managed to produce 5 gay sons, somebody must have wondered whether the 6th (you) might be gay too. However, on get to your actual question:-

twisty88 Wrote:3. Last umm.. you think it's okay for me to stay in the closet and have a secret life?

Do I think its okay for you to stay in the closet and have a secret life for now, until you are ready to come out? Yes, certainly. Do I think its okay for you to stay in the closet permanently? No, its not good for you to have to live a lie, or at least pretend to. Also, to an extent, your family probably does deserve some honesty, eventually. Yes, the pressure to father kids makes it more difficult, however frankly, that will only tend to diminish when you reach your fifties. In any case, in the 21st century being gay is not an absolute barrier to fatherhood.

twisty88 Wrote:1. Are there like subtypes? I just like guys but I'm not into fashion and my voice doesn't have that tone. Honestly the only thing gay about me is that I like guys and I'm just wondering about that.

No we are not all stereotypical gays, I am pretty sure that in one way or another most of us don't fit that narrow media stereotype. I know I have an appalling dress sense, I like having a boyfriend to tell me what not to wear. The former Welsh Rugby Captain, Gareth Thomas, recently came out, if that does not prove to you that you can be gay and masculine then I don't know what will.

twisty88 Wrote:2. (Pertaining to question 1) Just like how I act really masculine, my "type" is also masculine guys and I'm not at all turned on by guys who kind of look like girls, so that's okay right?

Yes its okay to be into masculine guys. If Mr Thomas, takes your fancy then I am afraid there might be a bit of a queue. Wink

05-13-2010, 09:30 PM

NOT my brothers I have two sisters and five cousins who are gay. Basically I'm the ONLY chance nearly my whole family is routing for.

fredv3b · 05-13-2010, 10:35 PM

My apologies for my misunderstanding.

05-14-2010, 12:55 AM

These are good honest questions...nothing to be offended by...

The first one is easy. I definitely don't fit the stereotype and I worked in a gay bar (and I am definitely gay). I even had my customers...some of whom had known me for years...ask me if I was SURE I was gay LOL I didn't "get it" for a long time but like you I could give a damn about fashion or hair and I happen to have a deep voice ...but I do LOVE Liza Minelli and Broadway Musicals...so there Rofl

! I never thought I was overly masculine either but apparently I am to other people. Thing is...you just have to be yourself...If other people want to stereotype you let them...it has nothing to do with anything. Also...it helps to accept other people as they are without judgement or stereotyping because chances are if you are judging them you are also judging yourself and you will be doing yourself a disservice.

Your second question..of course it is OK to be attracted to masculine men. I like the quiet sensitive gentle type myself...I don't know why...I just do. You will find plenty of masculine men who are attracted to other masculine men. Just be true to yourself and you can't go wrong.

The third one is easy really. I had a high school friend who wanted me to be the father of her children...I was openly gay and because I loved her as a friend I agreed so I have two daughters...she raised them. You can easily find a woman who wants children and knows you are gay...people marry and have children for all different reasons and alot of women want children and a husband in name only...maybe a lesbian? One thing...don't live a lie...you will regret it and it isn't fair to anyone. If it is important for you to please your family make sure it isn't totally at the expense of who you are and never do it at anyone else's expense (If you find a woman make sure she knows you are gay)

05-14-2010, 07:29 AM

Thank you guys I'm still new to you know.. So thanks again I myself enjoy musicals especially modern ones, thanks again for the help.

05-14-2010, 07:44 AM

I really like this place, everyone is really nice here. Thank you again for everyone's help

05-14-2010, 10:32 AM

Hello, twisty88 and welcome to GaySpeak. Sorry to be a bit late to this discussion, but I find nothing offensive about your message at all. I've little to add to anything that has already been said except to say that some people have never suspected I was gay, while some thought I was since they first knew me. Like any group of people anywhere, we are all different.

Best wishes to you.