Should I ask him

[Anymouse]

I'll try to make this short as I can. I'm 65 years old and have never had a sexual experience with man or women. I grew up in a time when having gay feelings was a no no; so it was self-gratification all the way. Now I'm 65 and want to have gay sex at least once in my life. I'm completely straight acting and in the closet. I don't want to do it with a stranger, just can't.

I have this young man who lives with me, completyely platonic. He comes from a broken home and has been on his own for several years. Basically I help support him while he gets his life in order. I care deeply for him, that is why this is so hard. I just found out completely by accident that he is bi-sexual. He has a girl friend, but I found pictures of him on craigs list where he has been soliciting gay sex. This is a very secret part of his life. I would really like to talk to him about this, his feelings, etc, and the possibility of us having a sexual encounter at least once. But I'm afraid this may ruin our relationship don't know what to do. talk to him or not. any help. thanks.

[juk]

Hey,

I feel that it is not a good idea to do this with this guy. It sounds like you have a close bond with him, and is it really worth potentially destroying that? You are something stable in his life, approaching him for sex may well turn that upside down for him. If he is keeping his bisexuality private, allow him to continue to do so - although you can promote acceptance without telling him you found his listing.

Look, you are 65 - there is still plenty of life ahead of you. One good thing the internet brought to the world is the bringing together of like minded people. It is completely possible to meet someone via the internet, someone who will take the time to get to know you, will respect the fact that you are not out and will take things at your pace.

I wish you luck mile:

[Gareth125]

I would strongly advise just DON'T GO THERE , he most likely needs you to be the father figure in his life and thats the most important thing to him , It would most likey be somthing you would end up regreting and the relationship may never be the same again afterwards , then you will have to live with the fact that you abused the trust bestowed on you . There are loads of guys out there ( so i'm told) , just work on finding the right person for you to be intimate with

[marshlander]

Hello, Anymouse. Welcome to our little part of the cyberverse. Far too many people have suffered from the rigidity that forced us into trying to be straight. The web has really opened up possibilities and my experience is that there is now more tolerance of diversity ... or is it just that the web has given us the confidence to act knowing we are not alone?

While I am sad to hear that you have not yet found it possible to share physical intimacy with someone else I would join the others and say that you risk losing a lot more than you might gain from making a move on your young house mate. I find myself in agreement with the principles outlined in the comments above although it momentarily crossed my mind to wonder if there were some way you might leave open some cues for him to make a move on you. However, I'm going to reject that idea too. If he's conducting his gay life in secret his girlfriend doesn't know. Were it to come to light that you had "taken advantage of a vulnerable young man" (because that is probably how it would be interpreted by others) his girlfriend could spread enough gossip to make your life hell. Looking at the news in Yuma and reading the comments of the city's homophobic mayor I've no doubt this could happen :eek:.

There are many dating sites, including some aimed specifically at older people, and this probably passes pretty much for a traditional route for meeting others these days. I know it's a total market-place, but I would advise this more than jeopardising the good things you have now. I know a man who finally came out in his late 60s, who now has a boyfriend and who seems happier and healthier than he has done for many years. It can happen and I hope it happens for you. It may seem difficult and unsympathetic, but I think I must join the others in suggesting you try to keep your relationship with your house mate platonic.

Good luck and best wishes.

[toeman]

I would go for it.

[Anymouse]

I have to admit I agree with you all that "not doing it" is probably the right thing for now. I have anguished over this for some time and came to the conclusion there was much more to loose than to gain. While I hate the idea of random strangers enjoying his affection and the dangers that go with it; it's something I just can't do anything about. I doubt he will ever tell me or anyone else about his bi-sexuality.

I have played with the idea of just telling him about my feelings; but I think it would be almost impossible to do that without him becoming suspicious I know about him. thanks so much for the comments.

[juk]

Hey, dont give up on finding a love and life of your own!