Heartbroken. I really need some help. Thanks.

[goodboy15]

Hi everyone.
So my exbf broke up with me yesterday after 7 months of dating. He was a good guy, the perfect guy for me, I thought. It's just that recently before the breakup, he became so busy with his job, as a manager of a restaurant. I missed him so much. He barely texted or called me and we couldn't see each other since he had to work for almost 7 days. I told him I was just there waiting for him if had time. But then he broke up with me because he didn't want me to wait for him or like him hurt me always just because he couldn't text/call/see me. I know what he meant, he sacrificed "us" because he didn't want me to become sad and lonely. But why? I loved and still love him so much. Why he gave up on us?

I want him back but I know he already made his decision. I don't know what to do. Please help me. I love this guy and I don't ever want to lose him. By the way, he said to me he needed a friend now not a boyfriend since he can't be a boyfriend with all his situation now.

Thanks for reading.

[Geminight]

Become that friend. Try to show that you still want to be number one in his life. And try talking to him, and telling him how you feel about it all, that him leaving you is making you feel more sad and lonely than you waiting on him would make you feel. Well, that is if you can get a hold of him.

[juk]

Hey

Sorry to hear of your situation, its not an easy time I know.

First off I would say that being friends is probably not the right thing to do right now. When you are still in love with a guy its hard to be there as a friend because you end up hoping that things will lead in a certain direction and back into the relationship. Plus its is really painful when you see the signs that he is moving on and have to put on a brave face for the sake of the friendship. Having said that remaining friendly is a different thing, and could work.

Will he talk any more about the reasons behind the breakup? Seems to me that in your situation it would be more common for the person left at home to be the one who feels like breaking up. My feeling is there is more behind this, and he is using work as a way to make a difficult time a little easier. Only he knows the real reason behind it, but if he will talk then why not give that a go so you can find out.

In the meantime do you have friends who can be there and support you through this time? Now would be a good time to give yourself a little space to adjust and gather your thoughts - and it may also give this guy a bit of time to think about what he really wants too.

take care mile:

[marshlander]

Sorry to hear about your break-up. We've all been there and it hurts like hell.

I lean toward agreeing with juk. Your head and your heart are going to be all over the place for a while. When you feel able to face the world get out there and try and pick up where you left off. In my experience it takes a while for things to settle down to turn an ex-bf into a "friend", particularly if the break-up was one-sided. It's all too easy for the dumpee to turn into a crazed stalker without realising it. For whatever reason he has decided that a relationship with you can't be his priority at the moment. You might not like it, you might not be able to respect it, but that's where you are, unfortunately.

You will know that "we can still be friends" is something many of us say when we want to try and soften the blow. How many times do we mean it?

Best wishes to you at this horrible time.

[goodboy15]

Thanks for the replies everyone.
So a day after our breakup, he texted me and he said, "Are you okay? Hopefully you're okay. I never meant to hurt you. You are very sweet and very special to me. I just can't hurt you..."
And tears flowed down on my face.

Why does he still text me like that? I am still in love with him. I can't help myself from reminiscing. He was the best bf I've ever had until he got too busy. Maybe he has someone new? I don't know. But I know I have to move on. I HAVE TO!

[marshlander]

Thanks for the replies everyone.
So a day after our breakup, he texted me and he said, "Are you okay? Hopefully you're okay. I never meant to hurt you. You are very sweet and very special to me. I just can't hurt you..."
And tears flowed down on my face.

Why does he still text me like that? I am still in love with him. I can't help myself from reminiscing. He was the best bf I've ever had until he got too busy. Maybe he has someone new? I don't know. But I know I have to move on. I HAVE TO!

Good man. I think you are right. He's asking for some kind of affirmation from you that you are okay, because he probably doesn't want to seem to be the bad guy. If he stopped and thought about you for more than a nano-second he would know that you are not going to be okay for a while to come. Hope you feel better sooner rather than later.

[goodboy15]

Is there any chance that he would get back to me? I somewhat felt that he really loves me. The only problem is his job! Maybe if he wasn't really that busy, we would still be together. Why waste everything?

Sorry, maybe I sound so desperate or whatever hehe

[narat]

Is there any chance that he would get back to me? I somewhat felt that he really loves me. The only problem is his job! Maybe if he wasn't really that busy, we would still be together. Why waste everything?

Sorry, maybe I sound so desperate or whatever hehe

I don't know if he would, but it seems hypothetical now. If I were him, even if I had a restaurant to manage (and I do know just how time-consuming running a business can be), I don't think I'd be capable of dumping someone I loved, if I was confident that he loved me too. I would find a way of spending time with him, even if it wasn't much, or at least communicating with him regularly... but that's just me. At any rate, his text the day after the break-up just seems insensitive ("I just can't hurt you" - isn't that exactly what he's done?!) He's okay, apparently, so I can only conclude that he isn't as keen on you as you are on him.

BTW, you don't sound desperate. You sound far less so than I was last year, when something kind of similar happened to me (long story, you don't want to know!)

All the best, hope you'll feel better soon.

[eastofeden]

Although it might not seem so at this moment...everytime a door closes another one opens. MY advice is to learn what you can from your experience and allow the door to close...and the next one to open. Good Luck!

[goodboy15]

Here's the thing. This is actually the second time it happened to me. The guy before him dumped me too because he was too busy. So I start thinking that maybe I should blame myself. Coz sometimes when we were still together, I asked him if he could give me at least a little time to spend together. So that maybe triggered him to break up with me. You think so?
I keep questioning myself if I "actually did this break up." You know what I mean?

@narat, I know. If you really love a person, you will make time for him despite all the busyness. Maybe he didn't really love me? But why took so long? Or maybe he had fallen out of love. =( My fault? =(