Heads a shed.

[ben]

I am making a right pigs ear of myself with this guy.
I have messed him about a bit to yesterday.
I was supposed to go to he's place again.
First of I said that I would be at he's place for about 8 then I said that I was off to watch the football with some mates cos I changed me mind.
Then he text me and I then said Id not bothered with football so was now still up for going then 2 hours later I then text him back saying that me mates have turned up at my place and am sorry but am not going to be able to make it. Think Ive left him feeling a bit peed and he has said in a text thanks for messing him about!

I never ever do stuff like this normally. Am the most easy person to organize something normally and I never make a fuss like this.
The reason am doing this I think is cos am just not that into him. I only did wont just to be mates with him and to be able to act me self and not hide the fact that I think am gay of witch am still not to sure about. But I know he's after moor and even if I was sure of myself I know I would not wont moor with this guy. Where just from different worlds.

Now this morning i have talked a little on MSN and he's telling me that I got some serious making up to do. I guss I do but how do I put this right?
My head is really all over the place. Ive told him that but he don't seem bothered.
He thinks I regret spending the night with him. I don't even though I was very drunk but I don't regret any of that. It doesn't mean that I wish to carry on any further with him tho.

Do I just block him out of my life or do I try and be honest with him. I just think I well end up hurting him. I already seem to have had even though we only spent one night together. Plus I don't really know if I can trust this guy. He seems like the sort of person that if he sew me with me mates he would out me cos I upset him. That's a worry cos he lives quiet close by and dose go to pubs and stuff that I go to with me mates.

I have messed him about but I have at the same time made no promises to him and have never told him that am looking for anything but mates.
When I told him again that all I wont is mates he said that he thought I regretted what happend and when I convinced him that I did not regret it he said fine we can be mates that have fun as well. All I said to that was "lol"

[marshlander]

Oh dear, what a muddle! Just grab a corner of the plaster and pull it off quickly. You'll both get over it. Can't you just tell him that you are sorry that you don't want anything more than a friendship, but that you did enjoy your night together and he helped you find out something about yourself? For that you are grateful, but you don't want to take it further ... ?

Be prepared to accept the responsibility if necessary. You'll survive.

[ben]

Ye I guss thats what I got to do.
Am just not doing that in a very good way and he's not making it easy for me to do that.
I think he thinks that if we stay friends that well become moor.
Am finding it hard to convince him differently in a nice way.
Think maybe I should just be really blunt about it and stop being so soft.
I just don't think he well take it so well. Witch I would still do cos I think in the long run that would be the kindest thing to do. But I think if I did that it would blow up in my face if he sew me one day with me mates.

See I don't mind being out and honest with me mates. But I really don't wont to do that in tell I know what I wont. That's really for me to do not anyone else. Just i do also think this guy is a bit of a drama queen and gets off on stuff like this sometimes where is if someone was doing my head in I would just walk away.

[marshlander]

Life is just too full of learning opportunities sometimes! Actually, the real crime here is that you are made to feel you need to remain in the closet. Until we are all able to be ourselves they'll always be people at a disadvantage.

[ben]

I am learning that is true. And actually everything you just said is true.
Your a wise man marshlander.

[juk]

Hey Ben,

Well I think anyone would get a bit annoyed with the plan changes lol. But hey, thats life!

Sounds like you have been clear with him about what you want, but as you say he seems to think that things may develop if you stay friends.

It is possible to be bluntly honest with him without being too hurtful. I think it would be an idea to meet him somewhere for a chat and tell him exactly what you feel about staying friends with benefits. Be frank and honest in telling him that you can never be more with him because you lead very different lifestyles - and point out that no matter how long you stay friends you know you will not change how you feel.

I was trying to think what I would do in this situation and to be honest I would find it difficult to decide. If the benefits were that good I would stick with the friendship and give regular reminders that things will never be more. But then part of me thinks is it worth the potential hassle - plenty more guys out there! I think you need to make a decision and roll with it. Yeah he could cause a scene in front of your friends, but chances are he wont - unless you noticed bunnies boiling when you stayed at his.....?

[ben]

That is actually what I am thinking I need to do. Next time I talk on MSN to him am going to ask if I can come to see him but only to talk. I do need to get a lot moor assertive then I have been.
After posting what I have here and reading your post and marshlander's I do seem to have a clear head.
Am going to make it plan fully clear that all I wont is friends and to only be friends with out the sexy fun.
Think maybe it well be a good idea if I make sure I don't drink around him as well just to make sure I stick to what I actually wont.

Think also I should make sure I actually wont to go out with a guy next time be for jumping into bed with him also.

But also as you say its also difficult to decide if a friendship is a good idea with this guy as well.
You both really got where am at right here with all this.

Am doing things that are way out of character for me.
I really would had thought I was making a bad impression with this guy but I guss not bad enough.
If I was him I would had totally had fucked me off by now.

And well if it all gows tits up and he dose see me with a mate or mates and dose act like a little bitch then well nothing I can do about that. I guss if that dose happen I just hold me hands up and say ye OK that's me finding out what i wont out of life. I cross that bridge if I ever get to it.
He might not be like that though I just don't know really.

PS, I did not notice any bunnies lol
I picked a bunny for my avi cos I was born in th Chinesees year of the rabbit It supposed to be lucky. I hope he not got a rabbits foot. Maybe he dose have a fetish for rabbit lol