Hello I am Jay and I am New
07-30-2010, 03:33 PM
Hello everyone.
Okay bear with me as I haven't participated in any social networking/web discussion since year 2000. I'm not sure how to introduce myself. But I'll try my best.
I'm Jay, 27 years old lad designer who is currently having a big problem in confronting and approaching a relationship due to my past. I'm still trying to learn and understand how to embrace a relationship. I will explain later in the Need Advice section of this forum.
I'm still a virgin. I have two reasons why I am still am. One, because I'm saving it for the right one and the only one. Yes, I am that lovey-dovey old school type of guy. Two, due to my past.
My close friends and few of their friends know that I am gay but majority of people still do not know that I am. It's not actually easy to come out in my country due to the country's main religion (Islam), strong cultures and alike. But I'm getting tired of not allowing myself to be myself. It's plain torture.
I'm planning to come out to my colleagues slowly. I don't think it would be a big problem as all of my colleagues are non Muslim and they are very open minded. I detect few of them can already guess that my sexual preference is different from the other male colleagues. Wish me luck.
My family particularly my parents do know that I am gay. They found out about it when I was still a teenager by raiding my bedroom and tracking my Internet cookies. They were seriously heartbroken by it. My mom cried helplessly at a corner of our living room. My dad refused to talk for days. It drove me literally insane that it is not possible for me to describe. I fell down to my knees in front of my mom and apologized. I told her that I will change.
I stopped being gay for a few years but who am I to lie? I am not interested in girls at all. So now I am back into my 'root' but my parents think that I am cured from homosexuality. Oh yeah, I did try to attempt suicide due to this when I was a teen. I actually kept a machete under my bed for a few weeks - just in case. But fortunately I didn't follow that route. I'm happy to be alive as I have a wonderful life now.
I'm agnostic. I come from a religious family. My parents are wonderful, easy going and sporting parents but they don't play with religion. My sister and lil bro are religious too. I have no idea about my big brother. I used to be religious. I used to attend religious school and was a high school preacher. I led hundred of kids for pray everyday. But I found flaws and holes in my religion as I went deeper into my religion, the religion's holy book and plus knowing that I am gay. No matter how religious I am, I will still be dumped into hell for being gay. Bummer. I prefer to use common sense and brain rather than obeying a rule/direction that doesn't allow you to ask why, what if and more.
I haven't spoke to my big brother for almost 15 years, my little brother for around 10 years and there was a point where I did not speak to my sister for a few years. All these mostly due to my homosexual orientation. My little brother in particular hates my gut that he couldn't stand to sit on a same couch or in the same living room. I can see his hatred towards me in his eyes. Sad thing is we used to be closed to each other as my sister and big brother spent their years in boarding schools. So I pampered and spoiled my little brother as much as a big brother can do. But well, things changed when he found out that I am gay.
I know that I am gay since I was in kindergarten. I kid you not. I was really fascinated with my big brother's male friends particularly this one guy. But that doesn't beat my most gay-ish moment when I was a kindergarten kid, which I rather not tell because it sounds err ... slutty. It was nothing sexual but still, believe me, it was slutty. Let just say that I still feel bad for these three Japanese students. They ended up in detention (nothing worse than that I hope) due to my own fault and sluttiness.
Ok that's my introduction.
Oh yeah, I used to be 363 lbs and now 154 lbs guy. It took me grueling 5 years and still on going to 'revolutionize' myself.
So there. My little short introduction.
Okay bear with me as I haven't participated in any social networking/web discussion since year 2000. I'm not sure how to introduce myself. But I'll try my best.
I'm Jay, 27 years old lad designer who is currently having a big problem in confronting and approaching a relationship due to my past. I'm still trying to learn and understand how to embrace a relationship. I will explain later in the Need Advice section of this forum.
I'm still a virgin. I have two reasons why I am still am. One, because I'm saving it for the right one and the only one. Yes, I am that lovey-dovey old school type of guy. Two, due to my past.
My close friends and few of their friends know that I am gay but majority of people still do not know that I am. It's not actually easy to come out in my country due to the country's main religion (Islam), strong cultures and alike. But I'm getting tired of not allowing myself to be myself. It's plain torture.
I'm planning to come out to my colleagues slowly. I don't think it would be a big problem as all of my colleagues are non Muslim and they are very open minded. I detect few of them can already guess that my sexual preference is different from the other male colleagues. Wish me luck.
My family particularly my parents do know that I am gay. They found out about it when I was still a teenager by raiding my bedroom and tracking my Internet cookies. They were seriously heartbroken by it. My mom cried helplessly at a corner of our living room. My dad refused to talk for days. It drove me literally insane that it is not possible for me to describe. I fell down to my knees in front of my mom and apologized. I told her that I will change.
I stopped being gay for a few years but who am I to lie? I am not interested in girls at all. So now I am back into my 'root' but my parents think that I am cured from homosexuality. Oh yeah, I did try to attempt suicide due to this when I was a teen. I actually kept a machete under my bed for a few weeks - just in case. But fortunately I didn't follow that route. I'm happy to be alive as I have a wonderful life now.
I'm agnostic. I come from a religious family. My parents are wonderful, easy going and sporting parents but they don't play with religion. My sister and lil bro are religious too. I have no idea about my big brother. I used to be religious. I used to attend religious school and was a high school preacher. I led hundred of kids for pray everyday. But I found flaws and holes in my religion as I went deeper into my religion, the religion's holy book and plus knowing that I am gay. No matter how religious I am, I will still be dumped into hell for being gay. Bummer. I prefer to use common sense and brain rather than obeying a rule/direction that doesn't allow you to ask why, what if and more.
I haven't spoke to my big brother for almost 15 years, my little brother for around 10 years and there was a point where I did not speak to my sister for a few years. All these mostly due to my homosexual orientation. My little brother in particular hates my gut that he couldn't stand to sit on a same couch or in the same living room. I can see his hatred towards me in his eyes. Sad thing is we used to be closed to each other as my sister and big brother spent their years in boarding schools. So I pampered and spoiled my little brother as much as a big brother can do. But well, things changed when he found out that I am gay.
I know that I am gay since I was in kindergarten. I kid you not. I was really fascinated with my big brother's male friends particularly this one guy. But that doesn't beat my most gay-ish moment when I was a kindergarten kid, which I rather not tell because it sounds err ... slutty. It was nothing sexual but still, believe me, it was slutty. Let just say that I still feel bad for these three Japanese students. They ended up in detention (nothing worse than that I hope) due to my own fault and sluttiness.
Ok that's my introduction.
Oh yeah, I used to be 363 lbs and now 154 lbs guy. It took me grueling 5 years and still on going to 'revolutionize' myself.
So there. My little short introduction.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
Virgo
mile: