A Short Outburst Concerning Preconceptions Of What I Want To Do With My Life.

[DtotheJtotheM]

I wrote this yesterday after meeting an old "friend". They were cynical and took my approach to my dreams very lightly. I felt enraged and proceeded to type out what, looking back, I should have enunciated to their face. And I think I will.

-

It is a challenge to remain positive. It would be so easy to sink back beneath my covers, staring at the wall and crying about things that I tell others to do without crying. It would be so easy to just go to art college and get a nice job as a local photographer that maybe even some day might have one of his photographs go viral. It would be so easy to be something that isn’t me, I am an actor after all. It would be so easy to be attractive, have lots of friends and never have to worry about expectations because I'd keep my opinions to myself. It would be so easy to meet, fuck and maybe someday marry someone nice. It really would be.

This is unacceptable. I will not resign myself to a life in a society that is bleeding itself dry of imagination and of humanity. That’s not what I want. I want to be a performance artist, a writer and a poet, a photographer, an actor, an entertainer. I choose to be ugly, to make myself ugly to the world. I choose art. I do not care if you think that I am an armchair dreamer or a crossed-arms dealer. I will die in the gutter before dying in my sleep after a perfectly lovely life spent with routine and ebb and flow. I don’t want to be without passion. If I do not have passion, I cannot truly love anything. Or anyone.

I want what I want, and if one does not like it, then I will gladly exclude you from my plan. I choose to be me. I choose to be something bigger than what my true friends would hope for me, something more depraved than my enemies’ opinions of me. The pursuit of a life filled with art and philosophy is mine to pursue, and I will.

I am.

[juk]

Ummm, ok then.......

[jwm]

I think it's pretty admirable you think that way and are confident enough in yourself to know what you want to be and stick to that even though its not always easy.
I know a lot of people, and sadly myself included to an extent, who aren't so brave.

Best of luck Mr.

[fredv3b]

I hate to be a cynic like your friend but .....

There are many things I want to do, however first and foremost I NEED to earn a living. That means I do something that other people want me to do.

[DtotheJtotheM]

I hate to be a cynic like your friend but .....

There are many things I want to do, however first and foremost I NEED to earn a living. That means I do something that other people want me to do.

That's fine. You aren't being cynical; you're being realistic, which I agree with with in terms of logic completely. My friend however was specifically "advising" me that I should only do one thing with my life. I'm not denouncing earning a living. I'm denouncing not being true to yourself, or at least being without passion for things. I will gladly do what other people want me to do in the spirit of human co-operation. Besides, the "outburst" I wrote is just that, an outburst. It's idealistic, and indeed I don't particularly want to restrict my life to one plan. I can be and do anything I want.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

I feel so honored to have met even only via Internet someone with such beliefs and such personality. I hope with all my heart that you achieve what you stand for.

[DtotheJtotheM]

I think it's pretty admirable you think that way and are confident enough in yourself to know what you want to be and stick to that even though its not always easy.
I know a lot of people, and sadly myself included to an extent, who aren't so brave.

Best of luck Mr.

Thank you very much. It sure ain't easy performing on the streets and ending up with two euro at the end of the day, but I love it.

[DtotheJtotheM]

I feel so honored to have met even only via Internet someone with such beliefs and such personality. I hope with all my heart that you achieve what you stand for.

Thank you very, very much! I intend to. (:<

[Vikta]

Your 'outburst' reminded me of a favorite quote that I came across some time ago... It was as relevant and inspiring as it needed to be when I first read it. Don't be led into thinking that there must exist some conflict or chasm between pursuing ones passion and being realistic in how you earn a 'living'. Happiness oftentimes eludes those who lack passion...

Good luck in your journey through life!

"You're obliged to pretend respect for people and institutions you think absurd. You live attached in a cowardly fashion to moral and social conventions you despise, condemn, and know lack all foundation. It is that permanent contradiction between your ideas and desires and all the dead formalities and vain pretenses of your civilization which makes you sad, troubled and unbalanced. In that intolerable conflict you lose all joy of life and all feeling of personality, because at every moment they suppress and restrain and check the free play of your powers. That's the poisoned and mortal wound of the civilized world." ~Octave Mirbeau