Overheard my mom's reaction to a friend coming out....

[SrChulo]

Well, my mom met with an old friend of ours the other day. The woman really confided in my mother during dinner (as people tend to do, she's an amazing person) and told her that her son (my old child-hood friend) is gay.

My mom relayed this info to me yesterday. I am not out to her, and the biggest reason has been because I have (had?) no clue how she would take it. She is religious, conservative, the works. We have an amazing relationship. Still, I was worried that she might throw me out or something.

Well, as my mom broke the "news" about this kid, I realized that it this boy is probably the first gay person that she met as a straight person. Meaning, the first person that she found out is GAYYY. So her reaction was very new to me, we have never discussed 'coming out' or anything, because there was no reason to. We don't have gay friends.

So I had to play along like "oh, really? he's gay?" (even though it was already clear as day from his facebook. :p) I didn't do any award-winning acting.

Later I heard her talking to my aunt on the phone about this whole ordeal. That's when her real feelings came out. She said stuff like:

"I keep thinking about this"
"It seemed like I was more concerned about it than Mary Jo was! (the boy's mom)"
"I asked her, 'how do you deal with that?' Obviously you still LOVE them.... of course.. you would never disown them."
"I really don't know how I would react.. i just really don't know. It must be so hard to come to terms with that" (<--- sounded completely hypothetical)
"I think i'd push them to try dating more.... because I wouldn't want to accept it."



If it sounds like she has a clue about me--- I WISH!!! She still asks me to tell her about the girls I like (I've never had a girlfriend, but the small 'flings' i did have she brings up often). I consistently deny that I am interested in anyone in particular

So, there was some good and bad in what I overheard. My biggest fear was that she'd completely disown me and never want to talk to me again. I'm glad that's not the reality. However, it's obvious that this is COMPLETELY new to her. She has never witnessed anyone coming out in her life it seems. So I'm not sure right now is the best time to tell her. I am thinking of telling my sister this week though, which should go well I think. I can get her opinion on telling our parents.


Another factor in telling her is that I am moving back to spain for another year in 3 weeks. I have a boyfriend there. I'm not sure I should tell her, then just fly off for a full school year. Right? What do you guys think?

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Give her a couple of days now after this has happened. I think though it will be a good idea to tell her like a week before you leave so that you two have time to..well, work out what is between us and you have time to explain eh..yourself. The other advantage of that would be that you are leaving and you won't be able to have any arguments with her if she doesn't take it well. :]

[fredv3b]

To be honest I don't think that is a particularly bad reaction for someone who is religious and conservative.

Think of it this way, now your mum will have someone supportive to talk to when the time comes.

[juk]

I dont think her reaction is bad. Its new to her and something she probably hasnt thought about before, so she is adjusting (even though this coming out news isnt 'hers') I think you would have cause to worry if she had reacted negatively to this friends news.

[marshlander]

I agree. It looks hopeful. Anyway, she's your mother, you are bound to be perfect in her eyes. If you decide to go ahead, good luck.

[Ultra]

I came out to my mom and her views on homosexuality are a bit questionable. It was pretty disastrous. I'll write about that another time. Good luck, you'll need it!

[Tuco]

Some people are homophobes because gays are just an idea for them, not really humans. When they do get to know one, some realize that we and straight differ only when it comes to sexual preferences... but otherwise, we're the same. As obvious as it sounds, this is how most people think.

That said, coming out brings different reactions from people... it's hard to know what to expect. Good luck, buddy =)

[princealbertofb]

Yes, suerte, Chulo... My own mother is quite religious and is a regular church goer, but I've heard other people refer to her as being a 'saint', ie as saintly a person as they could imagine. Lol, that's not the case, rest assured, but I think she genuinely tries to do the right thing. I'd say that as she comes up against some really conservative views in her own church, she tries to get people to think differently about homosexuality, but then again, she's had TWO gay sons, not just one, and one who's died of AIDS. My mum, bless her, has had the hardest experience of all with that. I think while she'd probably prefer that we were straight, she'll never disown us. She's fought too hard as a divorcee to keep the family together. And she's intelligent, reads books, keeps herself informed.

When I came out to her, a few years ago, it was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, although in my heart of hearts I realised that she loved me, and only longed for me to be happy. I disclosed in an e-mail and went away for the day. I remember tears streaming down my eyes as I read my confession aloud to Marsh just beforte hitting the SEND button, and before we cleared off for the day. On returning there was a message on my answerphone saying: "Did you think I was born yesterday???" lol. Admittedly I was 43 and hadn't had a relationship in ... what? 18 years!!! :eek:

Well, in your case Señor, it might be a little different because your mother had no idea what gay meant, and so probably does not suspect much.

You're a leopard and won't change your spots (you can tell her that, by the way) so at some point she'll have to get used to it. What I'd try to work on now is more her acceptance of the different lifestyles, as just being a variant of human sexuality. If she's all religious, does she believe in the value of LOVE and of loving thy neighbour as thyself? If she holds that value as the principle one and most important one, then she might just come around to it quicker than she imagines, despite the initial shock... And, most of all, Chulo, remind her that she does not have to HATE herself for having a gay son. It ought to be a blessing, just like any other child she's had and reared.

'God made us in his own image', did He not? Maybe that message meant, all along, that we should accept one another as we are, not try to change the unchangeable.

Good luck with the coming out process however. Hope it brings little sorrow and ultimately, much joy. Choose your partner carefully, so she can embrace him as another member of the family and feel proud of him too... That's what I did

[princealbertofb]

Some people are homophobes because gays are just an idea for them, not really humans. When they do get to know one, some realize that we and straight differ only when it comes to sexual preferences... but otherwise, we're the same. As obvious as it sounds, this is how most people think.

That said, coming out brings different reactions from people... it's hard to know what to expect. Good luck, buddy =)

Agree with Tuco on this one. Homosexuals are the accidents that only happen to others... until they happen to YOU... hehehe.