Hello everyone,
I am writing an ebook called "10 major relationship mistakes for gay men over 40" mainly coz I've made a few and it's always helpful to learn from others.
Would anybody be prepared to share some of their mistakes from your relationships and life? Maybe you are still single and see so many mistakes being made by others?
I will gladly include any quote/anecdote you can provide in my ebook and send you the copy.
Thank you all very much
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Hi and Welcome :-)
nice Idea .... but let me think about ... some things can be interesting...
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1. Never call your mate a derogatory name, they will never forget.
2. When arguing, always remember that it's OK to be wrong - even if your right.
3. Even if you've been together for 50 years, always sleep together. Separate beds are for strangers.
4. Don't let money be your main goal, love will last longer.
5. If your the sole bread winner in the relationship and your mate is a stay-at-home type, give him a puppy to occupy his time.
6. Schedule coffee dates & dinner dates with your partner, don't let the romance escape.
7. A relationship requires two people, work as a team and support each other in all your endeavors.
8. Take turns cooking & cleaning, but be flexible.
9. Everyday, discuss each others problems. If there are no problems - then someone is not talking.
10.. Never become complacent and take your partner for granted. There's always someone who will give him attention while your being complacent.
If your lucky enough to grow old together, count your lucky stars and kiss the grumpy old codger even if he hasn't bothered to shave. He still appreciates it.
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Do you mean guys over 40 who are targeting younger guys 18-29? Cuz I'm an expert in that!
1. Not being tech savvy: The year is 2010; yes we know you are old, but at least have an email address and be comfortable with emails. Bonus marks for IM and voice chat. How else are we going to send you that youtube link??
2. Not calling / keeping in touch: Life is hectic and things often get in the way. That's why every opportunity for contact counts. It means you've made the effort.
3. Calling too much / just too pushy: Maybe we don't want to see you every other day?
4. Not paying for the first dinner, first hotel, etc: As an older gent, your extra earning power means you have the honour of pampering your puppy. It's courtesy.
5. Treating us like meat: We have great bods, but there a brain there too. Don't forget to stimulate our minds while stimulating... erm... those other parts.
6. Being too picky with schedules: Some of us are students, some of us don't have cars. Please consider our schedules, and we will keep your work schedule in mind as well.
7. Wife and/or kids: This is just weird, but there are the odd twinks who are into that. Danger - Wife will not be happy if she finds out.
8. Assuming we are all the same: some of us like it rough, some like to kiss and cuddle. If you are not sure, go by what we are doing, or ask!
9. Being too nervous: As the older gent, you are showing your twink how it's done. If you are nervous, your puppy will also be nervous.
10. Not having fun: Limit the intrusions of others on your play time together. This includes errands, phone calls and so on. The time you have together is special - enjoy it!
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As a twink, I confirmed the 10 reasons that jatman just gave is correct. Not to break any heart, I never think about dating a late 30s or 40 mainly because of that 10 reason plus some physical things.
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I am 53 and have been in a relationship for almost 25 years...I made most of my biggest mistakes in my 30s but for arguments sake:
When you are criticizing your lover make sure you aren't projecting your own crap on him and if you are...apologize profusely and mean every word of it.
Communicate every single day even if you don't feel like it.
Find the little boy inside of yourself...and him...they are usually wiser than the adult version.
Listen!
When in doubt put yourself in his shoes and see things through his eyes.
Be kind to and respect yourself...you will make a much better friend and lover
Knowing and owning your weaknesses and being willing to make mistakes might be your greatest strength.
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These might not be the mistakes as much as the lessons learned from the mistakes
Good Luck with your book!
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Guys,
Those are amazing.
4. Not paying for the first dinner, first hotel, etc: As an older gent, your extra earning power means you have the honour of pampering your puppy. It's courtesy.
That one is big. I do agree that older guys should pay for the younger one's dinner most of the time during initial dating and then when in a relationship they should "alternate".
What about monogamy and open relationships? Does anyone believe monogamy can be real? Lets be honest here.....do you truly think guys can be monogamous? If priests cannot be and if every celebrity is almost always caught cheating - then why are we setting up ourselves for failure?
Thank you!
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I have never promised monogamy to anyone...I keep my promises...it is my "thing"...I think people are misguided when they make promises they can't keep and there is NO WAY anyone can promise monogamy so why bother? (That is my opinion...not necessarily a fact) I promise to be honest instead and that is a promise I CAN and DO keep.
That being said...I have been monogamous for almost 25 years:biggrin:..except for some group sex which was fun but he was there so yes...it is possible.
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Marshlander - so what are your 10 most important tips for monogamous relationships - what would you recommend guys do to have a monogamous relationship?
I really like your comment about priests...celibacy is different...and ti can make someone crazy....I dated a priest for a while and I think he did end up crazier and more paranoid....
Thanks
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