It's just too much...

[Mr. Pancake]

Hello everyone! I'm hoping someone could possibly give me any advice on this issue I got myself into. So I'm in my very first relationship (over the internet) and it's been well over a month that we've been together. So during that time up to now my boyfriend will NOT stop talking about having sex with me. At first I refused to play along in his text sex plays, but like an ideot I caved in and played along in his "game". After about five times of "doing it" I got fed up and started refusing his "love". Now he's tring to act inteligent saying "Your not giving me enough 'attention'" and "It helps build a relationship". Although what he says is true he wants me to talk dirty with him all the time, and thats not who I am.

Only on rare occasions do we make actual conversations and thats the only time I enjoy talking to him. Ultimatly I'm not happy, but he definitly is. And I dont know whether to try to continue to talk him out of it, or cut the plug on this relationship.

Any comments will be greatly appreciated!

[Ultra]

Ah yes... I've been in a few Internet relationships. Most of them were pretty unsuccessful, except for the last one. In fact, I was extremely close to meeting up with him in person this year. However, circumstances beyond my control didn't allow that to happen.

It seems like you're not getting anywhere with this guy. Internet relationships are not exactly the best, it just depends on how you handle 'em. Apparently you both don't have meaningful conversations at all and it seems like a one-sided relationship. If you're not happy, you might as well just leave him. You know what, "cut the plug on this relationship." If he's continuing with the constant sex talk and all he wants out of the relationship is sex, I suggest you leave him.

Please do not go the same route my ex went. He went out the easy way by getting his mommy to write a message to me and then he throws temper tantrums on forums calling me an idiot and other garbage. I know you'll have sense and break up in a mature way if it comes to that. To me, it seems like you're bf is not the one for you and he's only using you and he may even take advantage of you. Good luck!

[eastofeden]

My advice...meet someone in person and have a 3-D date or two. I guess I don't fully understand having a relationship with someone you have never met so I am not sure I have any further advice on the subject.

May I ask...what is the appeal of having a relationship with someone you have never actually met? How can you determine if you really like him or not?...I need to see someone's eyes myself and when I talk to someone I look directly in their eyes almost nonstop...I would be at a complete loss wthout being able to do that...and I like to touch and be touched as well. Do you get a satisfaction from this relationship at all?

[Ultra]

My advice...meet someone in person and have a 3-D date or two. I guess I don't fully understand having a relationship with someone you have never met so I am not sure I have any further advice on the subject.

May I ask...what is the appeal of having a relationship with someone you have never actually met? How can you determine if you really like him or not?...I need to see someone's eyes myself and when I talk to someone I look directly in their eyes almost nonstop...I would be at a complete loss wthout being able to do that...and I like to touch and be touched as well. Do you get a satisfaction from this relationship at all?

Well there is webcamming and that's one way of finding out if you're compatible with the person over the Internet. It worked for myself and my partner (at the time). Before I even saw recent pics of him... my fear was that I wouldn't be attracted to him. Guess what... he was the guy of my dreams and it was amazing.

[princealbertofb]

My advice...meet someone in person and have a 3-D date or two. I guess I don't fully understand having a relationship with someone you have never met so I am not sure I have any further advice on the subject.

May I ask...what is the appeal of having a relationship with someone you have never actually met? How can you determine if you really like him or not?...I need to see someone's eyes myself and when I talk to someone I look directly in their eyes almost nonstop...I would be at a complete loss wthout being able to do that...and I like to touch and be touched as well. Do you get a satisfaction from this relationship at all?

We / You are old school, East of Eden, we have trouble comprehending a relationship that is only virtual. But since my relationship with Marsh started as a virtual relationship, I guess I know where it stems from. A lot of people who go onto the Internet to start relationships are probably quite shy, or not in a situation where they can be out and open about what they are looking for. Therefore, I'm sure our emotional side would like to believe that we have a boyfriend when we've been dating online through conversations.
I'm afraid, Mr Pancake, your Internet boyfriend may be less than what you think (may be an older man, may be a woman, may not be who he purports to be). If he doesn't get that you don't enjoy sex talk, he's just trying to use you as a sexcapade, someone he would probably never want to meet in real life.

If you two were to arrange a 3-D (real life) meeting, I'm sure you might eventually work things out, but in this case, I believe you are being taken advantage of, and your alledged boyfriend is not very considerate of your feelings in the matter... Not good in my book. I'd second East of Eden's idea of trying to make this a real relationship by meeting him, if he is not a troll. People say things behind a screen that they would never dare say in a regular conversation. It is that dimension of virtual relationships that you have to take into account. I'm not saying it will all be lies, but some things are just a little too far-fetched sometimes.

[eastofeden]

That helps explain it a bit PA...tell me though...when you met Marsh online did you both want to meet or have intentions to do so if/when you discovered you were attracted to each other? If so...I can understand that...the cyber only thing is specifically where I have a problem comprehending but it may be my generation...I need to see the eyes and body language..ect.

Cutie...webcaming can be recorded...eh? Is that right or do I have it wrong? That would totally freak me out.

[Ultra]

Yes and no. When I webcammed with my partner, I could not record it. One of his fears was that I was recording our webcam sessions without his knowledge, however I would not do that at all. I didn't have another program (like Hypercam or something) that was able to do it. We did it through a program that was able to record, however I was unable to do it for some reason. I was able to take still pictures of him and I on webcam.

[juk]

Sounds like a case of square peg, round hole - do you really want to sustain this relationship purely for those rare moments of conversation that you actually enjoy? Time to move on I think.

[colinmackay]

Hello everyone! I'm hoping someone could possibly give me any advice on this issue I got myself into. So I'm in my very first relationship (over the internet) and it's been well over a month that we've been together. So during that time up to now my boyfriend will NOT stop talking about having sex with me. At first I refused to play along in his text sex plays, but like an ideot I caved in and played along in his "game". After about five times of "doing it" I got fed up and started refusing his "love". Now he's tring to act inteligent saying "Your not giving me enough 'attention'" and "It helps build a relationship". Although what he says is true he wants me to talk dirty with him all the time, and thats not who I am.

Only on rare occasions do we make actual conversations and thats the only time I enjoy talking to him. Ultimatly I'm not happy, but he definitly is. And I dont know whether to try to continue to talk him out of it, or cut the plug on this relationship.

Any comments will be greatly appreciated!

I've done the sexting (sex text) thing twice. Once with a guy I met via Grindr (never met in real life) and that didn't really do it for me at all. I think he spent more time having a wank than actually texting so I didn't really get a good mental picture.

The other time was with my boyfriend when we were apart one evening and that was actually pretty good. Not as good as the real thing, but it was nice enough. I think in that case we already knew each other and that helped build the mental images up.

Anyway, on to the comments he made: "Your not giving me enough 'attention'" and "It helps build a relationship".

Reads like emotional black mail to me, so long as you've made perfectly clear to him that these do nothing for you. However, if you've just been trying to ignore this and not say anything then that's passive aggressive on your part.

There are moments where you you find things are great. I don't think you have live just for those moments. If, for the most part, things are not right for you then maybe it is time you moved on.

Final word of advice, I tried lots of internet "dating" services. Gaydar, Grindr, Gay-Parship, etc. None of that actually worked for me. Of the few dates it produced they went from so-so down to bloody awful. It can work for some people, but it didn't for me. They are a numbers game and that gets tiring after a while. Ultimately, a real world encounter might work so much better. (I got introduced to my boyfriend through a friend. We hit it off rather well and nature took its course from then.)

[Mr. Pancake]

@princealbertofb Well I talk to him through my Sony PS3 on text chat. Every once in a while we also talk through my bluetooth. I think it's safe to assume, judging from his voice I think it's safe to assume that he's a male. ^^; Anyway your probably correct saying he's trying to take advantage of me. Once he decided to...well, pleasure himself while we were talking on our bluetooths. He said "You make me so h***y, ohhhhh~" My reaction: ._. "Uhhhhhh..."