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10-26-2010, 06:39 AM

Hi people, just joined this site as I am having feelings that a married man shouldn't have. I dont really fancy men at all or not looking at one particular guy, but having thoughts about making love to another man, either gay or a TV. Can anyone help?:confused:

10-26-2010, 07:14 AM

Hello, and welcome.

Your post has an error that makes undersanding it 30 percent unclear. TV, meaning, transvestite? Meaning, you are having thoughts of making love to a man, and he can be Straight, Gay, or Otherwise?

Well, if you are having thoughts of having sex with a man (or making love) then we have an issue that you may have repressed a while back. There is such a thing as latent homosexuality. It is nothing new, however only you can pinpoint whether this is a lingering desire that has been with you for a while, or a spontaneous, raging feeling that is too strong and strange for you that, you need to question it.

I have an issue with your choice of words. "making love to a man". Are you being truthful with yourself? If TV, is transvestite, does this, according to you, make it a normal desire, and OK to satiate?

My only advice is to question your feelings. Give them the respect they deserve. You may not be a homosexual, you may just want to explore the complex dynamics of your sexuality, and just not repress them any more. However, I do understand the importance of labelling (a sexual identity), and only you can attach one to yourself. Have fun, be safe, and be discreet. Your spouse will appreciate it!

10-26-2010, 11:44 AM

matey321 Wrote:Hi people, just joined this site as I am having feelings that a married man shouldn't have.

Why not? It sounds like you might be suppressing something here. You think you shouldn't have the thoughts that you do and are trying to push them down and hide them.

matey321 Wrote:I dont really fancy men at all or not looking at one particular guy, but having thoughts about making love to another man, either gay or a TV. Can anyone help?:confused:

I can say that I did once feel like that. When I was coming to terms with my sexuality I would often try to convince myself that I didn't really fancy men at all. I just wanted to know what it was like to have sex with one.

Finally "making love" conveys a much deeper emotional attachment that "having sex" which is why I'm suggesting that you look deeper into yourself to see what's really there.

In the meantime, if you want to experiment to see what you like then there is always Gaydar. If you want to try a gay bar (your profile says Reading, England) then can I suggest being careful of your belongings in The Malthouse on Greyfriars Road (I've been there a couple of times, and on both occasions different friends got their jacket stolen)

10-26-2010, 12:01 PM

Hello and welcome. Mother Nature has a way of making her demands known. Some of us finally faced up to the fact that we were not what we had always tried to be as middle age drew on.

As a teenager I couldn't understand why my dearest friends did not seem to "invest" as much in our friendships as I felt I did. As a married man I was convinced that sex was just an advertiser's con trick. Eventually divorced a few years ago and now in a relationship with a man I can see that sex within a truly loving relationship is very satisfying indeed.

Wherever your path takes you I hope it may be to somewhere stronger and better. I hope you don't have to go through too much pain to reach that place ... apart from having to live in Reading, of course Wink

10-26-2010, 01:05 PM

Why would a grown man of 49 suddenly wonder what it's like to make love to another man or to a transvestite, you may ask yourselves. Well, mainly it must be that finally something has happened, it may be the Internet... it may be a dissatisfaction in his couple life... it may be that at last he's acknowledging his gay or bisexual nature?

I'd be enclined to think that you've been suppressing this feeling for a long time. While I knew from quite early on that I was gay, as a person, and interested romantically and physically more in men, I didn't let myself have any of those feelings for anyone that would definitely not be a potential partner.

I'm wondering Matey, if you have anyone around you that you can talk to about this? Would your wife understand, or is your sex life something that you don't discuss, for fear of hurting either of you?

Marshlander has said it, sometimes it takes a long long time to unlearn social patterns ingrained in us for a good many years and in our childhood. Are you particularly religious? Would you consider trying to experiment a bit with another man? Sometimes, trying it out makes you affirm better what you want out of life. I know I didn't have any special crushes on any men until I met my partner, and so I could easily have said that I felt no emotional attachment to them. I still knew, deep down, that I wanted that sort of relationship for myself, one day. So don't panic, try to sort out your feelings about it?

Have you watched gay porn? (not necessarily the best indicator of what sex can be like with another man, since it's all "put on" to arouse... but it might be an indicator, if you find it arousing).

Lastly, as Aaycles said, play safe and be discreet, if you don't want to put your present partner at risk.
Good luck on your journey to self discovery.

10-30-2010, 07:20 AM

Aaycle Wrote:Hello, and welcome.
Your spouse will appreciate it!

Not so sure about it...

Your reply to his post seems generally serious... What did you mean by "Your spouse will appreciate it!" ? LOL

10-30-2010, 01:25 PM

Mike Wrote:Not so sure about it...

Your reply to his post seems generally serious... What did you mean by "Your spouse will appreciate it!" ? LOL

Maybe he means that his wife won't have to deal with the consequences, such as gossip... or will be spared the nasty details.

10-31-2010, 04:34 PM

princealbertofb Wrote:Maybe he means that his wife won't have to deal with the consequences, such as gossip... or will be spared the nasty details.

... or trips to the G.U.M. clinic.

10-31-2010, 07:05 PM

marshlander Wrote:... or trips to the G.U.M. clinic.

Or trips to the G.U.M. clinic, that's what I meant... Wink

10-31-2010, 09:30 PM

Hi. Welcome. :] So it has never crossed your mind that people change all the time and that something new might happen in your life anytime? And that maybe change should be embraced? Don't worry. There is nothing wrong with you or the thoughts you are having. Explore what is happening in your mind and in the end follow the path to happiness. :]