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looking back two years.........
I found this saved on my computer. I had been smoke free for two months and miserable with my life in general. I had taken up drinking and was only working three days a week because my hours got cut at work. I have made progress since then.

Comment by Smiley on March 21, 2009 at 12:25am
I guess I have to come clean now. I smoked because I hate myself and also used it to hide my emotions. Im a 26 year old bachelor without a damn thing to live for right now. Why the heck would I want to live to be a 95 year old hermit. I figured I would just keep on smoking till it killed me so I wouldnt have to live a long and unhappy life by myself. Im a socialy isolated person and keep people at a arms length so I wont get hurt. My self image isnt to good either. My shyness controls every facet of my life and along with that comes being lonely and depressed. In the past Ive turned to drugs, booze smokes to kill the pain of being a loner. At best they only numb and mask the pain but never solve the problem at hand. Going though life all doped up to avoid your problems isnt any way to live. This loner is having to learn to deal with my problems and find soulutions as I let go of my chemical security blankets. Sitting at the bottom of the mountain complaining its to hard to climb up not even trying to improve myself wont get me to the top where the spectacular view is.

Good to hear that all is not so bleak these days.

You've made progress, Ben, in affirming who you are and what you'd want out of life... Good luck for the future.

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