Silent Expression of the Eyes

[AlaricXY]

Guys,
I could really use some of your experiences and advice right now.
Please tell me what you think of my story.

I'm 18, and sexually confused.
I find it hard to accept myself as a young gay man, hence, I'm struggling to define my true identity.
I'm not good in picking up gay vibes or signals.


I'm still in high school.
There's this guy, R, my senior, a year older, he's kinda cute to me, taller with fair skin. Overall an attractive guy to me.
I noticed that whenever I walked pass by him, I noticed that he would stare at me,even if I pass by his classroom,he will turn his head to look at me, and we both exchange eye contact.
Never before any guy looked at me like that.This is something new to me.
Strangely, we never talked before.

Until one day,
I am involved in a school event as an additional assistant in minor works.
Guess what?
I'm asked to help R in some carpentry works.
When we are both left alone, we both do out works queutly until he asks for my name.
While I was hammering a wood to the ground, he compliments that I looked very manly doing that.
I take that as a compliment but I did not really respond much because I was petrified?
I don't know what to say.my anxiety strikes.
So, I didn't really talk to him at that moment.

I still hate myself today that I should have said or done something to show a positive feedback to him.
Maybe it is due to my sexual confusion insecurity, I'm unclear on what I want.

When that event is over, we still exchange eye contact in school whenever I saw him or walk pass by him.
He will stare at me, and I will respond in a similiar manner.
It's not glancing when we both will look at each other deeply for moments.

This eye contact thing stopped after a while, maybe I appear to be unresponsive.

The other day, I was at town, and I look deeply at a guy who looks like R, and that guy do the same in return.
Again, we both stare at each other.
Then, I realised it's actually R, in his streetwear attire.
I just walked away after I realised it's him.

Thing is, I don't know if R is gay or straight.
I didn't smile when I look at him for fearing ghat it could appear awkward.
But he didn't smile either when he looked at me directly.

I don't know if this is one of those gay vibe that sends out signal through eye contact.

What do you think he is trying to do or trying to say,guys?
Is he trying to convey a message to me?

I am clueless.
I barely know this guy, but yet, something complicated like this happen to me.

And guess what? This has been going on for a few months.

Please tell me what do you think of this R, the eye contact thing and what's going on in general.
I'm not an experienced out gay man.
Please feel free to share your thoughts.
Thank you for listening to my story.

[Luke14009]

do what u tink u should do dude,if u ask me i think you should smile next time he looks at you like somthing small or even talk to him if the timing comes :biggrin:

[princealbertofb]

Alaric,
Well it is difficult to say because possibly in your culture eye contact means something different. Luke's advice to smile is probably good. And why don't you go over next time and shake hands with him and acknowledge that you know him? You know his name, you know what class he is in. See if you two can find some common interests.
Maybe he finds you attractive too, maybe just as a friend but does it matter? You've got to make contact in other ways than eyes if you want anything to happen. Since he complimented you on how manly you looked, then maybe you could compliment him back on something he's wearing? Try to make it a real compliment, not something that you've invented. You can say something like: "I like your shirt / shoes, where did you get it / them?" It's easy and it breaks the ice. You could also say that you saw him the other day, thought he was someone else, then realised it was probably him but were too busy / too shy / too much in a hurry / too shortsighted (if you wear glasses) to be sure and say hello...

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

Talk to him sounds good to me

[AlaricXY]

Guys, thanks for the suggestions.
My shyness and sexual confusion overpowered me.
Sadly, I'm on my year end school holiday now and he's up for a major exam in school.He won't be around anymore next year as this year is his last senior year.*
I guess I should have taken some actions sooner.Kinda regret it when I didn't respond when he makes the first move earlier.Lesson learned.
Maybe I will hunt him down on social networking websites like a stalker?
If we are meant to be something more, fate will bring us back together some day. Right?
I wish him well.

[princealbertofb]

Well better luck next time, Alaric, or maybe you'll find him when you hunt him down on the web.

[Nat3]

Find his phone number.lol And text him...Awkardnesss diminishes when txting, I think. Or well to a lesser extent...Make some escuse to get it? Idk, I saw u around, bt never talked to you, blah,blah, now you are leavin...or somethinhg abt how where he is going is like, and how bad where u live is?...idk, jst try t get a number, email, etc.=) Btw, I smile on eye contact, if them seem nice. If they are or seem too straight, I give them n evil stare...cuz, retard stop looking @ me. XD

[AlaricXY]

Guys, thanks for the comments.
I appreciate it.

Guess what?
I was out at the mall today and I bumped into him... with a friend.
My guts of wanting to talk to him just gone.
Coz he's with a friend and I don't want to have an ackward encounter.
So, I just let opportunity slip by.

Call me a coward, but I have more courage reaching out to the chicks than the guys.
I'm unsettled with my sexual confusion.
Not cool.

But as he walk pass by me, he said Hi and I just smiled at him.
Nothing more happens.

He was with his friend all the time, no chance to talk to him at all.

Our fate often dwindle, but it never joins.
I am letting go if this entire incident.
I am hoping this incident is just a phase because every straight guy is allowed one gay experience.
I hope I am not in denial.

As I am leaving the mall, I heard Just A Dream by Nelly is played.
It feels like the Big Gut up there played a bad joke on me.

[Alitta88]

I think you should first overcome your shyness and come to term with your sexuality, you seem rather confused and kinda afraid of confronting the truth of your own feelings.
You should at least say hi if he greets you or just smile back, a sweet sincere smile . you don't know what you may miss unless you make a move , it's possible that he might be feeling the same yet confused as well . you should talk together and start getting a bit closer so things will get clearer .