Couldn't get an erection! AAAHHHHH!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Hello All!
If I could make this shorter, I would, haha, so apologies for it being so long:
I consider myself gay, and have done for a number of years now (I'm 23). I've recently started going on dates and exploring possibilities for the first time. I've been doing it through online dating sites, which irrespective of their negative reputation, I've found the experience quite positive. I find men attractive, I love the male form and want to spend my life with another man. I have no desire for women.

Anyway, I met this one guy online and after a week or two of chatting, we decided to meet. I have met others, this isnt the first guy I decided to meet with. We had a meal which was fun and we got on well, ending up being the last customers in the restaurant. We decided to meet again, and continued talking via txt or msn daily.

I suggested doing something more adventurous than a walk or another meal, and he suggested camping. Giving it's bloomin freezin outside with 7 or 8 inches of snow, we eventually came to our senses and decided not to go camping, but instead to get a hotel room. Now, this sounds really seedy and slutty and I'm still not quite sure how I bought myself to say yes, but it that's what we did. Both of us live at home and couldn't take the other back to our homes, so the hotel was the only safe option. It was good fun, if truth be told; and really, if you go around suggesting camping or hotel rooms, the aim was always sex. This was the first time I had ever done anything intimate like this with anyone, male or female. I felt comfortable, enjoyed his body, and don't think I was nervous.

Thing is, he's a nice guy, and good looking, but I don't honestly find him attractive. So, it wasn't an evening spent with someone 'special' to me.

We didn't have anal-sex, but did everything else. Problem is, I couldn't get an erection when I was naked. He came twice over the night, and I came the second time, through masturbation, but couldn't get an erection either way.

What I think the evening was, more than anything, was two guys wanting a bit of no strings attached fun. I don't wish it didnt happen (at the moment, anyway), I think I was looking for the experience. He's not looking for anything more than dating at the moment, but he is more experienced with guys. I wouldn't be surprised if I change my view and find myself eventually hating myself for doing it though. We stayed the whole night at the hotel and said goodbye midday the next day.

Aside from calling me a slut, nasty bastard, 'wham, bam, thank you mam' kinda person or saying that we just used each other, I'm looking for reassurance that I don't have erectile dysfunction (I work fine when I'm on my own) that rather, my embarrassment was caused by me just not having strong feelings for him and not finding him attractive. Could that be the case??? On the other hand, I'm certain I'm gay......maybe I'm just kidding myself and am really a closeted heterosexual!?

Help!!

[Luke14009]

well........tbh i tink its just dat u didnt find him special so sometimes it just wont work no matter how much u want it too,sorry prob not much help but its my simple answer mile:

[fenris]

When I read your post I think you need much more time to know your partner... I think you are much to nervous... seeing him naked, feelings, wishes... and thinking you have to get an erection immediately.... that are to much informations for your brain.... and it set on "error" :-) not such a big problem.... you need more time to feel secure, well and comfortable ... and all will be fine. Believe me ... but... don´t do ONS ...it´s not your thing.

[sudanese]

I don't get an erection when I find someone not attractive

[TimeBandit]

Sounds like the guy just doesn't turn your crank. I dated someone like that for longer than I should have. I really liked him, he was sweet, generous, fun, and even handsome... but when we got naked, I just couldn't get it up (except for once, when he blew me, but even then I had to close my eyes and pretend it was someone else). I really liked him and hoped that after time I'd develop a physical attraction to him, but it just got worse!

So, my guess is that it's very simple, he doesn't make you hard.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Well, you had it up there - you weren't attracted to the guy, didn't find him special...maybe you are one of those people that need the person to be special. Don't worry about it and...well, next time do a couple more dates before going into sex, maybe? :]

[Sil]

Hi Anon,

I would say you do not have erectile dysfunction, or it is very unlikely - it's so common for guys to worry about anything down there (which is safe I guess)... but truth is you're young, probably physically fit, and not suffering any problems other than conflicting emotions.

Somebody once said the brain is the biggest sexual organ, and it's true.

If someone's not engaging you on a mental level (in terms of being aroused) and you both feel nervous, it tends to become a vicious cycle. Not only that but bodies are awkward things, and much as we want to perform like a stud 100% of the time it just doesn't happen...

It sounds like you're smart enough to know all of this already, but don't worry about it. Trite as it sounds - these things happen.

You're a healthy guy and it sounds like you still had some fun and know what you want. Focus on that and don't let it daunt you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your input, guys. Very helpful!
I guess it'll teach me to avoid jumping into bed too quickly with just anyone....all just for a bit of fun exploration.

[wclark03]

Also,
Do be careful of STDs.
Just because someone says they are clean, doesn't mean they are.
They might not know if they have an STD...
Just noting.
No-String Relationships are never wise.

[Jason74]

I honestly think that you just weren't attracted to him and yeah its hard to get an erection for someone when you are not attracted to them, yet if you think about that the whole time then its harder to get aroused when fooling around. Yet if you don't think about it and its just friction then I think its alot easier to get aroused and cum. I think the next time you meet someone and hit it off and are attracted to each other you will get hard as a rock, yet that is just my opinion.