what should i do

[techno]

Ok so this is going to be a long post but my question revolvs around a semi long story so bear with me. I am bi curious and have not really told anyone. I am not one that really comes across as gay i dont think but who knows. I have been attracted to my friend of about five years for as long as i know him. We were best friends for about three years or so and we were very very close. I always was with him and his girlfriend hanging out and regrettfully doing alot of party drugs and going to raves. Me and him always and i mean like everyday joked relentlessly about the two of us being secret gay lovers mostly between ourselves and his girlfriend. I had a couple girlfriends in this perioud but they were mostly just sexual conquests and never lasted more than a couple months of dating/"making love". This flirting and joking went on for a good while and then they broke up after 2 1/2 years and this was his first girlfreind he was very very devestated. He went into this crazy slump where he never wanted to leave the house he just sat there making muysic day in and day out. I lost touch with him slightly really only seeing him like 6 times in six months after not missing a day for almost 2 years. When we hung out there was still that connection it was just different. When we were drunk we would rub up on eachother and be sorta discreetly touchy feely with eachother. This whole thing culminated one night when me him and another friend ate mushrooms. I was very out of it but from what i remember my best friend came out to me and said he was dating the other kid we were with at the house. I felt relieved and yet saddened these emotions made me do stupid things like try to fuck both of them. I licked my friends earlobe and grabbed his crotch. I grabbed the other kids crotch as well and he left immediately after. The next morning i woke up and no one was at the house. The other friend we were with never really talked to me again. My best friend however did and there was never really anything said about what had happened. We hung like once a month after that till he left for college and i moved to another town. I see him rarely and wheni do i dont have the guts to ask him if he is gay and have him be the first person i ever tell!? I am so confused i dont know if i can handle another blow to our friendship if he isnt. Should i just leave it alone or take the leap?:confused:

[Sil]

Hi Techno,

yeah I can relate to a lot of your setting here, this was slightly similar to my way of coming out; was going to a lot of parties and hiding crushes, and every so often I'd let slip with more than I should have done.

You sound like you have really strong feelings for your buddy, and I know how much this hurts when you feel there's nothing you can do about it. You may have peed in the pool a little bit with coming on so strong to your best bud and his boyfriend, but I really don't blame you; I've done X and shrooms respectively and I know the sort of frame of mind they can put you in, no inhibitions and very tactile responses.

You're about to do the hardest part - your first 'outting' ... there's no easy way to do it other than with someone you trust implicitly, and that you read into their background to present it the best possible way. For me I kinda said "you know that person I'm seeing... it's a guy" then you just sorta wait for the response. The odd thing is you normally get some confession in return, like my mate Pete "that's okay, one time I did so-and-so" it's kinda funny.

*sighs* I think this is one of those where you need to sh*t or get off the pot (sorry for being crude but it seemed apt here) ... there's sadly a good chance you'll see less and less of him and things will start to drift. I'm also hesitant because it sounds like you both have something pretty special that you want to keep throughout your life. Having all those feelings built up means you're likely to tell him 'too much' , when honestly I think small confident chunks of honesty would work wonders.

If I'm reading this right - He's dated at least one guy, so I can imagine this wouldn't be a big issue for him.

Hope it works out dude, feeling for ya there.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

I have to agree with SIL shit. or get off the pot do it

Ex sailor allowed to be rude from time to time

[techno]

hey guys thanks for reposting. The thing is though i also swear i remember them asking me and urging me to have a threesome with them. So i really dont remember what was actually said cuz obviously if they said that this would not have been a big deal. I just cant trust myself with the information i "think i know" i dont feel.