Ex got a hold of me

[calisurfjump]

Hi everyone,

Well someone of you know my story. Ex left me for a girl (gay male here) and literally bailed. And now is living with her. Well finally exchanged all our stuff last week and I was doing okay, well as okay as anyone can be.

Cutting to the chase he called me up today and I picked up cuz I was expecting a call from someone else. Well I was a bit shocked and he said he left some things at my house and wanted to get them. So he starts talking. Basically saying that he still has feeling for me, can't have sex with this girl or its very hard because he's thinking of me. Thinks of me constantly and trys to move on. And hints that he wants to be friends with benefits. Well I told him I couldn't because one it wouldnt be fare to the girl he's with and 2 I cant do that period. He starts saying again that he wants a family and I can't give him that and that he wants to start something with this girl who's 21 and they might have a future together. And he cant risk that.

My mind knows it's not going to work even if he came back, but my heart aches for him. Why did he call? I told him not to call me since I need a lot of NC for a while to move on. The call opened up some wounds and brought back a lot of feelings I have for him. It's been three weeks since he dumped me so sleeping alone has been a problem, I sleep like 4-5 hours a night now and I've lost a lot of weight since I barely eat. It's like my body is going through withdrawls. I just dont know what to do. I want to move on. My mind say move on, but my heart aches and sometimes overpowers logic and my mind. Why did he call? What is going on through his mind? Any advice guys.

Thanks.

[invis85]

Hello,

Your story really, REALLY freaks me out. My bf is in the closet still. And he also wants to raise a child (he's talking about adoption) in the future. He is having a very difficult time coming out. We have been together for more than 2 years. I invested a lot of feelings and emotions with him.

More than half a year ago, he met a female friend whom he feels really click with him. I have gone through so much emotional roller coaster with this new "friendship" because she once confessed her feelings to my bf. My bf didn't do anything because he doesn't want to lose a friend...or so he says...

I'm really scared that what happened to you will happen to me. I don't doubt my bf's feelings for me. But I doubt his actions.

But my advice for you is what I would say to myself if I were rational, level-headed, and know how to move forward without him if it happens to me: MOVE FORWARD, DO NOT LOOK BACK! He has stated what he wanted...FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. Nothing can hurt more. He is looking an easy way out so he could feel better, feel less guilty...DON'T LET HIM DO THAT TO YOU! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!

Now the only thing I ask of you to do for me is to say this exact thing to me if I am unfortunate enough to run into the same situation.

I would like your advice too, I posted something about outting my bf, or soon to be ex-bf in same forum. Please humour me and offer me your advice, since it sounds like we're in the same boat.

I feel for you. Yet I also know that you will heal and that it will get better! Please do.

Tony

[marshlander]

Heartbreaking circumstances, gentlemen

Calisurfjump, for what it's worth, I think you are right to resist this mixed up man who seems hell-bent on leaving a trail of chaos around him. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. I wish you the strength to hold on to what you know is the right thing for you to do.

[calisurfjump]

Thanks guys.

Invis85, my best piece of advice for you is to leave. Find someone who is comfortable with who they are and accepts his/her sexuality. When I was 20 I was all mixed up about being gay and all, but got through it and was in a great LTR throughout college. We lasted well over 2 years and still talk to this day.

Looking back at my relationship I really wish I would've slapped myself and stopped dating this guy the first time he said 'I'm straight but like sex with men'. I really thought our relationship would work out. In the end he found this girl (whos 21, hes 25), who lives in a nice trailer (who her parents bought), parents bought her a new car and her parents help her out a lot. She's already talking about marriage and having kids. Mind you she has no education only HS diploma and so does my ex. She works at freaking starbucks. And here I am, have a fun job (windtunnel instructor), going back to the corporate world since I have a BA and BS in finance and chem respeticevly. I wanted to start a life with him. So yeah my self esteem is shot.

Looking back at our conversation, why did he call. Yeah he wants friends with benefits, but is there something more. Why did he tell me he's falling in love with this girl and she loves him. IMO that's cruel. If I dumped someone for another last thing I would do is call my ex up and tell him how happy I am and how much I love this new person.

Marsh. Thanks for the message, I'm trying my hardest to resist, but like I said my heart is still stuck on him while my mind is trying to move on. It's just painful and hard.

Thanks again guys.

Invis85 I can give you my email if you want to exchange message. I have a lot more say to you, but gotta head off to work.

[invis85]

You know, sexual orientation is a very complex thing.

From all that I read about your story, your ex is gay. But he wants acceptance from society. But he cannot get it up for the girl. Tell him to get viagra to get it working. (Yes, I can be nasty...but not to friends! I promise )

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

Calisurfjump you are right to break it off clean this guy does not know what he wants and he is hurting you do not let him. do the healing proses and get on with your life. you will get through it and be a better person for having done so. It will get better.
just remember you have the GS community of friends to lean on if you need to.

[calisurfjump]

Thanks guys. You all have been a great help, just venting and knowing that people listen and care means a lot. I have a few close friends and they all say the same things..get the hell away as fast as you can and dont look back. Trust me, I'm trying my hardest to. Now that we literally have nothing left I refuse to pick up the phone, my ex's number is listed as DNA, Do Not Answer. It's just really hard when my mind says 'Hey jacka&^ move along. It's good that he's out of your life', while my heart still misses his presence. Yeah, I miss the random daily txts and calls. Like I said before I miss my best friend, or who I thought was my best friend.

I do know I'm getting better everyday. Today I actually didn't think of him for a good part of the afternoon.

In all honest and sincerity thanks guys...you are really a good bunch of people.