Debating coming out...but still terrified. Advice?

[mattm816]

Hi everyone,
I've known I'm a gay man for quite some time, about 4 years. But in the beginning I was SO scared, I just pushed the thoughts and urges out of my head, and tried to go on like they didn't exist. Nowadays I've accepted it for myself, but I'm absolutely TERRIFIED to come out to my family (and some friends), mostly because all of the members of my family (immediate and extended) are of the Christian belief. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with that, to each his/her own. I'm just saying that the Christian way of thinking is that homosexuality is sinful and wrong. I have a few friends who are VERY strict with this faith, and I'm afraid that they would shun me altogether if I told them. Which is fine, I guess...that means that they were never real friends to begin with, IMO. But what I'm really concerned about is how my family will feel about it. For example, I think my parents will be, for the most part, ok with it. But my extended family are all "old school," and probably won't understand.
I guess I just need some advice. While I think my parents will be ok, I'm still terrified that they will think I'm some kind of weirdo, or worse. I'm just SO TIRED of having to pretend to be someone who I'm not! It's absolutely exhausting. Plus, it's socially awkward when your mom introduces you to an attractive woman and expects you to be attracted to her. I don't know, guys. Any advice or help? Like I said, I just think that when I come out, it might be a little rocky for a while, but I will feel so liberated.
Thanks for the help!
MM

[The Virgin]

don't push yourself to like, tell everyone in the whole world that your gay. act natural. whatever your thoughts are reflect your behaviour... just ride with life. don't think about it too much. what's important is that you know who/what you are and that's all that matters.

[marshlander]

First of all, mattm, you have my sympathy. Pretending to be someone else IS exhausting and in the longer term can take a serious toll on your mental and physical well-being. You actually sound like you are pretty close to the point when you need to let go of all those pressures. My own background is Mormon so I know the madness that sometimes accompanies religious conviction.

I can't tell you how to do it, but I can confirm you will feel a whole lot better when you don't have to pretend any more. I wish you the strength to go through with it as soon as you feel able.

Best wishes.

[The Virgin]

just pray hard..it really helps...

[marshlander]

just pray hard..it really helps...

That is quite an assertion!

[The Virgin]

no it's not... it will actually help him

[mattm816]

First of all, mattm, you have my sympathy. Pretending to be someone else IS exhausting and in the longer term can take a serious toll on your mental and physical well-being. You actually sound like you are pretty close to the point when you need to let go of all those pressures. My own background is Mormon so I know the madness that sometimes accompanies religious conviction.

I can't tell you how to do it, but I can confirm you will feel a whole lot better when you don't have to pretend any more. I wish you the strength to go through with it as soon as you feel able.

Best wishes.

Marshlander, thanks so much for the kind words and understanding. And you're right, I think I'm right on the brink of just saying "screw it, I'm coming out, and whatever happens happens." Not that I don't care about what happens, but it's got to be so liberating. I did have a small victory last night, shortly after I posted the original post. I called up a good friend of mine (female) who shares views, attitudes, and ideas almost identical to mine. I told her I'm gay, and she was completely ok with it and understanding. We talked for a long time about it and how it wouldn't change anything at all. I figure that if I come out to someone who I know won't mind, then I will have a kind of support base. Then, later when there are some harder times, I can always go to her and ask for advice, a listener, etc. It felt so good to know that I wouldn't have to pretend any more around her!
Again, thanks for the encouragement, everyone!!

[The Virgin]

so how'd it go?

[Yosuke]

From one Matt to another:

I'm really glad you made that first step. A girl friend of mine told me she was bisexual freshman year, and the most I could say was, 'oh I think I am too'. That's the extent to which I've come out. I don't know how to give you advice on finding strength to come out, as I've yet to do it. But I know if you've taken that first step, you can do it. Someone suggested to pray. I would agree to the extent that you should pray (meditate, etc.) for strength to do what you need to do. I really hope it works out for you. I live in a conservative state as well, so I know how it is.

Best wishes! mile:

[mattm816]

From one Matt to another:

I'm really glad you made that first step. A girl friend of mine told me she was bisexual freshman year, and the most I could say was, 'oh I think I am too'. That's the extent to which I've come out. I don't know how to give you advice on finding strength to come out, as I've yet to do it. But I know if you've taken that first step, you can do it. Someone suggested to pray. I would agree to the extent that you should pray (meditate, etc.) for strength to do what you need to do. I really hope it works out for you. I live in a conservative state as well, so I know how it is.

Best wishes! mile:

Hey Matt!
That's really kind of you to be happy for my small triumps! :biggrin: I've made more advancements since I last posted. I've told my parents and a couple friends. Both of my parents were completely ok with it (which I wasn't expecting), and my dad even told me that he would rather me be able to be honest and open with myself and others, even if that meant living a happy life being gay rather than a miserable life trying to act straight. Gosh I love my parents! :biggrin: I was totally expecting them to freak out a little.
The friends I told were totally ok with it as well, but I knew they would be, mostly because we had discussed our views on gays before I was open about it.
I feel so much better about myself, and I really feel like my life is back in my own control! I know that it won't always be easy, but that's ok, nobody has it easy all the time-that's what makes the good times in life that much more special!
Thanks everyone, for listening and posting! You all ROCK MY FACE OFF!!!
Matt