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my composition on 2.20
#1
hope you guys could spare some time to have a check on my compositions , cuz i will have a important test on 5. Mar.
many thanks~~

[Image: HjTbb.jpg]

The bar chat indicates that how many Japanese tourists travelled to other countries from 1985 to 1995. The line graph describes the percentage of Japanese tourists who travelled to Australia during the same period.

As we can see from the bar chat, the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad in creased dramatically from 5 million in 1985 to 15 million in 1995, though there was a slight fall between 1990 and 1991. Interestingly, the figures in 1992 and 1993 were nearly the same, but still almost doubled the number six years earlier.

In the line graph, before 1988 an increasing proportion of Japanese chose to travel to Australia. But in 1989 the percentage dropped slightly from 4.8% to 4.2%. Luckily, for the following four years, Australia’s share of Japanese market experienced another rise to 6.2% in 1993. However, only 6% of Japanese tourists went to Australia for travelling a year later.

To sum up, the figures of Japanese tourists who travelled abroad had a close relationship with the Australia’s share of Japan’s tourist market.
[Image: Zy0lw.jpg]

It is said that when the technology is developed, the traditional skills and ways of life will gradually die out. Some people might think it is unnecessary to keep them alive. Personally speaking, I do not agree with them for the following reasons.

In the first place, the traditional skills and ways of life are part of our cultural, which means it is our responsibility to preserve that cultural heritage despite the rapid development of technology. Even though nowadays young people tend to experience new things, with little interest in those old-fashioned skills or ways of life, we could do some innovative changes about them according to the contemporary lifestyles.

In the second place, the traditional skills and ways of life provided plenty of information about how our ancestors make a living in the past. That is to say, through learning and doing researching into those traditions, people in this age can get a better understanding of the lifestyles in ancient times. I do not think no one would be interested in about our past. Furthermore, if we lost the traditional skills and ways of life, our life today would not be that wonderful and various.

Last but not least, the traditional skills and ways of life still play a vital role in human’s everyday life. For example, last winter, our province experienced an extremely heavy snowy disaster. During that period, many cities and villages were short of water, food as well as electricity. But fortunately, there were several candles, woods and a stove in our storehouse. As you see, it was those traditional skills and ways of life that helped us to get through such difficult times.

In conclusion, however fast our technology develops, there is no any proper replacement for our useful traditional skills and ways of life. We should try to preserve these traditional customs from generations to generations. Only in this way can we really make the most use of the greatest wisdom from our ancestors.
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#2
OK., I'll have a go at the first part (if I get time later I'll addresss the second part too).

The question is extremely difficult, graphs like those encapsulate an enormous amount of information and the very point of making them is that they are the best way of conveying a lot of information in a way that can be easily assimilated.

Your first paragraph simply tells me exactly what I can see from the labels on the graphs and conveys no new information or insight.

You might want to comment on trends rather than specific yearly values, they can be read by looking at the graph. You might want to speculate about why the trend in both graphs is upwards, economic prosperity, cheaper air fares? What do you think happened to cause the blip in 1991, feel free to speculate but back your speculation with facts (to be honest I can't think of any!).

The graphs give you the number of Japanese foreign tourists for each year and the percentage that chose to go to Austalia, using the numbers for each year there is another set of figures you can work out, see if you can guess what it is.

That's my take on the question but I don't have any background about what you've been learning in this area or whether this question arises out of geography or mathematics or whatever, so forgive me if I'm miles off. Just remember that generally with questions like this marks will be awarded for anything you can bring to the question from your learning elsewhere. Just be sure you back it up, making stuff up is frowned upon.

Best of luck with the test.
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#3
I could be wrong but I think he is after grammar corrections rather then comments of the content.
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#4
It's a good thing I'm used to being completely wrong.
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#5
Cardiganwearer Wrote:It's a good thing I'm used to being completely wrong.


lol, didn't like to say but as you were going to start on the other half I thought I'd better.
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#6
Cardiganwearer Wrote:OK., I'll have a go at the first part (if I get time later I'll addresss the second part too).

The question is extremely difficult, graphs like those encapsulate an enormous amount of information and the very point of making them is that they are the best way of conveying a lot of information in a way that can be easily assimilated.

Your first paragraph simply tells me exactly what I can see from the labels on the graphs and conveys no new information or insight.

You might want to comment on trends rather than specific yearly values, they can be read by looking at the graph. You might want to speculate about why the trend in both graphs is upwards, economic prosperity, cheaper air fares? What do you think happened to cause the blip in 1991, feel free to speculate but back your speculation with facts (to be honest I can't think of any!).

The graphs give you the number of Japanese foreign tourists for each year and the percentage that chose to go to Austalia, using the numbers for each year there is another set of figures you can work out, see if you can guess what it is.

That's my take on the question but I don't have any background about what you've been learning in this area or whether this question arises out of geography or mathematics or whatever, so forgive me if I'm miles off. Just remember that generally with questions like this marks will be awarded for anything you can bring to the question from your learning elsewhere. Just be sure you back it up, making stuff up is frowned upon.

Best of luck with the test.

Thanks a lot for your suggestion... some of them are really helpful... as to wha you said in last but one pragraph, our teacher told us not to write information the charts do not provide. which has to be objective..Confusedmile:
many thanks again~~
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#7
simon Wrote:I could be wrong but I think he is after grammar corrections rather then comments of the content.

Confusedmile: simon knows me the best~~~haha lolConfusedmile:
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