Catullus

[XRIMO]

I wasn't sure if I should put these on the humour thread or poetry. I decided to put it here since it is humourous poetry. Here are two poems by the Roman poet Catullus (translated from Latin by Peter Whigham). I love dirty Latin poetry.

Poem 74

Gellius,
hearing his uncle anathematise the mere mention
as well as the performance of love and love's ways
determined to take full advantage of the situation
by promptly assaulting his aunt. Uncle
was discreetly unable even to refer to the event,
Gellius could do as he wished.
If he buggered the old man himself,
Uncle would not utter a word.

Poem 80

How is it, Gellius,
when you leave home in the morning
& again at 2 in the afternoon
with the rest of the day before you
after your soft siesta
that your lips
previously pink
are unaccountably whiter than winter snow?
One is not sure,
unless rumour speak true:
that you swallow the taut tumescence of a man's stomach.
One thing is certain
that Virro's strained thighs
& your lips flecked with semen
cry out in unison to onlookers.

[sexyzackers]

i didn't understand any of that. could you translate it into normal english? lol! jk...mile:

[portugal_the_man]

I didn't get the first one too much. The second one is talking about how Gellius and Virro get it on in the morning and then in the afternoon when they take their afternoon 'break' before heading back to work or whatever they normally do.

Catallus is saying that Virro's 'strained' thighs are the reason for the jizz on Gellius' lips.

The Romans wrote dirty sometimes!

There are a couple that I remember off the top of my head:
"Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo" = "I f'ed you and then made you perform oral sex on me"

Another was a graffitto on the walls of a bathhouse in Pompeii:
"Myrtis bene felas" = "Myrtis gives good head"