Family

[Genersis]

We all know that saying. "you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family."

I was wondering, a quite a few topics i've seen on this site have people worrying about how their parents could reject them. And its understandable if they still live with their parents and depend on them. But if they are NOT, then i sometimes wonder "Parents are just people, if they don't accept you for who you are, then what's the big deal. If they turn mean or controlling, distance yourself from them, or drop them altogether. If not, then give them space to come to terms with your sexuality."

I've kind of realised. I really don't feel much for my family.
Sure i would say i'm friends with my brother and mother. But i don't feel a "bond" with them. As for my dad and sister? Meh....

I really feel no obligation to them just because they are my family. Though i guess if something ACTUALLY happend to one of them i may change my tune.

With my distant family(Cousins, aunts, grandparents), i really don't give a hoot any more about them. Keeping in contact with them just doesn't interest me in the slightest. I don't want to be friends with them. Why should the fact they are related to me make me change my mind? No i don't care cousin number 12 has had baby number 2, and i don't want them prying into if i've got a girlfriend(Har har) or if i'm going to college/working.

Am i heartless? All i want are people i care about in my life. Why should i be expected to care about people just because they share common ancestry with me?

Sorry. Bit of a rant.:redface:
Bet i'm going to regret posting this...

ANYWAY! I guess what i'm asking is, what's your feelings about family?
Do you feel obligated to do certain things just because you are related to someone?
Or did you ditch your family long ago? Did it work out?

Sorry if this is a bit of a sensitive subject for some of you.:redface:
I'm just really curious!

[East]

Good question Gen! Ya know what is funny?...and ironic? I have gotten more crap for rejecting my family than I ever got for being gay.....people repeat the same bullsh*t dogma stuff so often that they have us all believing that "family" is forever....and the Bible has swift punishments for people who dare to defy their parents but then again anytime something smells rotten the Bible is always there lurking in the shadows somewhere.

I was born to two very sadistic people...the high school king and queen. Bullies in the worst sense...your own kids?. She was violent and put me in the hospital when I was three..stabbed me and blamed it on an intruder. They loved to torture their children mentally, physically and emotionally. They were also very well respected model citizens and everyone loved them so I had to either choose them or myself if I didn't want to live an angry life. I decided one day that I had enough of keeping their secrets...it was killing me to do so. I told them the truth about who they were and what they did and I divorced them..had nothing to do with them even when they died. I was glad they died. I did not love them or even like them and I refused to pretend that I did.

When i was young I was scared all of the time..I thought I was living with the devil....but I have never felt sorry for myself and instead I am grateful that they were my parents because I have to thank them for being so deceitful and phony and evil as it has helped me look at everything in life with a different and much clearer set of eyes than most of the people around me...has forced me to be honest with myself and demand it of others...forced me to find solutions to problems instead of letting them go. They gave me my drive and determination. I survived them...my brothers weren't so lucky.

I don't hate them.....I pity them...and I forgive them...but I had nothing to do with them in the years before they died and I have never regretted it for a second though everyone insisted I would.

As for choosing my parents...i actually think I chose them before I was born so i could work out some karma from my last life :biggrin: Whatever it was that I did I have more than atoned for it. :biggrin:

[TimmyThink]

I actually get along with family very well, or at least my immediate family anyway. I hang out with both my brothers on a near daily bases and I also feel kind of lucky cause when it comes the parent lottery,. Growing up it's hard to see since they're the one telling you no all the time but that I’m older I can look back at it objectively to see that they were and are awesome parents.

I don’t know how my family would react to my coming out, but I know that they would never turn there backs on me. Even if they didn’t react positively, they would still be there for me I needed it. I might not be dependant on them financially but I do need them in my life.

I need both my brother in my life to keep me humble and grounded.

I need both my parents for support everyday and that highway goes both way, I just gave my mom & dad $300 because they needed new brakes on the car and I say gave not lent cause they never have to pay me back. I did this because I know that when I need some extra cash or a place to crash or even just a word of advice I can go to my parents for that and they would never ask for anything in return.

As for my extended family, I don’t really care what they think of me. I talk to some of them but they are not in my personal support system.

I guess to answer your question Genersis I feel no obligation to be anything to my family other than being myself. We has a family have been through way to much shit to let something like sexuality break those bonds down.

[jbrowder24]

It's going to be different for everyone. For some people, parents don't mean as much because they were never around anway or they're abusive etc. For others, these are the people that have been there for you cheering you on, perhaps helping buy your first car or pay for college, etc.

I myself have a mix, a dad that was working a lot and that I was never as close to, though he wasn't abusive; and a mom who's always been there and I feel close to.... I also feel close to my sisters. Extended family, I could see some cut ties but not immediate... if my mom and dad were divorced, I probably would cut ties with my dad... but they still love each other despite being opposites in many ways, all these years later and have survived a lot. It's not always easy to know what to do because I genuinely want my mom to be happy.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

I kinda feel the sme way as you, David, although for quite different reasons. My father keeps demanding I do stuff and act respectflly towards him just because he's paying for my food, my house and my education. But he's a total douche bag. I can honestly say that I hate him. About the way he thinks he's such a man, the way he doesn't really care about mom and he's a total narcisist and is sooo egocentrical. You know? BUT I can't start paying for all that stuff. I mean, I asked the Dean of our school if maybe I could a pply for a scholarship now, after I've been studying here almost two years. And he said no. So...And I would really like to start working, I'd love to actually, but with my school hours and all the requirements our teachers lay down...
So I can't wait to leave and be on my own. And speak to my dad as little as possible. Because I also know that once I try to change my body and start wearing more and more man clothes, they will start asking questions and will not be accpeting. Pha, my dad is a fucking homophobe..

So I feel that it will be totally fine to cut off relations with one's parents. Yeah, they are just people and, yeah, maybe you do owe them something because they've raised you and all, but if they can't accept you then screw them. It's their loss.

[fredv3b]

Blood is thicker than water...

[princealbertofb]

In a way, precious one, I'm a little sorry to hear that you feel that much estranged from your family, but then again I understand where you are coming from. I sometimes feel a little estranged from my family too, but at other times, I realise how important it is to have a family. Now that my mother has gone, the unifying factor has definitely died out, or has it? Strangely, I believe that the bonds that unite me to my brothers and father and my brothers' offspring and wives and their families has probably found a new meaning and a new depth. We'll see how things grow from there. It'll be interesting to see how we manage to have a family feast day like Easter as a family without mum there... Already we've taken the liberty to move the feast day a week away from the actual date (emancipation if you will, lol) but we are still striving to keep some of the bonding celebrations together. I think it is important.

[azulai]

I’m very close with my immediate family. My dad has this wonderfully calming nature, he’s always singing, we have great discussions and I admire his patience. My mom is very emotional, and a worrier but she can also be really funny. She and I have had some very heated arguments over religion, and I’ve hurt her in the past over this issue because I was a selfish ass. But, I know she’d come out swinging if I ever needed someone to fight a battle. I love them both so much and I respect them. I admire their relationship.

My sisters can be an aggravation but I’m sure they feel the same way about me. :tongue: I love them and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

About a year ago my mom found a lump in her breast and I think it made us all appreciate each other more. It was benign but it had to be removed. It was scary for all of us, especially my youngest sister.

I think they will all be very supportive of me, but very emotional, and I have no fear of any of them turning their backs on me over my sexuality. I’m just not ready for the intrusion.

I’m close with both sets of my grandparents and one of my grandfathers has some health issues and both my parents help out with his care. And, sometimes it’s easier for my dad or me to stay with him to give my grandma a break because we’re guys and helping with bathroom stuff is more comfortable for him.

We do have extended family get togethers which I hate but suffer through because it makes everybody happy.

[toomuch45]

We all know that saying. "you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family."

I was wondering, a quite a few topics i've seen on this site have people worrying about how their parents could reject them. And its understandable if they still live with their parents and depend on them. But if they are NOT, then i sometimes wonder "Parents are just people, if they don't accept you for who you are, then what's the big deal. If they turn mean or controlling, distance yourself from them, or drop them altogether. If not, then give them space to come to terms with your sexuality."

I've kind of realised. I really don't feel much for my family.
Sure i would say i'm friends with my brother and mother. But i don't feel a "bond" with them. As for my dad and sister? Meh....

I really feel no obligation to them just because they are my family. Though i guess if something ACTUALLY happend to one of them i may change my tune.

With my distant family(Cousins, aunts, grandparents), i really don't give a hoot any more about them. Keeping in contact with them just doesn't interest me in the slightest. I don't want to be friends with them. Why should the fact they are related to me make me change my mind? No i don't care cousin number 12 has had baby number 2, and i don't want them prying into if i've got a girlfriend(Har har) or if i'm going to college/working.

Am i heartless? All i want are people i care about in my life. Why should i be expected to care about people just because they share common ancestry with me?

Sorry. Bit of a rant.:redface:
Bet i'm going to regret posting this...

ANYWAY! I guess what i'm asking is, what's your feelings about family?
Do you feel obligated to do certain things just because you are related to someone?
Or did you ditch your family long ago? Did it work out?

Sorry if this is a bit of a sensitive subject for some of you.:redface:
I'm just really curious!

i feel the same way as you

although i do love my family i just think we really dont bond together cause we all do things differently and i feel i be heartless at times too but when it comes to me judging that if you are heartless i say no because you are a different person and everyones different.

well i tried:redface:

[SlipknotRlZZ]

You know what, this is way too weird. I am watching this movie, Stand By Me, right now. And it's based on a Stephen Kind novel/short story.

And there's this boy, Teddy. He's a lil crazy you know, but he's great guy. And his dad, he fought in WWII or something, I don't know really what war, and he's a little crazy too. He beats him from time to time and he once burned Teddy's ear on the kitchen stove. But Teddy doesn't hate him. He loves him. Unconditionally. I mean, that's what we get, you know. And then here comes this fat bastard calling his dad a luni (Idk if thats how you spell it)...and Teddy goes nuts and keeps shouting that his dad was in the war and all.

So why doesn't he hate him? I kinda get it, but not quite. If I were him, I'd have killed my dad by now.