Alone, how much longer can I handle this?

[mooninleo]

Hi everyone,

I can't fight this inner emptiness anymore. It haunts me and when I'm alone i really can't handle it. I am okay around people, but i'm not able to relax and ever open up to people because my sadness is so deep.

Its love basically. I was adopted and i feel just very void of love. I want a boyfriend, or a family, something to heal this void. I don't know what else to do. i work, i'm involved in groups, i'm seeing a therapist. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? I just don't think i know how to be happy anymore... Can anyone tell me what makes their lives complete?

Thank you

[matty7]

i dont have your life experience but i feel your need for love = ur doin all the right things though - if your therepist is not helping then maybe change them,,,,do whats best for you - all my best m8

[interesting]

Hi everyone,

I can't fight this inner emptiness anymore. It haunts me and when I'm alone i really can't handle it. I am okay around people, but i'm not able to relax and ever open up to people because my sadness is so deep.

Its love basically. I was adopted and i feel just very void of love. I want a boyfriend, or a family, something to heal this void. I don't know what else to do. i work, i'm involved in groups, i'm seeing a therapist. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? I just don't think i know how to be happy anymore... Can anyone tell me what makes their lives complete?

Thank you

:frown: Don't feel lonely, I think I know what you mean, I sometimes get the same feelings too. But I do try to think of positive events in my life (or alternatively, this might sound horrible, but look at other people's lives who are more messed up than mine) and I feel better.

Being lonely isn't really something that can be cured so fast, you have a forum full of people, just start up a convo with someone who seem to share your interests, you never know, you might meet a really cool guy. I wish you all the best mile:

[Beaux]

Hi. I do feel for you and I mean this in absoultely the best way, but if you cannot be happy alone, then you cant be happy with anyone else either. No one can "complete" you (no matter how many times you watch Jerry Meguire).
I spent most of my adult life jumping from one long term relationship to another. By the time I was 36, I was STILL looking to fill that void. To be completely honest, it took some therapy for me to really understand the impossible position I had been putting myself in for so many many years: I defined myself (and my own measure of success) by the person I was in a relationship with. It just didnt work.
I am honestly happier now than I have ever been. I am single. I am dating and enjoying it. I may or may not have another long-term relationship in my life. Either way I am a very content person.
I do genuinely wish you the best, but being with someone doesnt in and of itself bring happiness. Only two COMPLETE persons can engage in a health relationship.

[Waylon777]

I feel for you man. I have a similar experience. That feeling like oyou are missing something in your heart and you know it, but you can't find it. And that feeling of hunger to just try to feel love in some ways and try to just find someone, family or simply, a good friend. Love is hard to find. I've never visited a therapist before since I knew that no matter however I feel lonely, I know that I am fine and I can find love. My advice is, just keep hope and be positive. It sounds like a cliche, but if you try, that might open your heart more. If you have something that you want to say, don't be scared to talk to your friends and foster parents. After all friends are there help you when you need one and feel the void of being alone, and your foster parents definitely have the responsibility to listen to you and help you.I know that it seems hard, but just keep in mind that you are not alone. Try to remember, any good things that anyone has ever done to you.Try to think how many friends have your back, then you will realise that maybe you are not so alone. If you need someone to talk to, just go to bars and make friends. It's definitely hard to open up to people especially if you had some really messed up past.(I've had really horrible childhood memories.) But, don;t be afraid to open up. No one will open up if no onetakes the first step. Be brave and start small. Try to talk to your friends about how you really feel, little by little, so that you won;t get overwhelmed and scared. Just remember that your friends are there for you when you need them. As for finding love and so on, I've never had any relationships before, but you could always visit gay bars and local gay community. You just have to initiate a conversation to guy you like and see where it goes from there. So you definitely need to open up, so that the guy will know how you feel about things. Sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith and trust the guy. So go on and start opening up. No matter how hard it may seem at first, it will get easier, just don;t give up and start small.

[XRIMO]

hey, I was in that mindset too. It takes some effort to really get out of it. Luckily I found a great therapist, I had really good friends, and even had someone come into my life that gave me hope. I know thats not really comfort, but nonetheless, your happiness is around you its a matter of opening your eyes and seeing it. I remember it hit me last week, how happy I was and how far I came out of the despair I was in. I'm sure you can do it, its all about knowing you are amazing being who you are!

[princealbertofb]

I feel for you man. I have a similar experience. That feeling like oyou are missing something in your heart and you know it, but you can't find it. And that feeling of hunger to just try to feel love in some ways and try to just find someone, family or simply, a good friend. Love is hard to find. I've never visited a therapist before since I knew that no matter however I feel lonely, I know that I am fine and I can find love. My advice is, just keep hope and be positive. It sounds like a cliche, but if you try, that might open your heart more. If you have something that you want to say, don't be scared to talk to your friends and foster parents. After all friends are there help you when you need one and feel the void of being alone, and your foster parents definitely have the responsibility to listen to you and help you.I know that it seems hard, but just keep in mind that you are not alone. Try to remember, any good things that anyone has ever done to you.Try to think how many friends have your back, then you will realise that maybe you are not so alone. If you need someone to talk to, just go to bars and make friends. It's definitely hard to open up to people especially if you had some really messed up past.(I've had really horrible childhood memories.) But, don;t be afraid to open up. No one will open up if no onetakes the first step. Be brave and start small. Try to talk to your friends about how you really feel, little by little, so that you won;t get overwhelmed and scared. Just remember that your friends are there for you when you need them. As for finding love and so on, I've never had any relationships before, but you could always visit gay bars and local gay community. You just have to initiate a conversation to guy you like and see where it goes from there. So you definitely need to open up, so that the guy will know how you feel about things. Sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith and trust the guy. So go on and start opening up. No matter how hard it may seem at first, it will get easier, just don;t give up and start small.

While I understand that the whole of this post is well-meaning, I think it's actually slightly misinformed on how Mooninleo can get out of his rut. He says he's tried everything... and unfortunately a leopard can't always change its spots. However the leopard might understand that he's hunting on the wrong turf.

Waylon, you are right about the necessity to open up, probably, and the fact that some people are around us and ready to help if we let them help, but I think we don't always measure exactly how deeply lonely some people feel. They are so sure that no one can relate to their problems that they withdraw even deeper into themselves.

I don't know if Mooninleo is in that kind of state, but I think we can all relate, in some aspects, to his quest for the feeling of being loved and being able to exchange that love.

Beaux is right too about getting to love oneself first before being able to love others. Confidence is a real magnet, but Mooninleo seems to be in such a state of despair that his opening up about that despair, he surely feels, will only make people flee. I must say that people often prefer to be with fun people than with sad ones. It's a question of balance really.

From what Mooninleo has said, he's come to a certain age and experience, and done a certain number of things that should normally have afforded him some deeper friendships, and some purposes in life and yet that love eludes him. The question is always WHY? The answer may be hope and patience, as suggested.

ok, good luck, and be hopeful and patient, Mooninleo. I wish you all the best.

[AILU]

Mooninleo, I am sort of in the same situation as you are. Here is something that is helping me and I hope it will help you too.

There are two kinds of people (most likely oversimplified). One kind usually have too much expectation for their partner and a relationship so that they rarely find the kind of relationship that they desire, and at the same time the desire for love and relationship keeps growing and growing, and eventually to a degree that they often overestimate what a relationship can really bring to them. They feel so sad because they overestimate what they are missing. The second kind of people usually have less expectation for a relationship and their partner, and thus more easily enter a relationship with others. Often, they end up finding out that the relationship is not what they are looking for again and again, and eventually become tired of relationships.

I am not saying whether these are bad or good. It's just how things are. You are probably in the first situation, and me too. What I find helpful is to talk to people who have had a lot of relationships, and listen to their stories, their struggles, etc. Then, you realize that you probably overestimated what a relationship can actually bring to you. Then, you stop feeling such a grave loss. And probably you would also lower your expectation for a relationship and start to find yourself more receptive to others.

I find this helpful to me. I hope this might be helpful to you.