An old gay man new to this site

[Natural]

Hello everyone,

I am wondering if there are other European men gay men members of Gayspeak who like me living in India and would love to exchange views on our common experiences.

As you know, I am new to this site and I find it interesting but, at the same time, I wonder if it is the right place for me to be.

I am a 60+ man from Europe living in India for the last nearly 40 years and I am gay. I have a sweet partner who lives with me for the past 5 years and we have more or less settled in our relationship into a deep mutual love.

However, I have not come out to everyone around me. Though, people working with me are fully aware of my sexual orientation as well as with my relationship with my partner. However, I have not informed my sister and her husband though I feel they are aware of my being gay.

It is really difficult for me to explain the situation in which I find myself. The issue I have is that I am a person who is deeply involved into hindu spirituality. India is a country where till 2 years ago homosexuality was legally considered as a crime punishable with prison and fine. this law was hardly implemented but was giving the police the right to harass all gay people in the country. However, homosexuality is rampant in this country and makes one feel that most of the men are gay. The general understanding amongst Indian male is that they can sexually do whatever they want provided they do it quietly and once reaching the age of 30 should accept the woman their parents have chosen for him to marry. He will make children to that woman and will continue his gay sexual activities on the side and will call himself "bi-sexual"! Of course, if he was to catch a sexual desease with a man with whom he would have had a "quicky" and would pass it to his wife.

I am therefore fearing that once my Partner reaches 30 he will not have the mental strength to fight with the whole family who will create hell for him to get married though he always maintains that there is no way he would marry a woman...Two times already was I ditched after 10 years of relationship with an Indian man...I dread this to happen to me for a 3 time!!!

[joseph]

hello.to gayspeak . that is bbad being ditssed no boyfrind .i hope it is ok and him was your bofrined.it can be peple help you on gayspeak here

[SrChulo]

I see that you've posted on this topic before, but you didn't get much help. Maybe you could edit this post to remove the "hi i'm new" part, so people can focus on the issue at hand. If not, you might just get a bunch of replies that say "welcome!"

[Beaux]

Hello. The above poster is correct, as I had intended to post "Hello and Welcome" when I first ckicked on your thread. I am however happy your here. mile:

My word you do seem to be in a situation dont you? I imagine that many people are reluctant to become fully commited to answering your question because there are several uncomfortable points of contention in your post.
I have somthing of a reputation for brutal honesty, so, now that I am commited to a course, I will do my best to answer your question as best as I can. Lets take this in segments.

[Quote]
As you know, I am new to this site and I find it interesting but, at the same time, I wonder if it is the right place for me to be.[End Quote]

I for one am happy to have you here, I believe that the prespectives of older, more experienced men is of tremendous value.

[Quote]
I am a 60+ man from Europe living in India for the last nearly 40 years and I am gay. I have a sweet partner who lives with me for the past 5 years and we have more or less settled in our relationship into a deep mutual love.
However, I have not come out to everyone around me. Though, people working with me are fully aware of my sexual orientation as well as with my relationship with my partner. However, I have not informed my sister and her husband though I feel they are aware of my being gay.[End Quote}

If your in your 60's and you havent come out to your immediate family (though you suspect that they know), then you have reached something of the limit havent you? It could very well be that you may be near your final chance to tell them.

[Quote]
The issue I have is that I am a person who is deeply involved into hindu spirituality.
[End Quote]

You may need to elaborate on this, perhaps I am missing something, but from reading the rest of your post I really cant see that this is a problem.

[Quote]
I am therefore fearing that once my Partner reaches 30 he will not have the mental strength to fight with the whole family who will create hell for him to get married though he always maintains that there is no way he would marry a woman...Two times already was I ditched after 10 years of relationship with an Indian man...I dread this to happen to me for a 3 time!!!
[End Quote]

I believe that here we come to the actual problem you find yourself faced with. No disrespect intended Sir, however when we enter into a relationship with someone significantly younger than we are, we accept the risk, nay the likely-hood, that they are at a different stage in life than we are and that the the probibility is very high that the relationship will run its course. I do feel for you, and I realize that awareness of this likely outcome probably doesnt bring any kind of comfort with it.
I am several years younger than you, so perhaps your own years offer more of a vantage on the subject than my own. I do know though, from my own relationships with men at different stages in their lives than I am at myself, that I always went into the relationships knowing that they would be fleeting. I went in anyway, which is what I suspect that you have done yourself. Life is often cruel but we do make our own choices.

I sincerely hope that your relationship works out for both you and your partner. I wish you all happiness.

Beaux

P.S.
Reading through my post, I dont seem to offer much answer do I? I apologize, but I can find little to say that may offer you hope. I will leave you with the words of a dear friend who counceled me once: "Nothing lives forever, even stars die, but My God! They are beautiful while they burn!"

[zeon]

hello there,
welcome to the forum... You should re assure your partner that we are who we are in life and nothing changes that... Maybe talk with him about moving away from family to ease pressure

jindest regards

zeon

[mooninleo]

Hello old gay man! Welcome to gay speak!

Wow what an interesting culture you've described. Just fascinating to my experience. In the US its becoming easier to come out and be gay. Its lonely but I live in San Francisco and there are lots of very high acheiving gay men here, who i'm slowly becoming friends with.

Ther are lots of small towns where the culture says that its gross and womanly to be gay and you can get beaten up or some people do get killed. Straight Men pretty much repress any notion of being gay, and esp in small towns can be filled with lots of hate and judgement about everything.

Maybe I should come to india? Want to show a 28yo american around?

[marshlander]

Bonjour encore, Natural.

It sounds like you are counting down to the time that John is going to be forced to leave you. You've been around long enough to know that if something happens it happens. If you and he have a loving relationship would you be honouring him more by making the most of the time you have together? I think that if I felt that my partner was living under a sword of Damocles it would make it really hard to live in the now, as you have mentioned you and he try to do.

I don't mean to undermine your relationship or to sound critical. It just sounds very difficult having to live each day with this kind of worry gnawing away at you. My best wishes to you and your partner for whatever happens. I hope you have many happy years together.