This forum is my second step in my coming out phase. I am literally shaking writing this. Anyway, I am a 21 year-old male scared to death of coming out. I have told 3 close friends that I am Bi but I am 90% sure I am gay. I want a guy but for some reason I am particularly picky. Is that strange? Do I tell my family? I am just really nervous and I am flipping out. I have had girlfriends since high school but none more than 6 months. I am afraid of what people will say to me. I have no gay friends and at college I feel like everyone will treat me different. Please help!
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Hi and Welcome,
at first... it is not important to tell everyone that you are gay ... or bi .. or whatever. It is your very own thing and decision to tell it. Tell it in the first step only your best friends ... watch what happend ... and after a while you can see what happens.... how your friends react ... and then go further. Try to find gay and bi friends to learn how they live....
After a while you can see that nothing bad happens ... you will find people who are on your side ..and some wich are not. Don´t be scared... it´s easier as it sounds... and if there are problems don´t give up... you are on your right way.
Important is to go step by step.... and not all steps at once
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I agree. I am in your situation as well, escept not really as worysome. I have told a few of my friends and I am now a lot more comfortable with myself. I am not quite ready to tell everyone just yet, but if someone asks or finds out, I dont think I will be as scared to admit it as I used to be. This has been a fairly long process for me, first telling my best friends (2 females back home) and it went over very well. They, being christians, dont really encourage it, but they still support and love me for who I am. I recently told two guys here at college that im close with, and to my surprise, they are both cool with it.
My biggest fears were that the guys I told would be the ones to reject me (I feel girls accept it easier). However, the guys I have told are just as okay with it as the girls.
Basically, make sure you are real with yourself, accept you for you, and all the rest will come with time. try not to rush to come out, do it when you feel comfortable with yourself.
Me, im not ready to tell my parents. I told my brother when I was drunk but haven't told any of my other family. I feel its coming soon, but just waiting until it feels right to do so.
Take your time, live your life the way you want to, not the way others think you should live it.
Hope this helps.
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Hi DJS,
Coming out is an intense experience that is different for everyone that goes through it so DO NOT think that you need to tell everyone at once or that you are doing something wrong. You need to take the time to be comfortable and go at your own pace.
Also, just because you are in the process of "coming out," this does not mean that you have to change anything about yourself. You are still the same person with the same values. In my Sophomore year of college, basically I decided that I was not going to advertise my sexuality but if anyone asked me, I would not be afraid to admit it. I never really had that many gay friends in college either but I had lots of other friends that knew me as I was and didn't care.
I am also going to be honest with you. Some people will say stuff and some people will assume certain things about you. The best thing you can do is just continue to be your wonderful self and show that being gay does not define who you are or what kind of personality you have. Your sexuality is just one aspect of your "self." I think that starting with close friends is a great idea and you should work your way out as you feel comfortable. I would also never tell someone that they HAVE TO come out, what I would say is that whatever your choices are, they should set the foundation for the world that you ultimately want to live in.
Best of Luck to You :-)
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djs6949 Wrote:This forum is my second step in my coming out phase. I am literally shaking writing this. Anyway, I am a 21 year-old male scared to death of coming out.
RELAX! It's OK, really it is. We have all been there, we know what it is like. Also joining GS was a good step, you have just made (I think so anyway).
djs6949 Wrote:I want a guy but for some reason I am particularly picky. Is that strange?
How picky are you? I once used a dating site that allowed me to enter my preference in eye colour, I thought that was strange. Not wanting to leap into bed with any guy under 40 who feels likewise is not strange.
djs6949 Wrote:Do I tell my family?
Eventually, probably a good idea (assuming you have an average-ish family). Right-now, almost certainly a bad idea. You need to be far more comfortable with being gay first.
djs6949 Wrote:I have no gay friends and at college I feel like everyone will treat me different. Please help!
At your college, is there any LGBT society, or similar? You might find getting to know a few gay people, people who know what you are going through, helpful.
Just my thoughts, hope they are helpful.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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You have your face pic shows on this forum. Isn't it a huge step of coming out already?
Yes, when you come out to people, your relationship with them will be different. It will evolve to be more mature and honest. Since I came out to several friends, I can talk to them more about my life without changing him/her or even making up a whole new person.
It was scary at first then you will get used to it. You don't have to start your conversation with "I am gay". For me my favorite coming out line to close friends are like "Hey, I have something to tell you. But you have to promise me that you will give me a hug no matter what."
And for new friends, it can come easier like "oh, my favorite club is .... ( a gay club )." then they will get the hint. Then I make a joke about that and end up with "I am gay btw".
Also, no one would throw rock at you and if someone does, then you will have real friends there to throw more rock at them. That is what friends for.
Even my most conservative friend who did not accept that I am gay at all still wants to hang out with me like normal. We still play PS3 together alone in his apartment. No thing changes, I am still the dude who my straight friends want to hang out with. Coming out doesn't suddenly makes me want to change from playing Halo to cross dressing. I am still myself and all of my friends understand that verywell!!!
Side note : I am not living in a liberal town at all !!! I am living in one of the most (may be the most ) conservative place in TX.
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Hi welcome to forum
Make sure you come out when the time is right I know with me when I came out to family it was scary but luckily they accepted it all remember be yourself first gay second
Kindest regards
Zeon x
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Hey djs,
College is the best time to come out! It is so much more acceptable to be non-straight than during high school, and you can actually meet and hook up with all sorts of people who are in the same situation as you. I wish I had started earlier in my academic career  Relax, have fun and stay safe. You will be hurt along the way, but you will be stronger.
Oh and you are really cute 
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[quote=posterpicture]You have your face pic shows on this forum. Isn't it a huge step of coming out already?
Yes. That was a tough decision for me. However, I feel completely accepted here. Secondly, I feel like it's nearly impossible for me to get a relationship without people seeing what I look like.
Your reply helped me a lot! Thank you so much!
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