don't know what to do?????

[pals2011]

hi guys, i'm still coming to terms with being gay, but now i just wanna grab the courage and start to go out and find my ideal partner now, trouble is i'm still scared to do it, i don't want to put up with peoples negative respones as it will knock me back, why is something this this so scary, i cant help the way i feel, i konw what i want but i always let negative things get in the way, maybe its still soon to go out and explore the gay scene, but the more i wait the harder it gets, i just wanna find mr right now and settle down, but im always letting my anxiety get in the way.

what can i do to overcome these feelings and emotions. many thanks

[rakmatis]

Well, do you know what your ideal guy is?

I find the easiest way to get to know somebody is to just walk up and say hi. Go to a bar or club and talk to the bartender. Just be like "Hey man, Im not really sure of myself, do you know any of the guys here who are cool? Im not looking for any pressure, just to get comfortable with myself."

most times bartenders are really cool.
Best part is, you dont even have to drink, and it would probably be best not to, the first few times.

[azulai]

I'm not sure a bar scene would be a good place to start if you know potential negativity would harm your steps forward in accepting yourself.

I'm in the US, so I'm not sure how LGBT Centers are set up in the UK, but have you considered checking those out, if available?

I'm only familiar with the one at my school but we have a breakfast group, a lunch group, lectures, activism, give-back to the community, socials, bar nights, and lots of sub-groups for each academic school and hobbies like biking, hiking, etc.

There is a level of positivity, support and welcome that might be easier on you and your emotions as you grow in your acceptance of yourself.

Whatever you do, I strongly recommend that you go with an attitude of making friends and having fun. Don't look for romance, let it find you.

Best wishes!

[mooninleo]

hey pals. Thanks for writing. i hope you enjoy sharing with gayspeak. i always come back to this forum in my times of need.

This anxiety could possibly your need to look inside of yourself, and to know yourself better. If you're unsure of who you are, try doing things that fit into the 'dream you' inside your head. Join groups, learn your interests. I think adulthood is all about developing your interests and increasing your potential.

I'm 28, and its taken me my whole life to get to this point. loneliness, pain, dealing with being alone. but once you're able to embrace who you are, you can live from within and you will feel more confident about living the person you really are.

I used to think EVERYONE was judging me. i still do sometimes, and i get anxiety. But you have to get to a place where you can be alone and be comfortable with who you are and what your life is.

Best of luck on your journey.

[jbrowder24]

As much as you want your ideal partner, as scared as you are it may be better to just start with friends. Even that can be daunting to those of us with some anxiety, but it might help you become more comfortable with being gay and also lead to one of those friendships growing

[Waylon777]

Well, if you don't say hi or anything to start up the conversation, the chances are, nothing will happen. You can't wait for the guy to come over to say hi either, since it's hard to notice signals(or maybe I'm just too oblivious). Plus, even if you get a negative response, you never had the guy to begin with, so nothing lost. Also, start out as a friend, don;t go up and say be my boyfriend because at that point, you definitely don't know what kind of guy he is. Just be friends first and see where that will take you. If you thing he isn't the one. then you've got yourself another great friend! I think you find out what type of guy you like as you go along hanging out.