Positivity vs. Negativity

[fredv3b]

I have to agree with your thoughts about laughter. I reckon that aside from various linguistic puns and other absurdities most humour is about negative situations in one form or another.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

I tend to look at the positive side of life as the negative tends to piss me off and i would rather be happy than pissed

[piefolk]

Ha. Well said!

[SlipknotRlZZ]

I kind of welcome negativity because I have accepted the fact I can hardly ever be positive, so it's just cool with me now. :d It's really not that bad to be negative when you learn how to deal with it and not let it get intp your system too much (which I have not yet fully mastered). It helps you think about things in greater depth. And it doesn't allow you to get your hopes up too high so you kind of avoid dissapointment more easily.

But if I do want to be positive for awhile I usually try to be among fun people who will chase the sullen thoughts away.

[Darius]

lol, a lot of things help, but I only have a few methods.

Firstly, I hope for the best but try to be ready to deal with the worst, and don't try to expect either one to happen. Then when it's in the middle somewhere, your hopes aren't really that disappointed and you've already planned how to turn the situation around.

Secondly, when I have an emotion that is really bugging me one that i can't shake, I generally go very deeply into it. I sit with it, meditate upon it, cry about it, scream about it, talk about it, write about it, go for long walks and think about it, really take my time and feel the emotion in its fullness, not just the part that come over me, but all the stuff behind it (for example: I'm pissed. why? Cuz I don't want to be doing this? why? cuz I was told to do it by my mother. Why? cuz she has always been telling em what to do. why dies this upset me if it's always been that way? cuz she never acknowledges what I might want to do, it's always her decision what I do. She has never taken the time out to discuss stuff with me, and through that I feel upset that she doesn't em to care what I want out of life, just what she wants FOR me.) Now that process can take days or even weeks when you're new to it, primarily because you should never let yourself get overwhelmed in it. The key (and the really hard part) is to regulate yourself, to go deep into it, ponder the feelings for a bit, then when you start to feel overwhelmed, come out of them, take a break and do something else and then voluntarily GO BACK IN to that dark place and dwell in it some more. Rinse and repeat. Obviously, you would include work-shifts and school in those breaks. We have to go on with our lives regardless of what we're feeling, we just shouldn't let our emotional scars heal over the knives that are still in them, causing us pain.
It's really hard, and it helps a LOT to have someone else to talk this stuff out with as well, someone willing to listen without telling you what they think too much (I know, hard to find, but they do exist out there) and I never recommend doing this alone.

I also try to really look at all the little things. This helps a whole heck of a lot more than you would think it does. I sit and just look at a tree, and try and find every beautiful thing I can in the sight/smell/texture/qualities of that tree. Do I like the way the bark swirls? What does the color of the leaves remind me of? Don't the branches look hauntingly beautiful covered in all that ice and snow? I do this with all sorts of things. Clouds, sunsets, pavement, candles, drawings, buildings, food, drink, bus rides, train rides, the sounds a child makes(good or bad), the cloth something I'm currently walking past is made out of, or the pattern on it, the way a window-sign is painted. I especially do this with food. How often do you cook a good meal, take you time making it delicious, smelling all the aromas as you cook and serve it, the way the smell changes with each ingredient, and then sit and chew each bite slowly and really take all the time you can allow yourself to enjoy the taste, the texture, the interplay of different flavors? Most of us just eat as an automatic behavior and don't really notice much detail beyond the most obvious flavors and the most predominant texture in the food, if we notice that much. Stop watching TV with your dinner and really just close your eyes and lose yourself in the taste and feel of your food. I've learned to enjoy meals a lot more this way. And just for the record, because I take my time eating my meals slowly instead of shoveling food into my mouth, I actually eat smaller portions and it has helped me stay nice and trim. Next time any of you consider a diet, try really taking your time eating first. Chewing your food 30 to 40 times is a start, and that still doesn't take as long as you might think. Most ppl just hurriedly chew it 6 to 15 times if that.


Then here's thinking compassionate thoughts about other people. That's the hardest, but if I can find even a single detail that evokes compassion or empathy in me, and particularly if I can find it in a person who is pissing me off, the vast majority of my anger and annoyance and frustration dissipates, and I find myself thinking compassionate thoughts about them. I mean sure, they're still being an a**hole, and that is not excusable, but I can at least think " how bad must their day have been to be so frustrated?" "How hard must they have it to be that angry at the world?" "How badly did their parents treat them and how little did their parents educate them to permit them to continually act so childish? how sad that they never grew up." "How long must this waiter have been working and how hard has their boss been riding them if they can't remember that simple an order?" and then you simply respond by treating them not like an a**hole, but like a human being who is having a hard time, just like every one of us do every day, and this particular human being can't seem to manage it that well at this moment, so I should be patient with them. It's hard at first, but I find it makes my day a lot better, whether it improves their day or not.

Lastly, you absolutely MUST spend a little time each day doing something you enjoy, something that satisfies you. Write poetry, play music, take up a hobby you enjoy, read a few chapters in a good book, bake cookies, lift weights(if you enjoy that sort of thing), go play a fun sport, have some real, engaging fun that gets you to do something nice in some way. It doesn't even have to be the same thing each day but it should get you off your backside. Try to mix it up. Oh, and for the record, I don't really consider smoking pot, playing videogames, or watching TV to be fun. They're comfortable activities that help you zone-out and relax, but they don't really qualify as fun, not unless you're playing videogames competitively with a friend, or going out with someone to see a movie and have dinner, etc. Actually get up and do something that you enjoy. Even reading a book at least gets your imagination going, and keeps you thinking.

But yeah, so that's all the stuff I do daily to help myself out. For the record, I was a horribly depressed suicidal kid at 8 and all through my teen years, and now I am one of the most well-adjusted, at-peace ppl I know.

[Paul1]

Well I have suffered with bad depression and anxiety from bullying as a child and teenager combined with bad seasonal affective disorder. Negative thinking is absolutely normal, so long as you bounce back and return to positive thinking. If you struggle to bounce back after two or three weeks, this could be the development of a depressive disorder.

I try to remember that the low mood will pass and is just a temporary state of mind, and a good exercise/meal will help. My technique is simply to accept the depressive episode in the knowledge it will go, even if it doesn't seem like it. Sometimes sleeping will reset it. Sometimes comedy will dull it.

My thinking is much more positive since I sought help for depression. It took me many years, but through understanding what depression was from a scientific perspective, I found things which changed my life. After all, we're talking about negative thinking here. I've come to the conclusion that it's partly psychological, partly lifestyle and partly biological.

* Psychology: Issues can be resolved through examining your negative emotions and trying to find out what behaviours are causing them or preventing you from fixing them, so you can think of ways to change that situation. Depression could be met with resolving the situation. Anxiety could be met with research/intention setting to understand the stressful event. Additionally, although the usefulness is questioned, you could question your stressful thoughts to see if they logically make sense. All of this is not easy to do, it needs a commitment to soul searching and it can take time to get better.

* Lifestyle: Lifestyle should be examined to see if it is healthy. Healthy sleep, Healthy eat, Exercise and avoid alcohol/drugs. Get these under control so that you can find out which ones encourage negative thinking.

* Biology: Learn about the "stress response" so you're not alarmed when it happens, learn how alcohol affects humans, and learn how exercise affects our bodies and brain. Importantly, if you suffer with depression then learn about it, with the aim of identifying the type you have. This will allow you to do further research into possible solutions science has to offer and treatment of symptoms.

I try to view low mood and negative thinking in a scientific manner. Depression and anxiety are illnesses to be treated, and there are many sympathetic articles out there on how to treat low mood. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy was very effective for me, and I still use the techniques in time of need. The "cure" was releasing I was suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) every winter, and buying a very very bright bulb to get rid of that. Best winter so far!

People will tell depression suffers it's a choice or all in their mind. Well yeah, it is all in your mind, however no sane person would choose to be miserable for weeks on end. Anyone who has real problems with negative thinking has my sympathy. I can only say that it does get better, it does take effort but it's not something you can't fix.

[DOMITIAN]

In all consideration and with the kindest of intentions, I must tell you that you are making a common but funamental mistake in your thinking.

That undamental mistake is asking too many questions. Annother way to put it is, you are thinking too much.

Nobody, anywhere on the planet, really knows what is going on at any given moment. We are all lost and barely able to understand what is happening. You are not alone. All this is perfectly normal. Do not get all wrapped up in ideas about "Negativity vs Positivity". It is all crap. This kind of circular thinking causes normal people to fall into religious cults etc. It is all a terrible waste of time.

Stick to the fundamentals: Nobody wants to be alone all the time. Do your best to get along with others. In order to do this, you must be tollerant of the faults and peculiar quirks of others. We are all different. We are all clueless.

The first fact you must adjust to is this: Life is short, so enjoy it the best way you can while you have time. Stop asking unanswerable questions. Stop creating imaginary problems. The number one problem facing most Humans is loneliness and boredom. Don't let these problems force you into nonsensical spiral thinking. Take each day, one day at a time, just like the rest of us.

You could also try reading more. I reccomend starting with Heiddegger, Hegel, Schopenhauer, and Nietzsche . . . . .