Young and confused.

[TheNamesMike]

So i'm 20 years old and have been out for about a year and half now and im just really unsure about a lot. I feel like I don't fit into the gay community, most people don't know I'm gay and so I don't attract any attention from guys that are...I don't wanna have to be overly gay, or change how I act so guys notice me but i fill like i have no choice. With that I feel as though the relationships i've seen with gay couples don't have any substance, there all shallow, based strictly on looks and not on who a person is. I'm the type of guy thats a hopeless romantic, i'm a sucker for it. I like to do sweet things, flowers, little dinners, random i miss you cards just to remind you i care.....but I don't think gay guys are into that or more so don't appreciate it as ladies do. I don't have really anyone i can trust to talk about this so I thought I'd post it and see how people respond. Any comments are welcomed.

ps. If you read this thanks for listening to me ramble lol

Mike

[DarkDaisuke]

I know how ya feel dude ad those relationships might have more tot hem believe me don't judge on one look and a lot of gays are gonna be vain/shallow. I'm not hell I'm not all that great looking. Youre gonna have those people who are vain/shallow always anywhere. Most people are to some degree.

[jbrowder24]

Some gays are into that stuff. I am. And I too have found it hard at times to relate to gays, at least in my local area (have met far more online that I can talk with and have shared interests, but locally I just seem to click more with straight friends). You definitely are not alone in how you feel.

One other thing is that some guys will change what they are looking for as they age. I was a hopeless romantic from a young age and you seem to be too, and are still at an age where it'll be a bit hard. But guys will tire of the games and end up wanting a guy like you. Hopefully you won't have to wait that long though as there are romantics out there

[KnightShade]

Well, Mike, it sounds like you have a problem. But fortunately there are some answers to many of your problems. First of all, there really are guys who are romantics and they enjoy displaying their romantic side just like you. They're out there, just look for them.

Second, you don't want to change the way you are in order to get a relationship. However, if you do change your personality in order to get a relationship, once you get into the relationship and the other person finds out that you were faking your personality they will dump you because they fell in love with a different you. So, it would be to your advantage to be you. In the long run, you'll be glad you did.

[East]

I do understand your concerns...probably more than most as I spent 20 years behind the bar at a busy gay nightclub and I am familiar with every kind of shallow on the planet...even the exotic breeds:eek::biggrin:...

...and I can also tell you that I have spent 25 years completely in love with the most wonderful man who rocks my world more every day...

The best thing you can do now that you have identified the problem is to be part of the solution.

[Fayt]

Well now, this actually sounds like where I am now (except being out for over a year). I hear people tell me to go to gay bars or clubs to get someone, but I'm not into that and I feel like I'll only get the people that love partying XD. Though, at school, out of all the people that hand out flyers or information, I always have the gay guys come to me (It's kinda awesome, and I hear little giggles ).

And I wouldn't change how you act, you might attract someone that's into your doppelganger, and not who you really are..

[ToddYoung]

I absolutely get where you're coming from. You're not alone.

[marshlander]

It's no joke being one half of a relationship in which one person has spent half their lives searching for Mr Right and then wastes the other half trying to change him. Be who you are. Be the best you can be. Meet people, but be careful what you compromise. The web has broadened everyone's chances of meeting someone they can love and who loves them uncondifionally. I know,. I have met such a person and we have been together for more than eight years, even if we do spend too much time in different countries from each other!

Best wishes.

[dfiant]

I understand what you are saying. So many gays let their sexuality define who they are and act it up like their sexuality is their world and completely oblivious to the fact that they alienate themselves, and inadvertently, the rest of us.

I too find it difficult to meet someone, how do you know when a guys is gay when they don't act gay...and what if you like a guy and it turns out they are a homophobe? Very confusing.

I mean you can go to a gay bar/club, but those kinds are either overly camp or into a 'lifestyle' rather than life. You can use personals, but no one is honest on those things and are usually only after 1 things anyway.

So where are the honest, genuine, romantic blokey blokes? Hmmmm, I too would like the answer

[TheNamesMike]

I really appreciate the feed back guys. A lot of you guys mentioned not changing who I am and I fully agree. I find myself trying to change myself in order to impress people, trying to be someone im not, so i can catch the attention of guys and I hate it. Deep down I know that I don't want to change who I am because in the end I lose myself and thats not what a relationship is about, or at least to me its not. It"s a lot easier to say "be yourself" than it actually is. It's something i'm trying to work on, taking steps, there small steps but steps non the less.