Welcome to being honest dville. I guarantee you somewhere nearby in Georgia there is a gay man sitting their home right now feeling the same anxiety that you are. We live in a crazy world, and people put us into boxes before were even born. You were white, male, Christian, American, and Southern before you were ever born, and you know what you were gay to.
As an outspoken gay, liberal, atheist I want you to know what anyone thinks about you is their crap and not yours. There have been gay southern christian gentlemen before you were ever born and they will be there when you die. I think you should go meet some of them. Everyone deserves a community, and I promise you there is one waiting for you. Search for gay southerner groups, or gay Georgian groups, or gay christian groups, they are all out there and they would love to meet you.
I also wish I could meet these people labeling you and causing you this anxiety and tell them to **** off just as a show of support. We are all different, but we all the same thing, and that's happiness, which almost all of us define as love and success.
Sorry for the long pause. I had to work today and I've been stretched pretty thin lately. (At least.. I feel like I am.. my productivity is nowhere near what it should be.)
I think some of this has been brooding in me for about a month or 2. I've talked to my mother about this, but I've never said "I'm gay." to her, and she's done all she can to deny it, and on the rare occasions that we actually talk about it, she tries to get me to deny it.
One of my friends from my old town recently had a baby. They named it Jack. I chuckled at the name because my name starts with a JA, and so far out of the guys I've dated/been interested in only ONE has NOT had a name that starts with JA. I jokingly told her on the phone that in a weird way I sort of hoped that he would turn out gay. Why? Well because I think it would do their family some good to understand that we're HUMANS.. this is of course the same group of friends who had the conversation while on vacation.. saying that it was impossible for 2 men to love, and how anyone who claimed it was on drugs.
my mother says "why would you wish ill of their family like that?"
The conversation didn't last much longer.
Probably a few DAYS later.. my dad came up to visit to help me cut up a tree that had fallen in my yard. I don't own a chainsaw, and even though my neighbors had offered I kinda like to do things like that myself/have people close to me help rather than people I don't know all that well. I might not be the kind of guy that will climb up on a roof in a hurricane, tie a power cord around my waist and nail down a tarp, then use my truck to pull the remaining tree limbs off my roof (true story, neighbor did this a month ago..) but I'm not afraid of a hard days work when a job's gotta be done.
Anyway.. when my dad and I were driving later in that weekend to get some dinner, and handel on the law was on. It's an atlanta based radio show of.. well an asshole lawyer who's very blunt and rude and normally I hate listening to him. But.. he was on and he was going on about this whole thing you know about the gay baseball team out in CA and how they won a court case saying that straight and bi guys can't be on the team and they mentioned a gay sports league. I told my dad I didn't know there was a gay sports league.
My dad groans and responds that the judge was an activist, and that if they could ban straights then straights could ban gays. He goes on to ask the question "why can't they just keep that in the bedroom why do they have to flaunt it?" .. so I figured I wouldn't have to tell him.
But those little comments have been in the back of my head since they said them.
I understand what you say about the guy waving the flag for himself, but it's what it represents.. yes.. I suppose it is my fault for living where I do, but why should I have to leave where I live because of other people?
btw.. no, I don't have a problem with people who are barely/not dressed in environments where it's suitable, but I do not feel a parade in broad daylight where children can see it is "suitable" unless they advertise well in advance that there will be nudity and graphic depictions of sexual acts etc.
Frankly, I always thought the girls with the mardis gras beads hanging from their rearview mirrors or even in some cases in my work history, hanging from the wall of their cubicle, to b ea little on the trashy side for doing such things.
You can paint me as a puritan or a prude if you want, I suppose that's a valid point to make... but I was raised as a christian conservative, and it's deeply DEEPLY ingrained into who I am. I am not comfortable in cities around skyscrapers and concrete, I don't like excessive snow and ice or cold bundled up winters, I like the south.. the country is where I feel most at home. I live here in Atlanta by force basically..if I am to have a reasonable job I have to live here, I don't WANT to. If I had my way I'd never set foot in the city.
Ya know my friends that used to live here that were gay decided they hated the south, that they hated the culture, the people, and I can understand why they feel that way.. but.. I guess I'm more stubborn than they are, that I can't just walk away from everything I enjoy and everything I am just because someone else tells me to. So.. instead I stay here and stress myself out over it... what a mess.
yea im not gonna lie i live here in georgia for a long time and i still hate it down here manily cause of how the people acts rudely to others but its not all the people that acts like the way they do down here.
I see exactly where you are coming from. I have a tendency to stay away from the whole pride thing and don’t really take part in the “community†( it pisses my lesbian cousin off something wicked). I feel that being gay is limited to my sexuality (this is not meant as an insult to anyone this is strictly speaking as to how I feel). I like cars, football and beer. I also like shopping, gardening and decorating. Non of those things are related to my sexuality. My sexuality defines my sexual preference which happens to be homosexual. My sexuality does not define my personality or who I am. I am an individual with individual thoughts ideas and visions and how dare someone try to conform you into what they think you should be. I am not saying that the gay community does not have its purpose but I personally do not submerge myself in it. You also have to remember that there is still a lot of ignorance about the GLBT world. I say be who you are if that is lumberjack man then be lumberjack man, if it’s a pretty pretty princes then be a pretty pretty princess. Ignorance and prejudices have not gone anywhere and we all have them (to some degree). Lets remember that we are all people and that we are all flawed. I understand how you feel. FYI I have a tendency to push back (usually in a nice way), it helps. I hope this helped.
worknlife Wrote:I say be who you are if that is lumberjack man then be lumberjack man
I now have Monty Python's Lumberjack song in my head. Oh, the irony!
worknlife Wrote:I feel that being gay is limited to my sexuality (this is not meant as an insult to anyone this is strictly speaking as to how I feel).
Unfortunately, it isn't. That's where starts, but it affects other areas. Many people say that it is their business only, and others shouldn't need to know. But it really isn't going to happen unless you are totally anti-social.
I might want to keep it from my work colleagues. If I do I won't ever go to the office Christmas party (who would I take as my partner?)
I don't go out of my way to tell stranger, but naturally conversation sometimes comes around to thinks that would indicate that I'm gay. Out of pleasantness, to pass the time in a waiting room perhaps, a stranger might start a conversation and mention their wife, kids, family and ask about you. Sure, it isn't necessarily any of their business, but they are just being pleasant. I could tell them the truth, be rude and not talk to them, or ask why they are shoving their heterosexuality down my throat.
colinmackay Wrote:Unfortunately, it isn't. That's where starts, but it affects other areas. Many people say that it is their business only, and others shouldn't need to know. But it really isn't going to happen unless you are totally anti-social.
I might want to keep it from my work colleagues. If I do I won't ever go to the office Christmas party (who would I take as my partner?)
I don't go out of my way to tell stranger, but naturally conversation sometimes comes around to thinks that would indicate that I'm gay. Out of pleasantness, to pass the time in a waiting room perhaps, a stranger might start a conversation and mention their wife, kids, family and ask about you. Sure, it isn't necessarily any of their business, but they are just being pleasant. I could tell them the truth, be rude and not talk to them, or ask why they are shoving their heterosexuality down my throat.
* Chavtastic - The type that ends up on Jerry Springer style shows.
agreed, how often in conversation does "oh my wife.." come up when talking to straight people? They don't even think about it, and they think that we shouldn't say "oh my boyfriend" or "my husband" or something because it's inappropriate.
If a topic comes up where I have a story about a guy I went out with, it's "this guy I know" or "I have a friend who.." other people I've seen refer to live-ins as "my roommate."
Of course I don’t mean to hide who you are by my statement. I also say my friend, or a friend when I am referring to my boyfriend of a guy I am talking to. When I say gay refers to my sexuality I feel that is my sexuality. Being gay does not make me good at decorating or baking. Being gay means that I am sexually attracted to men………….. I also feel that the American society is too conservative and closed minded (as a whole). I used to have an executive management position in a construction firm and it kind of hurt that I could not talk about my (at the time) boyfriend. I feel that too many people attach stereotypes to the GLBT community. And congratulations to you and your future husband (forget what state laws say).
Well, I don't guess this has been all that good for me really..
Ya know I wish I'd never even had the idea that I COULD be gay.. I was much happier before. I didn't feel like an outcast among my friends and family or the culture of my region of the country. I didn't have trouble trying to make new friends..
I've pretty much resolved myself to give up on the idea of trying to date or anything like that.. and just working on my cars.
I've never been all that "sexual" anyway.. who knows maybe I'm not gay maybe i'm just asexual or something..
Dville, I think it's normal, given your upbringing and context to wish you'd never even entertained the notion that you were gay. If you think you can live your life chastely without having sex... at least with someone else, then it's your choice and you can probably carry it off. Some people are not very interested in sex. However, sex is a natural process of the body and its needs must be met, even if it is through masturbation.
If the love of a woman who doesn't require sex, or the love of a man, who doesn't require it either comes your way, will you grab the opportunity?
I'm thinking here, that whatever your sex drive, you are still hankering for fellowship and companionship and that can be achieved by various means, not necessarily sexual ones. Some people find solace in a pet cat, or dog, or any other pet. Some people find solace in helping out old people, or groups of people. It's your choice. Whatever makes you happy can't really be wrong (unless it means killing people or hurting them, but that's another scenario).
The question is, are you happy? It doesn't sound as if you've found the answer to that question yet in your personal equation.
Be blessed.
Dville118 Wrote:You can paint me as a puritan or a prude if you want, I suppose that's a valid point to make... but I was raised as a christian conservative, and it's deeply DEEPLY ingrained into who I am.
Dville, there are places of worship in your area. This is from the link I posted above. Religious Organizations in Atlanta, Georgia area You just have to go and YOU have to try to find like minded people. Pick one a weekend and check them out.
Quote:BAPTIST
Oakhurst Baptist Church. 222 East Lake Drive, Decatur, GA 30030. 404-378-3677. http://www.oakhurstbaptist.org.
BUDDHIST
Deprung Loseling Institute.1781 Dresden Drive, Atlanta, GA 30319, 404-982-0051, http://www.drepung.org.
Kadampa Meditation Center. Classes offered throughout the Atlanta area. 404-255-1585, http://www.meditationforeveryone.org.
CATHOLIC
Catholic Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. 48 Martin Luther King Jr. Dr. SW, Atlanta, GA 30304. 404-521-1866, http://www.catholicshrineatlanta.org.
Holy Family Old Catholic Church. 4276 Chamblee-Dunwoody Road, Atlanta, GA 30342. http://www.Atl-AmericanChurch.org.
St. Michael the Defender Catholic Church. 866 Woodland Ave. SE, Atlanta, GA 30316. 404-627-7212.
EPISCOPAL
All Saint's Episcopal Church. 634 W. Peachtree St. NW, Atlanta, GA 30308, 404-881-0835, http://www.allsaintsatlanta.org.
The Cathedral of St. Philip. 2744 Peachtree Road NW, Atlanta, GA 30305, 404-365-1000, http://www.stphilipscathedral.org.
The Church of the Epiphany. 2089 Ponce de Leon Ave., NE, Atlanta, GA 30307, 404-373-8338 , http://www.epiphany.org.
Integrity/Atlanta. Meets at at All Saints Episcopal Church, Atlanta. 770-642-3183, [email protected].
St. Bartholomew's Episcopal Church. 1790 LaVista Road NE, Atlanta, GA 30329, 404-634-3336, http://www.stbartsatlanta.org.
St. John's Episcopal Church. 3480 E. Main St., College Park, GA 30337, 404-761-8402, http://www.stjohnscollegepark.com.
St. Luke's Episcopal Church. 435 Peachtree St. NE, Atlanta, GA 30308-3228, 404-873-7600, http://www.stlukesatlanta.org.
St. Patrick's Episcopal Church. 4755 North Peachtree Road, Atlanta, GA 30338. 770-455-6523, http://www.stpat.net.
JEWISH
Congregation Bet Haverim. Meet at Central Congregational United Church of Christ, 2676 Clairmont Road NE, Atlanta, GA 30329, 404-315-6446, http://www.congregationbethaverim.org.
Nediv Lev. The Free Synagogue of Atlanta, 3791 Mill Creek Court, Atlanta, 30341, GA, 770-335-2311, email: [email protected], ttp://my.att.net/p/s/community.dll?ep=16&groupid=381217&ck=.
LUTHERAN
St. John's Lutheran Church. 1410 Ponce de Leon Ave. NE, Atlanta, GA 30307, 404-378-4243, http://www.stjohnsatlanta.org.
St. Luke Lutheran Church. 3264 Northside Parkway NW, 3264 Northside Parkway, NW, Atlanta, GA 30327. 404-237-4413, http://www.stlukeatlanta.org.
St. Luke's Lutheran Church. 2716 Mechanics Ave.,Thunderbolt, GA 31404, 912-354-6815, http://www.the-friendly-church.org.
METHODIST
Avondale Pattillo United Methodist Church. 3260 Covington Highway, Decatur, GA 30320, 404-294-4063, http://www.apmethodist.org
Druid Hills United Methodist Church. 1200 Ponce de Leon Ave. NE, Atlanta, GA 30306, 404-377-6481, http://www.druidhillsumc.org
Inman Park United Methodist Church. 1015 Edgewood Ave. NE, Atlanta, GA 30307,404-522-9322, http://www.inmanparkumc.org
Saint Mark United Methodist Church. 781 Peachtree St. NE, Atlanta, GA 30308, 404-873-2636, http://www.stmarkumc.org
Trinity United Methodist Church. 265 Washington St. SW, Atlanta, GA 30303, 404-659-6236, http://www.gbgm-umc.org/trinityGA01/
PRESBYTERIAN
Clifton Presbyterian Church. 369 Connecticut Av. NE, Atlanta, GA, 30307, 404-373-3253, http://www.nighthospitality.net.
Druid Hills Presbyterian Church. 1026 Ponce de Leon Ave., Atlanta, GA 30306, 404-875-7591, http://www.dhpc.org.
Nacoochee Presbyterian Church. 260 Highway 255 N, Sautee Nacoochee, GA 30571, 706-878-2226, http://www.nacoocheepresbysterian.org.
Ormewood Park Presbyterian Church, 1071 Delaware Ave. SE, Atlanta, GA 30316, 404-627-2216, http://www.ormewoodparkpres.org.
RELIGIOUS SCIENCE
Douglasville Church of Religious Science. 404-290-5041, [email protected].
First Church of Religious Science. 3025 Maple Drive NE, Atlanta, GA 30305, 404-233-2061, http://fcorsatl.faithweb.com.
Trinity Church of Religious Science. Meets in Frazer Center, 1815 S. Ponce de Leon Ave., Atlanta, GA 30031, 404-296-6064, http://www.trinitycrs.org.
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST
Emerson Unitarian Universalist Congregation. 2799 Holly Springs Road, Marietta, GA 30062. 770-578-1533, http://www.emersonuu.org
First Existentialist Congregation of Atlanta. 470 Candler Park Drive NE, Atlanta, GA 30307,. 404-378-5570, http://www.FirstExistentialist.org.
Georgia Mountains Unitarian-Universalist. 439 South Park St, Dahlonega, GA, 30533, 706-864-0661, http://www.gmuuc.org.
High St. Unitarian Universalist Church. 1085 High St., Macon, GA 31201, 478-741-1714, http://www.highstreetchurch.org.
Mountain Light Unitarian Universalist Church. 3423 Turniptown Road, Ellijay, GA 30536, 706-636-4935, http://www.mluuc.org.
Northwest Unitarian Universalist Congregation. 11025 Mt. Vernon Highway, NW, Sandy Springs, GA 30327, 770-955-1408 , http://www.nwuuc.org.
Unitarian Universalist Church of Savannah. 311 E. Harris St., Savannah, GA, 31401, 912-234-0980, http://www.jinglebellschurch.org.
Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta. 1911 Cliff Valley Way (off I-85 N Access Road). 404-634-5134, http://www.uuca.org.
Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Gwinnett County. 12 Bethesda Church Road, Lawrenceville, GA 30044, 770-717-7913, http://www.uucg.org.
Unitarian Universalist Congregation Metro Atlanta North. 11420 Crabapple Road, Roswell, GA 30075, 770-992-3949, http://www.uuman.org.
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Athens. 780 Timothy Road, Athens, GA 30606, 706-546-7914, http://www.uuathensga.org.
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Columbus. 1442 Double Churches Road, Columbus, GA 31904, 706-660-1442, http://www.uucolumbusga.org.
UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST
Central Congregational United Church of Christ. 2676 Clairmont Road NE Atlanta, GA 30329, 404-633-4505, http://www.central-ucc.org.
Church of the Savior. 1950 Old Alabama Road, Roswell, GA 30076, 678-447-3220, http://www.cofsavior.org, http://www.stillspeaking.com.
God, Self & Neighbor Ministries. 732 Virginia Cir. NE, Atlanta , GA 30306, 404-881-0880.
CHRISTIAN OTHER
All Saints Christ's Church United. 2352 Bolton Road NW, Atlanta, GA 30318, 404-605-7140, http://www.allsaintsccu.org.
Atlanta Quaker Friends Meeting. 701 East Howard Ave., Decatur, GA 30030, 404-377-2474, http://atlanta.quaker.org.
Decatur United Church of Christ, UUC. 109 Hibernia Ave., Decatur, GA 30030, 404-373-2933, http://www.christcovenantmcc.org
Circle of Grace Community Church. 1530 Dekalb Ave.,Suite A, Atlanta, GA 30307, http://www.circleofgraceatlanta.org.
First Christian Church of Decatur. 601 W. Ponce de Leon Ave., Decatur, Georgia 30030, 404-378 3621, http://www.decaturdisciples.org.
Forgiving Heart Christian Community Church. 415 St. Johns Way, Columbus, GA 31901, 706-681-5246, http://www.forgivingheartchurch.org.
Gentle Spirit Christian Church. Worship Sundays 10:30 a.m. at Candler Park First Pavilion followed by potluck picnic and Sunday at 6:47 p.m. at First Christian Church of Decatur. Mailing address: 601 West Ponce de Leon Avenue Decatur, Georgia 30030, email: [email protected], 404-604-8124. http://www.gentlespirit.org.
God's Chosen Ones Ministry, 3480 Greenbriar Pkwy., Suite 206 D, E, F, Atlanta, GA 30331, 678-805-7571, http://www.godschosenonesministry.com.
New Covenant Church of Atlanta. 2700 Northeast Expressway / Access Road NE, Atlanta, GA 30345, 404-929-1400. http://www.NewCovenantAtlanta.com.
New Life in Messiah Fellowship. 6125 Macon Road, Columbus, GA 31907, 706-905-3775, http://www.newlifeinmessiahfellowship.com.
Virginia-Highland Church. 743 Virginia Avenue NE, Atlanta, GA 30306, 404-348-4830, http://www.vhchurch.net.
The Gathering Place Atlanta, 1874 Piedmont Rd. Suite 416D. Atlanta, GA 30324. 404-815-0007, http://www.TGPAinfo.com.
The Vision Church of Atlanta. 1240 Euclid Ave. NE, Atlanta, GA 30307, 404 589-0152, http://www.thevisionchurch.org.
Dville118 Wrote:Well, I don't guess this has been all that good for me really..
Really? When people care enough to dialog with you, I think it's been very good for you. People are challenging you to open your mind, push yourself, and fight for a fulfilling life.
Dville118 Wrote:Ya know I wish I'd never even had the idea that I COULD be gay.. I was much happier before. I didn't feel like an outcast among my friends and family or the culture of my region of the country. I didn't have trouble trying to make new friends..
I've pretty much resolved myself to give up on the idea of trying to date or anything like that.. and just working on my cars.
I've never been all that "sexual" anyway.. who knows maybe I'm not gay maybe i'm just asexual or something..
I agree with PA. It's your choice.
But, I will say, you have to live for yourself, not your parents, and not the people around you. YOU. Your parents won't change their attitude until you demand that they do. You are still going to be the same devoted, and loving son that they love. Maybe you will have a few rocky months, even a year or even more, but I find it hard to believe you've never had a disagreement with your parents before? Never had an argument with them? I started verbally challenging my mom on religion when I was 15. We had an "explosion," to put it mildly, when I was 17. Of course it was uncomfortable at the time but, she came around and we both grew up about some things. We tease each other about it quite often now. :biggrin: I wouldn't have the relationship I have with her now, if we had not gone through that.
ETA: Honestly, I almost let being what everyone else wanted me to be take my life. I still struggle with perfectionism and trying to be what everyone else expects, it never really goes away, but I've identified it as one of my many issues and I've worked hard to keep the focus on craving out the life I want.
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