@PA he lives in Lebanon, New Hampshire, not the one in the Middle East.
I would recommend against coming out to parents when you are dependent on them financially and think they will not react well. Parents can make things very difficult for you when you have no where else to go.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Young man, I understand that you are in a difficult situation right now trying to sort out your feelings, sexual orientation and emotions. The fact that your best friend is not gay should not deter you from sharing these feelings with him (I mean being gay, maybe not telling him you are in love with him). If he is confident in his own sexuality, which he may well be, it will probably not be a problem. It is for you to find out how strong your friendship is. How long have you known each other?
You might broach the subject with him by talking about his crushes on girls, or his girlfriend if he has one... Something along the lines of: " X, you know how you always tell me about Y (Y being the prospective girlfriend, actual girlfriend or crush)? Well, I don't feel like that towards girls, any girl."
Let him take it in. Let him ask the questions, and tell him whatever he wants to know, provided it's not too private. If he clams up about the subject of sex, then he may be a little uncomfortable with the subject. In that case agree with him that you can drop the subject and get back to it later because you'd like to discuss it further with him, as a friend. But you might ask if he's unfamiliar or uncomfortable with the subject of sexuality and sexual orientation. He might not know what to say. You may even tell him that it's something that you don't think you can discuss very well in your family for reasons that he probably knows of. Do your family know your best friend?
What's more, have you ever supported or helped your best friend in a way that, for some reason, he owes you one? You could cash in on that one if such is the case. Just remind him of the circumstances in which you saved a situation for him before.
How to tackle the family. I would go with the notion of love... I'm sure it's ok to ask your parents about what love means to them. You might ask if it's ok to love anybody? Could they maybe delimit the conditions for loving different members of family and society? If you can find examples in tv programmes or things you read or watched in the news to start the conversation, it might be easier to pin your point. You might ask how ok it is for an older man to love a younger woman, for instance... Bring up several different scenarios. Add one in there that ressembles your situation.
For me the essence of the Christian teaching is not about homophobia or people phobia, or even sin and sinning; for me the essence of the Christian teaching is LOVE, so I think you could easily have that conversation with your parents. It's a notion that they should be able to define and talk about... You might also ask your mother, for instance, how she fell in love with your father? How did she know it was love?
With a bit of luck she'll be questioning why you are interested in knowing. If you feel comfortable, you can disclose your story or parts of it to her...
Last thing to consider: parents are often less foolish than they seem or that you credit them for being. They know things.
* They might know them and be waiting for you to disclose (they are modest about sexuality and feelings);
* they might sense you are gay but not approve, so avoid talking about it because that way it stays where it ought to be, in the closet;
* and then there are those who genuinely don't know but respect your time to grow up and start having feelings for another person.
If, in the past, you have given them the slightest reason to wonder about your sexual orientaion, then they'll probably be onto it.
Have you had that talk about the birds and the bees yet?
Another plan could be to tell your mum, and / or dad, that you've got to do a presentation for school about sexuality and sexual orientation and could they help to guide you. You'd soon find out what they are ready to disclose to you, or what they are holding back. Now's the time to ask the questions. If they say there are all kinds of love, then they are open-minded. If the scenario only seems to be boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, and that's it. you'll have to be imaginative. I'd suggest about the sexuality presentation for school, that you already have an outline of topics you want to share (supposedly) with your classmates. That way you can have things like abortion, the pill, condoms, other forms of sexuality on your list of points to develop. They may be surprised to see how grown up you are.
Good luck with the search.
•
Besides the fact that you live in the same town, are the same age and have an extremely simmilar scenario to mine, which completely freaks me out. Is it possible that we might be able to talk to each other? as seeing we are practically in, at least very simmilar, same situation?
PS, do you really live in Lebanon the country or Lebanon H.N. like me? cause if it's just Lebanon that makes me feel a little less freaked out. Then again if it's lebanon n.h then we may actually be able to meet each other off the internet.
please tell me if there is any way to contact you
•
I can send a pm you if want dreadkyller that has my email, that may be a better way to talk
also, I live in lebanon N.h
•
also thankz 4 all the help people
•
pm will work just fine, I wouldn't disclose your account.
•
crud I can't pm, only 3 posts
•
Coming out is something so very personal, and I guess in essence precious, to each person.
My advice to anyone, regardless of age, gender, race, religion...is and alway will be...you will know when the time is right in your heart. If you are questioning peoples reactions, then perhaps you aren't ready.
I knew that I was gay from my early teens but I never came out until I was 30 years old. I just did not feel the need to disclose my sexuality. During that time I did maintain a 13 year relationship, so perhaps a lot of people suspected and I was never unhappy. The only reason I came out was my mother eventually sat me down and asked me if there is anything that I needed to talk about. After disclosing my sexuality, her response was 'I always knew, even when you were a teenager', and even named the boy that I was in a relationship with since I was 15, and a boy that I experimented with when I was 12-13 years old.
Don't feel pressured into coming out, it all happens when the time is right and when you are ready, so that could be tomorrow, or it could be in 10 years, and when it does aweight may lift from your shoulders, but ultimately it is more a growth experience than an earth shattering 'change' experience....I mean think about it, coming out doesn't change the perso you are, it doesn't change the person that your friends and family have always known....all it changes is that people know your sexuality.
•
i understand youre situation(i'm bisexual amd also a christian)and would have to agree with grover c, you should probaly just wait until your independent of your parents to come out.
•
Take your time dont rush it. You'll know when the time is right to tell your family. Start by telling your good friend. If he truly is a good friend, he will accept you for who you are.
•
|
