Yep just about each time after a break up, the only exception was Vincent.
Vincent broke my cardinal rule -
Thou shalt not Hit. I even let him do it twice. Shame on me.:frown:
Unless your significant other is is abusive or 'sick' (Such as Pete, who did massive amounts of crank, but then I was doing crank too at the time it was a working relationship :tongue
, most cases of 'we are falling apart' is largely due to the power struggle that ensues after the mad hot rush of passionate 'love'.
There are stages to love:
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationsh...ious-love/ and even levels to love. (do Google for more)
We humans do not actually train ourselves to identify and see where we are in our relationship, and fewer still even have an idea that love is supposed to change over time and that it goes through stages.
I very nearly gave up on my current partner, because I had bought into that whole 'love comes naturally if you are with the right person' mythology. It never comes naturally, well except for heavy co-dependent relationships were one is willing to do anything to appease the other and the other doesn't care that the giver has given up everything.
We went to couple's counseling and learned a good deal about the dynamics of
our relationship and learned how to communicate and how to identify those 'problem' areas where we got stuck.
I learned to accept the fact that he will never, ever, ever, ever learn to replace objects and tools back where he found them. It is my problem if I have to have everything in its place - that is not HIS problem.
I learned that no matter how much I plead, bargain, force the issue, he ain't gonna replace the toilet paper and leave the empty roll hanging. If I want a new roll up there, then I need to get my lazy butt up off the seat and hang it myself. That is MY problem, not his.
Learning to see things from the aspect of '
my problem' over seeing everything as '
his problem' is one of the hardest things we humans can do.
Relationships can be a lot of hard, grimy work. Its like two super powers in diplomacy. They try to find a common ground, making concessions and drawing hard lines. While neither gets all that they want, neither walks away from the table empty handed either. failing to make resolutions and make reasonable compromise will, as with super powers, result in War. Once that War starts it become and all or nothing deal where usually no body really wins.
The more time you spend with a person, the easier it gets. Prior 'trade agreements' have pretty much set in stone certain aspects of the relationship. EXAMPLE I will always restock the TP, and hang the rolls - this is my destiny in life. I accept it. No sense it bringing that dead horse up to beat and whip every time we have an argument.
Each relationship is unique, each has its own dynamic. Most of us fail to understand that there is a 'dominate' and 'submissive' to
each aspect of a relationship. We humans have deluded ourselves that equality means that we are really equal in all things. Human interactions and how we cooperate means that one takes the lead and the other follows. And it is rarely an all or none situation where just one person is always dominate and the other is always submissive. Learning our own strengths and weaknesses as individuals can be 'rough'. If we were highly independent as a single person, accepting the leadership of the other in those places we are weaker can be one of the hardest things 'self truth' hands us.
The whole idea that there is a 'better' person out there is usually a false precept. All of us have our faults and foibles, all of us have our graces and charms. Most of us set unattainable perfection for our 'ideal mate' thus are constantly trying to find nothing but charm and grace, without being willing and in many instances unable to accept the flaws, the foibles, the bits of tarnish and rust on that shining armor.
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