A friend of mine is staying with me for a week. This will be the last time I will be able to see him for at least a year. Sadly, he is moving to the other side of the country. I planned on coming out to more people later this year. I thought maybe I should start with him. I want to be able to come out in person. I've told people through text, and I regret it just a little. He has never made a comment about gays that made me die a little inside. Though he has used gay as a synonym for shitty. It is this alone that makes me uneasy about telling him. For some reason I feel that eleven years of friendship is not enough to push that to the side. Should I attempt to tell him anyway? I guess it doesn't matter because I won't see him for a while?:confused:
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I think you should do what you think is right if you think he will be alright with it and your good friends then he should not mind, but if he does mind then his not really a friend? The other thing is he will be moving so maybe you can call or text him about it if its easyer if not wanting to say it while his staying with you.
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Go for it, you two not seeing each other will give him time to digest the news and come around, if he doesn't take it well. And don't worry too much, eleven years of friendship means is something HE wouldn't want to throw away easily either...
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What a going away present! I'd wait.
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if he's really your friend he will accept you for who you are
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It really depends on your values. Before realizing my own dormant (semi?) gayness and before my friend came out to me I always I used to use "gay" as a synonym for shitty too. Its lame and disrespectful but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have anything against gay people.
Back to your friend, it depends. What do you consider to be of greater reward, potentially revealing yourself to your friend and seeing how accepting he is or being silent and "if it ain't broke don't fix it."
I'm the last person to go hurrah, reveal yourself to the world and all, seeing as how I don't even know what I am yet, but all I can say is that it really depends on what is more important to you.
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So the first friend I came out to also uses gay as a synonym for shitty or stupid. Like you I was nervous because of this, but I came out to him anyway. I sent him this long email about how I really hoped I hadn't misjudged his views about sexual orientation and how I desperately hoped we can still be friends. He writes back (jokingly), "You really thought I would think less of you for this? Don't be gay. You know me better than that."
I strongly believe that this generation has adopted 'gay' as a synonym for stupid, and seems to have started to abandon it as a slur against homosexuals. I am sure many people on this site disagree with that assessment, and there are many other threads where we could debate it. My point is, in this day and age, it's not a good idea to write someone off as homophobic just because they use the word 'gay' as a synonym for stupid or shitty. It might just be the way they have learned to express dissatisfaction with something. Good luck with coming out! I would totally go for it. I would bet that sharing something this personal with your friend right before he takes off for the other side of the country will bring you closer together and help you keep in touch.
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Might not get another chance
