Him being gay is hardly even relevant, if he doesn't want to fuck you, them's the breaks.
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I think it's important to respect an individual's sexuality. The emotional/physiological bonding-attraction instinct that you respond to as a woman to a man is natural and just there. Well, it's the same for a gay man. The attraction to another man is instinctive and natural. Trying to force one to change disrespects the person's sexuality, straight, gay or anywhere in between.
So, to answer your original question, no, I don't think there is an "ancestral need for a man to want a woman," if the man is gay. I think there is a need for sex and sometimes any available body will do. And, maybe that's all it was that night.
I think this is really about how you structure your values. You seem to be at a point in your life where romantic love is valued higher than friendship. I'm not judging but trying to say that as constructive criticism that it's just where you are right now.
But, to push a friendship for more than it can give or cutting off all contact with him kind of sounds like you are operating purely on emotions. It's playing games; it's emotional blackmail. To want to change someone so that YOU can have this idea in your head of what "could be" isn't going to be true happiness as a couple or a partnership.
Maybe step back and see what you truly value about this man? His "gayness" at his very essence may make him the man that he is and to take that away, he probably wouldn't be as special anymore. 
Maybe think about what friendships mean to you? What boundaries do you give them? How would you feel if a woman friend tried to push you for a lesbian relationship? Could you turn off your need for men so easily?
Honestly, I think it comes down to self-discipline and trust. A friendship is based on trust. You both broke trust and used each other. You both need to work on repairing that. He needs to explain why he slept with you. I think he was wrong because clearly you had a different understanding of what that night meant. I think that's only fair to you to help you move on to more appropriate men, ie. straight. And, I think he needs to know he hurt and confused you by HIS actions.
Best wishes!
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Hey James Dean, thems are indeed the breaks I guess. Such sensitivity. Wow. What a mensch all right... 
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as this is kinda like a gay guy being in love with a str8 guy, it wont happen...well maybe, but not really lol. somebody might of said that but i didnt want to read all this lol
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So, I'm not a gay man but I am a gay woman so hopefully I can still give you a little insight. First, no matter how much I want/need sex, how drunk I am, how long I've been single for -- a man is just not going to cut it. The need to be intimate with a man just does not arise. For example, I want to have a child and yesterday I went to meet a friend's week old baby. He is sooooo tiny and so precious, my maternal urges were going into overdrive. After that I went out to a bar with friends (not the baby's parents) and got quite intoxicated, there were men throwing themselves at me (apparently I send out NO gay signals???) and I never thought "Oh, wow I could go and have one night with him and have the baby I want!" -- even though I was drunk, want a child, wanted sex, and my girlfriend is at home in another city at the moment. I DID think, "Damn, she is really sexy. I think I'd like a piece of that." quite a few times, keeping in mind that it would never happen because I'm in a committed relationship. So, what I'm trying to not-so-eloquently convey is that if you're gay no amount of urge to reproduce, drunkenness, or flat out really really being in the mood :redface: is going to make you want someone of the opposite sex.
Also, I was in love with my best friend who is a straight woman. I was absolutely distraught over her for years, constantly battling with myself over whether I should tell her how I feel. Then I realized that she is an amazing friend, we have had so many amazing times together, and our friendship is just so light and free that I didn't want to jeopardize it. So I forced myself to get over her, and I have.
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Lonely Wrote:sorry to disappoint u but Anderson Cooper might be gay as well
I read that AC attended some type of social function with his bf a while back. I must admit that I was a bit surprised. I also read in Out magazine that Shepard Smith was gay. Considering that he is on Fox news I was shocked!
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I have been with women before I eventually came out and admitted to the world that I was gay. I just didn't feel like it was right for me to be engaged in sexual activity with females and that I was missing something or they were missing something that I really liked. Yet then dating men on and off after that and having long tern relationships with men I have realized that is who and what I want to be with for the rest of my life, I am single at the moment and have been for the last 7 or 8 years and just haven't met the right guy yet.
In the back of my head I think maybe I would have better luck having a relationship with a female and have kids and all that, yet I don't think I would be 100% true to that and yet would be in that situation where I would rather be with another man. I guess we are all different when it comes to what we really want.
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Hello Leslie, I think you are angry because you are proud. You have given yourself to that man, making the mistake of thinking that because you've had sex together, it would change what he is fundamentally. Maybe he gave himself to you too, out of friendship, because he and you were in a time and place where you needed that intimacy.
Maybe you should redirect that pride, and be proud to have been in touch enough with your emotions and libido to let it happen. Don't be too hard on yourself, and don't be too hard on him either.
You've both proved that, at a pinch, you two could be intimate with each other, but your friend doesn't normally tick that way, and he probably won't do it lastingly anyway. Sooner or later, he'd be craving what his gay life offers him and you'd probably be more than disappointed, sore even, that he can't commit to you.
I think you should try to salvage what is left of your previously good relationship. Swallow that pride, and admit to him and yourself that it was just an act of circumstances, not something that was destined to be fixed in stone forever. I'm sure he appreciates that you can love him so thoroughly, but maybe at the same time, it's making him uncomfortable, because (as you say) he knows you so well; he is aware that he's disappointing you, and that's not a nice feeling to have. I'm sure he doesn't want to disappoint you, but because your expectations are that you could possibly change his leopard's spots, the relationship is on rocky ground for the moment. It would be best to forgive yourself for this lapse of judgement (if that's what you'd like to consider it) or to admit that it was only done out of curiosity, or out of necessity at a given time.
Consider this as well: some people commit gay sexual acts when in prison. Why? Not necessarily because they are gay at heart, but because the institution forces men together and women together. The same sometimes applies to the army and in war situations. The need to get physically intimate with someone will sometimes be so strong that we will go beyond usual personal boundaries.
I believe that, although you were not in a carceral situation, your libidoes and emotions were both in synch that day. It might just be a result of very special circumstances, aided by the fact that you were already emotionally very attached.
There is also an old adage that says that "familiarity breeds contempt"; so think about it... Did you not both ruin it for the other by becoming just too intimate sexually? You seem to have ruined the mood for yourself (hence the anger) and maybe for him too (hence he's not responding).
Good luck in reconstructing an ideal partnership... There is such a thing as platonic love, and it can work quite well.
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Well I just don't understand where you are coming from. To my way of thinking, in every embrace, in every kiss, there is a promise. Unstated or otherwise, it's there. You cannot feel one way on Monday, then feel another on Tuesday. I have come to grips with what happened and have moved on in the sense that I do not want to pursue a romantic relationship any more because I only have one heart and it's been pretty beat up, but we are in contact still. Haha after multiple texts, calls and doorbell rings left unanswered, I had to let the boy know he wasn't 86ed from my life I was surprised in fact that he totally wigged out more from my silence than I did from his betrayal. He is a few years younger than I am so he has a lot to learn about the human heart. So do I apparently, but at least I admit that. But to suggest that it was "in a pinch"?? Hmm...think not. I don't believe in stereotypes so I don't buy into to flesh for flesh's sake when the libido gets going vis a vis his orientation, whatever that may be. He remains my best friend. I would be lost without him and all, so I let him back in. He was a mess when I told him to piss off and never contact me again. I never ever want to hear about his conquests though. I can't hear that for a while. I need some time, a lot of time for that.
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leslie Wrote:Well I just don't understand where you are coming from. To my way of thinking, in every embrace, in every kiss, there is a promise. Unstated or otherwise, it's there.
Context is king.
The living kiss my mother gave me the when she left me on my first day at school.
The hugs my granny gave me when she visited.
The kiss or hug from a gay man to his female friend....
None of these are the equivalent to the kisses or hugs between two lovers. Yet, they are still forms of loving embrace.
Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk
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