Spoiled myself.

[Denzel]

I would definately say dont lose it again.. talk to him :-)

[Marvinteck]

I self identify as a loner. Im having some difficulty adjusting to having my friend back in the picture and in my bedroom. I have been spoiled by my own hand and watching to much porn in the process of getting off. My sexual response has grown accustomed to solo activities. My friend is finding out Im a hard person to please. When he goes down on me it feels good but I havent been able to climax.

I did some research online and now I feel like I have been hit by a mack truck. This is sorta hard to admit........... long story short I have watched so much porn while masturbating that real sex with a real person is not enough sexual stimuli for me to get hard much less get off.

The other night my friend and I had some alone time because my brother was out of the house. We watched a few XTube videos but I wasnt really fealing all that frisky. I knew he was turned on so I offered to go down on him and he accepted my offer. After I was finished with him he offered to return the favor and I accepted. I was taking to long to cum so he gave up after awhile. He hopped on my computer (which is right next to my bed) while I remained on the bed to finish myself off. I went at it for awhile and my friend remarked "Cant believe you havent cum yet". He was online flipping through some more porn vids and he clicked on one that had some passionate moaning by the girl. I couldn't see the screen but my pleasure went way up. He clicked on another vid with poor quality audio thirty seconds after that and my pleasure went way down. I was eventually able to finish. A light bulb went off in my head but wasnt quite sure why at the time.

I have been celibate for the past eleven years with porn and solo activities as my only sexual outlet. For the past three years I have been using online porn pretty heavily to get off with. I have had problems with erectile dysfunction on and off in the past. I overcame that by watching more hardcore and new videos online. I am able to climax without watching porn but it takes allot longer and doesn't feel nearly as good.

The next day after that light bulb went off I Googled "Cant cum without watching porn" and found out I am not the only one with this problem. i did some more research and stumbled across a site called:

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com

The puzzle pieces fell into place and that light bulb got bright as the sun. My innocent pursuit of solo pleasure turned into a addiction to porn without me knowing it at the time. It also contributed to my erectile dysfunction problems I have been struggling with on and off. My brain has adapted so much to watching porn to get off that its nearly impossible to get off any other route.

The solution to this problem has me quite depressed and upset. Allegedly the only way to solve the problem is to abstain from any sexual stimuli for at least three months. That means no porn, no masturbation and no orgasms. That allows the brains pleasure centers to return to default so the person is able to get sexually aroused by normal stimuli vs watching hardcore porn to get off. I am feeling quite depressed, ashamed and lonely at the moment. Unfortunately all this didnt come to light till my friend and I started fooling around again recently when he moved down. I have no idea what I am going to tell him.

Y'all might think Im crazy or that Im over thinking this but it made perfect sense to me once I started piecing the puzzle pieces together. I could be way off but I have to try something to fix my problem.:frown:

[Marvinteck]

u just need someone who can do it right for u

That is part of the problem but I think the root of the problem lies deeper than that.

[OrphanPip]

Marvin, I think you're over thinking this. What you would probably benefit from is talking to your friend about maybe trying different things and seeing if there are ways to work on improving the experience between you. It is probably largely a stress thing that's making it difficult for you to come, and probably anxiety too. Have you tried pleasuring yourself until you are close to ejaculating then allowing your friend to try and get you off, I did some research and this is a standard form of sex therapy for couples to work on issues of delayed ejaculation.

[Marvinteck]

Marvin, I think you're over thinking this. What you would probably benefit from is talking to your friend about maybe trying different things and seeing if there are ways to work on improving the experience between you. It is probably largely a stress thing that's making it difficult for you to come, and probably anxiety too. Have you tried pleasuring yourself until you are close to ejaculating then allowing your friend to try and get you off, I did some research and this is a standard form of sex therapy for couples to work on issues of delayed ejaculation.

I will certainly take that into consideration as I decide what I want to do. I would hate to lose him again. He is a real good guy with a good heart. He is like a brother to me.

[trywait]

except u've fallen for him....

[Marvinteck]

UPDATE:

I still havent talked to my friend about my concerns. We havent done any fooling around in the last two weeks. He hasn't been persuing me and I havent been persuing him. Unless he pushes the issue I may just let sleeping dogs lie. Sometimes close friends are just suppose to be close friends and nothing more than that. As it stands at the moment his behavior is a bit too straight for my taste. The more that we hang out the more that my friend makes it clear that he would be much happier with a girl vs a guy in his life. From what I gather all he wants is clandestine NSA sex. That may be a good scenario for some people but I don't see it working in my case. Back when we were teens we hid what we were doing behind closed doors at night. We had to be really secretive by sneaking around and be extra quiet while we were doing our thing so his family wouldn't find out. I came out of the closet last year for a reason and I have moved past the days in my life where I feel the need to hide myself. We are two adults in our late twenties who should be able to freely express ourselves without having to hide in the closet like we are teens again afraid his family might hear us. The fact that I am unable to gain any physical satisfaction from the arrangement has a part in my decision to let sleeping dogs lie for the moment.

As for the issue of porn addiction I am still doing research and have only told one close friend online about what is going on. I tried quitting and after a week I was back viewing it again. My friends and family are oblivious about my online habits.

except u've fallen for him....

I do have some feelings for him since we are close friends however I haven't fallen for him yet. My feelings are more like feelings of close friendship than love and romance. I think would be quite foolish to allow myself completely fall for him and get my hopes up when his actions dictate he isn't interested in me like that.

[LateBloomer]

Hey Marvinteck.

I'm pretty new here, joined after you started this thread, but just got caught up.

I know you're probably not familiar with my story but I'll make it short.

I was a virgin until age 35 when I had sex with my first woman. Up until that time I only "flew solo" jacking myself off to internet porn. Although I could get aroused without porn I found that I had "trained" my dick to only climax after being stimulated with my hand.

Imagine (roughly) 25 years of solo masturbation. My dick (actually my BRAIN) had never known anything else. The first time I tried to climax in a vagina I failed and blamed it on the condom. Later we tried no condoms and that didn't help. And of course, the more difficult it was, the higher my anxiety and stress would climb and that certainly didn't help the matter.

I came to the same conclusion as you, essentially, that I needed to back off on the masturbation and "teach" my brain and dick to climax in different ways.

I don't think it's NECESSARY to abstain entirely from all forms of sex, but yes, I agree you need to drop the porn and masturbation. Explain all of this to your partner and it won't take long to recondition yourself.

I also agree that GIVING pleasure is wonderful. I'm also a very generous lover and take a LOT of satisfaction from that aspect. But sex for me is BEST when we can experience MUTUAL satisfaction. If that's what you want then I think you can have it with some patience.

I'm sure you'll have success at age 28 as I was a little older than you when I needed to make some changes. Learning to relax and let go and to STOP SPECTATING and judging ourselves is such a big part of enjoying a truly equal sharing of intimacy.

Best of luck.