First time comming out Check... Failure?

[Aester]

He didn't kick you out, he offered you a beer and asked if you wanted to watch T.V.

I asked him with beer and TV though :tongue:

[princealbertofb]

To add to Inchante's idea, maybe he expected that you would come out with something like "and I'm in love with you", which you didn't, but maybe he felt uncomfortable about that because he wouldn't have known how to react to that, probably... You did say that you were like brothers which, normally, would set aside that possibility. There is another possibility that he is also gay and has not been able to formulate it yet ... (but that's only a frail possibility).
I just watched this short Brazilian film in which the young man announces to his best friend (a girl) who's got feelings for him that he's in love with his mate (another boy). Her reaction is to say that she doesn't know what to say. That's maybe all there is to it. The news made your friend speechless.

[Inchante]

I asked him with beer and TV though :tongue:

It matters little. It is still probably shock and it may take him a while to get used to it.

As Princealbertofb stated, he may think that you are in love with him too. You may have to reassure him that, though you are gay, that does not mean that you are in love with him. A man coming out to another man can often be one of the more difficult scenarios. If the man is not necessarily comfortable with his own sexuality, he can take it the wrong way . . . as a threat to his own sexuality and masculinity. He will experience what the Philosopher Judith Butler calls a Vertigo, a feeling of "falling" from his privileged position as a heterosexual.

When I came out . . . come out (as you never really stop doing it) I try and tell a female friend first. You don't have to worry about them thinking you are in love with them and it wont challenge her feelings of femininity or her sexuality.

The first person I came out to was an exchange student I had befriended in High School from Munich. She was a very lovely girl, and though she was a bit disappointed (as she had a crush on me at the time) she was very supportive. Since I've gotten comfortable with my sexuality, I've learned that adopting a blasé attitude when coming out actually helps other people be comfortable with it. The added benefit or hindrance (depending on how secretive you want to be about it) of the blasé attitude is that, the people you tell wont think it a secret and will help you disseminate that information. So, if you are at a new job, you can tell one or two people, and then within the matter of a few days you wont have to come out to any of your colleagues.

[Aester]

Wise words. Although i find it hard to imagine him gay. He even started dating a gal from my class he got to knew through me. Best would be if i got it cleared once more

[Aester]

I do not like using a phone, i think it can be pretty impersonal though, so i went to him for a quick visit. He greeted me nicely and we spoke a bit but never to that subject. He seemed very tense and stiff and completely ignored the fact that i came out the closet to him. He seem hard to accept the fact but he is neither mad at me, i guess some facts are just heavy to take in, and as we been friends a long time he might not want to look at me in another way.

[Inchante]

Wise words. Although i find it hard to imagine him gay. He even started dating a gal from my class he got to knew through me. Best would be if i got it cleared once more

He doesn't have to be gay or even bisexual for the sudden revelation that one of his best friends is gay to effect his understanding of his own masculinity and sexuality. For some people, the simple thought of homosexuality is enough to cause such an experience. It is an irrational reaction, from people who most often can be described as emotionally immature.

I'm glad that he is still friendly toward you. That certainly makes a difference. I think, as others have stated, it may just take him some time to adjust. It may very well be that some hint of an underlying tension will always exist between the two of you. It doesn't have to be a negative thing, however. Again, just give it some time and see what happens.

[matty7]

hi mate - you've done the hard bit telling your friend,,, i think it whent ok from what ive read ,,,just give him a bit of time to take it in,,, as silly as this sounds - he may also be thinking of how u been gay effects him too, at your age u all have many friends and he may be worried about what people think - him been a little shocked and not nowing what words to use is very normal ... let the dust settle then ask him if he wants to do something like you've always done together , u dont have to mention your coming out to him if you feel hes a l;ittle nervous about it, just get back to been best mates again doin the same stuff as always - he will come around im very sure

[zeon]

Hi Aester,
Hope things have settled down a little.... Maybe now the time would be to tell him to meet in town for a coffee and chat and explain to him during the chat that you are still you and there has been no change in friendship for you.... Explain to him all you want is for acceptance and to be able to be free with yourself as you and not unhappy trapped in a lifestyle that isnt suitable for you.... If he puts off your invite tell him to pick a date end of and he cannot just opt out...

Kindest regards

zeon x

[ManicReptile21]

i find this very useful imformation, thank you very much for sharing aester. i have alwas been curious about how the days will go after you have told someone. so please keep us informed on the struggle in your friendship. i might give us a hint onto what to expect and how things will be.