Crying Over Him... I Don't Know Whether To Let Go Or Not

[Anonymous]

First off this guy lets call him John I guess I met online ok. And well I honestly pinned all of my romantic hopes on him and I've recently come to realize that but anyways, we both realized we were attracted to each other when we saw each other's pictures. Over the period of the few months we've been talking, I've gotten paranoid over whether he was telling the truth and well just him traveling the country seemed odd to me as Ive never known anyone like that, and one particular event made me doubt him even more; being broke in New York City. What furthered my paranoia was my friends who said it sounded fishy and I agreed but still something inside me told me he was telling the truth. Well now hes on vacation in Europe and Ive recently sent him a few emails saying how Ive been too paranoid and how he shouldn't have to put up with it and that I was letting him go. After this he sent me a response saying he understood where I was coming from and excuse him if he took a while to respond as he would have to get over me. At this point I honeslty thought he was over me in a sense since little ol me is paranoid and all that. After I read his response I couldn't stop crying... Its not like a despair type of sad... I was smiling but I just can't stop crying even now as I write this... It doesn't hurt but I just don't know why... He seems cool with whatever I did whether I was clingy or whatever... and I just don't know anymore

Has anyone ever felt this way? Crying but not grieving? And what do you guys advise?

[Waylon777]

Hmm. Depends. Online chatting is just waaaay too hard to know if the other guy is actually telling the truth or not. But, i do have a friend who is like that. Right after high school he somehow got into Disney Studio and started working there as a stage manager, and he travels to everywhere with famous people. It's really fishy, but I kind of do believe him, but I don;t know. He always asks me out to go for a trip at the most of awkward time, such as during midterms and finals. He really sounds fishy, but there is a part that's telling me that my friend is telling the truth. So you probably should just meet this guy. If this guy actually has the money and resources to travel like that, he should be able to come to your place. But, it really sounds fishy. Also, you are not paranoid. You are just confused if the guys telling the truth or not.

[SleepTalker]

Yeah theres nothing wrong with doubting what he says. I mean u cant exactly believe everything u read online. Its ok to doubt somethings but try not to get to the point where you are too paranoid.

[azulai]

Nature provides instinct for a reason. Friends are important because they care about your safety, and they know you whereas I do not, so definitely discuss your reactions with them. It does sound like you have a good support system and you are using it.

When you ask why would you feel/react this way:
In my opinion, the guy's words confirm/validate your feelings and hopes. I think, it was a relief because you still want to trust him. There is nothing wrong with crying.

But, his words as you have written do sound kind of like a line to me. Some people are master manipulators. By saying that to you, he makes you want to trust him more. Then on the other hand, it also makes me wonder if he's now quickly moved on to the next best thing. If he has feelings, why give you up so easily? My input here is pretty useless, so my apologies.

There's not enough info in your post to give any real input on him. Is the traveling related to a job? If he's employed, how did he become broke in NYC? What were the circumstances that now he's in Europe? He goes from broke to vacationing in Europe? Yeah, bells would be going off in my head, too. Has he ever asked to borrow money from you? Does it seem like he continually mooches off of his friends? What's the age of each of you?

So, don't beat yourself up because you are cautious. From what you have written, I think you have done everything right. The internet is full of crazies with all kinds of weird motives.

Take all the time you need when getting to know someone and never apologize for protecting yourself. If feelings of love and care develop, that means the other person will give you the time, support and FACTS that you need. They are going to care about you and your safety. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Nature provides instinct for a reason. Friends are important because they care about your safety, and they know you whereas I do not, so definitely discuss your reactions with them. It does sound like you have a good support system and you are using it.

When you ask why would you feel/react this way:
In my opinion, the guy's words confirm/validate your feelings and hopes. I think, it was a relief because you still want to trust him. There is nothing wrong with crying.

But, his words as you have written do sound kind of like a line to me. Some people are master manipulators. By saying that to you, he makes you want to trust him more. Then on the other hand, it also makes me wonder if he's now quickly moved on to the next best thing. If he has feelings, why give you up so easily? My input here is pretty useless, so my apologies.

There's not enough info in your post to give any real input on him. Is the traveling related to a job? If he's employed, how did he become broke in NYC? What were the circumstances that now he's in Europe? He goes from broke to vacationing in Europe? Yeah, bells would be going off in my head, too. Has he ever asked to borrow money from you? Does it seem like he continually mooches off of his friends? What's the age of each of you?

So, don't beat yourself up because you are cautious. From what you have written, I think you have done everything right. The internet is full of crazies with all kinds of weird motives.

Take all the time you need when getting to know someone and never apologize for protecting yourself. If feelings of love and care develop, that means the other person will give you the time, support and FACTS that you need. They are going to care about you and your safety. Best wishes.

His reason for being homeless in New York was that his bank lost the 2,000 in his bank and it was Labor Day weekend so he had to wait till Tuesday to get his money back. He says he on vacation in Europe. He's never asked me for money, hes always been so patient and sweet to me...
We've exchanged pictures and all that so I do know what he looks like definitely.

[posterpicture]

His reason for being homeless in New York was that his bank lost the 2,000 in his bank and it was Labor Day weekend so he had to wait till Tuesday to get his money back. He says he on vacation in Europe. He's never asked me for money, hes always been so patient and sweet to me...
We've exchanged pictures and all that so I do know what he looks like definitely.

Pictures can be fake, words can be all lie.
Advice: ditch the guys, delete everything about him. Go straight to the mall, get yourself something nice to wear. Pick a real guy in a real place who can hold you in his arms.

[jbrowder24]

Just because someone seems real, doesn't mean they are. One guy that really sweettalked me a couple years ago... well the sweettalk in itself seemed suspicious. But he was only two hours away from me (and his cell phone # was indeed from this area). Though his pics were 'hot' which to me is also suspicious at times, they were also consistent - i.e. something he said he did, tied into a photo that was sent of him at an event (as opposed to a glamour shot). One time on the phone he mentioned his fave show was 'Ghost Hunters'. Another Wed. or two later, he mentions his show is on tonight. He was consistent and real. And for all I know his photos were real, but when it came time to meet, all of a sudden I was blocked. I didn't know what I did. By circumstance, someone that saw we had been friends on a dating site wrote me and asked if I knew the guy - same thing had happened to him. Found at least one more person; may have been more. This guy had led on at least three guys, maybe more, at the same time, then blocked them. Why? I don't know. Scammers are usually obvious to me, but he didn't ask for money.... he just was playing some sort of game apparently.

I may be tainted by my own experiences, but I can't help but be suspicious of what you describe. So, most people that travel somewhere like Europe probably have a credit card to book a hotel etc right? But yet he had to be homeless for a holiday weekend as the bank denied money, with no access to any cards?

There's nothing wrong with crying. I definitely did. At first not knowing what I did wrong. Then when I knew the truth, because it was all fake and I was alone and had allowed myself to get my hopes up. All you can do is give yourself a bit of time to heal, then get back out there and try again, wiser and more certain of what it is you seek.

[edkrfv]

You know, if you want to cry, cry.
Don't hold it in. Let it out.
That is what I do.
And after you cried, make a list with "+" and "-" and write down the good parts and the bad parts from your story.
Then ask yourself: Who worths your tears?
Be glad it is over now, and you did not spent months and months in order this to happen.
See the good part!
*hugs*

[zeon]

Hello,
The best thing to do is not get down because you didnt ever meet him... I know feelings can get better as you get more to know someone and you just have to distance things if you never met them until ya do... If his coming up with some bull about things and never prooving it then ignore him... I would recommend getting out and finding things for yourself because i beleive that everything said is pinched with salt until prooven different so dont listen to him