i cant do this

[chicagostyle]

plain and simple, im deeply depressed and im generally the person that is a leaning shoulder for other people to talk. When i get depressed i dont talk, or eat,i just sleep and i isolate myself from everybody. Im depressed cause from iwhen i was 6 till 17 my dad was mentally and verbally abusive to me and by mom and 4 siblings. You have no idea all the shit ive been through with that, and on top of that im gay so that just adds to my depression. I truly wish i was dead, ive wished i was dead for a long time and i have no self esteem due to my father. I would just like advice to how to help me get out of this funk

[LateBloomer]

plain and simple, im deeply depressed and im generally the person that is a leaning shoulder for other people to talk. When i get depressed i dont talk, or eat,i just sleep and i isolate myself from everybody. Im depressed cause from iwhen i was 6 till 17 my dad was mentally and verbally abusive to me and by mom and 4 siblings. You have no idea all the shit ive been through with that, and on top of that im gay so that just adds to my depression. I truly wish i was dead, ive wished i was dead for a long time and i have no self esteem due to my father. I would just like advice to how to help me get out of this funk

Forgiveness.

You have to forgive him.

And you have to forgive yourself for whatever failings you think you have.

THEN, you have to get up and start living your life one day at a time. And right now every day feels like a curse, but if God forbid you actually suffered a near-death experience, it's like a being hit with big piece of lumber right upside the head, and finally you realize every day is a GIFT.

Every day you choose to live in the past is a wasted gift.

Your choice.
Chose life.

[Drew]

Depression sucks, as I had it pretty bad in college. I still get into funks once in a while. My heart goes out to you and everyone else that has suffered abuse, especially from someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally like a parent.

First, I would say don't get down about being gay - you say that "on top of everything I'm gay" as if that were a negative aspect of your life. When you stop to realize how wonderful it is to be born a gay man, and all the good things that go with being one, you go from being a victim to being a self-affirmed individual. Show true compassion to yourself and the dark veil will slowly lift from your eyes!

Second, definitely go see a counselor/mental health professional trained in familial abuse and self-esteem issues, if you haven't sought one out already. There are many who are gay-affirming and gay-friendly, make sure that you seek those particular ones out. They'll help you work through the years of pain burdened upon you.

Good luck, let us know how you do! We're here to support you; we got your back, bro!

Drew

[CellarDweller]

Second, definitely go see a counselor/mental health professional trained in familial abuse and self-esteem issues, if you haven't sought one out already. There are many who are gay-affirming and gay-friendly, make sure that you seek those particular ones out. They'll help you work through the years of pain burdened upon you.

Good luck, let us know how you do! We're here to support you; we got your back, bro!

Drew

Style, Drew is right.

As soon as you can, get yourself to a counselor. As someone who has been to one, I can tell you that they work wonders. Just open up to that person, give it time, and be gentle to yourself.

[dfiant]

I have been through the emotional abuse at the hands of a father and I too went through many years where I found myself in a funk and consumed with hatred.

I'm so glad LateBloomer said 'forgive him' because that would be my exact advice.

Forgiveness does you the world of wonders...you don't have to like what he did, or who is he, just forgive him....you don't even have to tell him you forgive him.

I forgave my father 20 years ago...he still doesn't know that I have forgiven him though. ;-)

[Toby]

Depression is a horrible thing. It's a dark cloud that covers the mind and tricks it into believing that all there is is darkness, and that there will never be another good or happy moment ever again. THIS IS A LIE. Depression is always a temporary thing. Like a bad acid trip, it feels horrible and real and like you'll never come out of it. You will.

I agree with everyone here that seeing a counselor would be a wise decision. You can start living and enjoying life, but it takes work. It takes a conscious effort to remind yourself about perspective pertaining to the spell that you're under. Depression feeds itself like a negative feedback loop, a snowball. You become depressed so you stop talking to people and sleep all day, so that makes you think no one wants to talk to you and your physical health declines which all fuels depression. It's a hole that you have to dig out of, and you CAN do it. The very fact that you came here to talk about it shows that you want to get better.

We don't know what happens when we die, maybe something and maybe nothing. But we'll all find out someday. We also don't know if we'll ever get another shot at this living thing. Living can be very difficult and tumultuous at times, but it can also be incredible, and shocking, and orgasmic, and fulfilling, and so unbelievably beautiful that you'll be so thankful that when you were in your most difficult hour, you made the decision to live. This will happen. When all is said and done, you might as well live.

[LateBloomer]

I have been through the emotional abuse at the hands of a father and I too went through many years where I found myself in a funk and consumed with hatred.

I'm so glad LateBloomer said 'forgive him' because that would be my exact advice.

Forgiveness does you the world of wonders...you don't have to like what he did, or who is he, just forgive him....you don't even have to tell him you forgive him.

I forgave my father 20 years ago...he still doesn't know that I have forgiven him though. ;-)

Thanks for the back up.



Same story with my dad. As soon as I RELEASED him of all my anger, holy shit, what a relief for me.

I had to be the adult; the bigger man in that case. It's not easy, but eventually we get exhausted by the anger and resentment. Just let it go. Live IN THE MOMENT; not yesterday or tomorrow. Every day truly is a new beginning.

[Inchante]

Self-esteem is usually a big part of depression. Counseling is a great help for people who experience both. Therapists. good therapists, can help you pinpoint thinking patterns that make you believe negative things about yourself. Your father's verbal abuse has probably made his voice your voice to some extent, at least in what you say to yourself. I know it was with me and my father. It was kind of a reel in my head looping every negative thing he had ever said to me. You have to train yourself to put away those negative thoughts, and realize that you are a decent human being. In away, the real brutality of abuse is that that abuse can carry on in the mind for years after the actual events have happened unless you yourself make it stop.

It sounds like you are a loving and caring person. People come to you when they need help, someone to listen to them. Remember that. This proves beyond a doubt in my mind that you are great and that you are worth every bit of love you can give yourself and that others can give you too . . . no matter if you are gay, straight, bi, whatever.

Hang in there.

[BYoNexus]

plain and simple, im deeply depressed and im generally the person that is a leaning shoulder for other people to talk. When i get depressed i dont talk, or eat,i just sleep and i isolate myself from everybody. Im depressed cause from iwhen i was 6 till 17 my dad was mentally and verbally abusive to me and by mom and 4 siblings. You have no idea all the shit ive been through with that, and on top of that im gay so that just adds to my depression. I truly wish i was dead, ive wished i was dead for a long time and i have no self esteem due to my father. I would just like advice to how to help me get out of this funk

I somewhat understand how you feel. I have been depressed for a long time, and only recently have started feeling a little better about myself. One thing that your shouldn't feel bad about is being gay. I let that get to me for to many years because the people I hung out with seemed very negative towards gay people. It's not something you should be ashamed about. You can't gain Self Esteem if being yourself gets you depressed. I can relate to having little to no self esteem. Ive had low to no self esteem for years and am still struggling with it.
Coming Out and quitting smoking (Weed and Cigarettes) has helped my self esteem a little bit.

In any case, feel free to message me if you want a shoulder to lean on, or if you wanna vent.

[ManicReptile21]

you could alway smitepeople with very harsh consiquences. that always gets my self esteem going. if im not feeling confident i turn cruel and being mean makes me confident lol. though thats not nessecarily positive- its something. but seriously. i'm sending you a personal cyber hug. dont be afraid, dont die. if you think you deserve better- take what you deserve. even if that means you have to steal a kiss from that special someone!