Does this mean something or is it all in my head?

[Rutstuck]

When I was a very young I remember being in my room kissing the tv where there was a man on it and making out with a stuffed toy I had and when I think about it I almost want to say I was acting very femminem. Speed up years later to highschool I start smoking marijuana and having paranoid thoughts that people think I'm gay or a female and I'm convinced when I speak sometimes that I sound like one. I even discover that I'm
Into gay porn and I end up having sexual encounters with men. I had a girlfriend and told her all this but she didn't think I was gay or a women but maybe bisexual. I've never thought of becoming a women or dressing like one buy I've convinced myself that I sometimes think like one I'm not really into manly things and I obsess over things like weight and I worry too much . I have no idea where these thoughts about me bring a women started I think it was the weed I also started thinking what if I was born a women but turned into a man. I think these thoughts are all pretty much paranoid but I sometimes wonder if people think I'm gay. Would I know Forsure at age 23 if this is just in my head?

[Genersis]

Your sexual behaviour is bisexual i'd say if you enjoyed the whole sexual experience with men.(As you seem to with women as you've had girlfriends)

But in the end. It's down to (and up to you) what YOU identify yourself as.mile:

[princealbertofb]

Stop the weed and see more clearly????

[Pix]

I've noticed that some men and women think and act very much like someone of the opposite gender, even if they're hetero, and I think of gender identification and sexual orientation as 2 different things. It's unusual but not weird.

As for enjoying gay porn, I can enjoy hetero romance and erotica (though granted I prefer lesbian-theme works, especially those made by lesbians). And it's my understanding that it's difficult NOT to have sexual relations with other guys while growing up, no matter what gender you are (in both the good and bad ways). I experimented with enough guys sexually since I was 14 and into my early 20s, and I turned away like 99% of the guys who ever came onto me. Anyway, I'm just saying.

Would you know for sure at 23? Well I had a good idea of who I was and what I wanted at that age (though that's changed over the years, with me being about to turn 29) but I was very introspective and studied myself with meditation, metaphysics, and even psychedelic drugs since I was 14. I experimented with gender bending and sex as well which was part of the learning experience. I was lucky in that I wasn't burdened with a lot of guilt or shame over doing this as a great many others are. So maybe what I knew about myself at 23 would be different from what you know about yourself at 23.

I'd suggest you experiment and learn to find out. It does sound likely to me that you're feminine and gay (possibly bi with a strong leaning to guys), but it could be something else. You might also find reading up on Jungian psychology (particularly relating to the anima & animus) useful, or at least interesting. And btw, if you believe in astrology then it's very common for Librans (such as you and me) to possess both strong feminine & masculine traits. mile:

[worlddone]

Weed has nothing to do with it. Its all about what you see yourself as. Don't make people think that weed is bad because you think it confused you. There are many times in my past when I was unhappy and depressed and cannabis helped me out of it. Cannabis helps people! It only matters how you see yourself and what makes you happy. Just be happy man. It doesn't matter if its with a man or woman.

[dfiant]

Oh! silly us for linking pot and paranoia!!!

Hang on, it is a known fact, and if used like alcohol it doesn't solve any REAL problems, they are just tools to run away from the real world...sober up and the problems are still there....Pretty harmless hey.

[Alex2011]

Nah weed can help. It just potenates whatevers there. Depends on the individual tho.

[dfiant]

I said the same things when I was a teenager. When you start watching your friend fall into 'disrepair' you kinda start thinking you are wrong.

Drugs are an escape, even prescribed ones, not a cure. Dealing with reality is the only cure.

[princealbertofb]

Weed has nothing to do with it. Its all about what you see yourself as. Don't make people think that weed is bad because you think it confused you. There are many times in my past when I was unhappy and depressed and cannabis helped me out of it. Cannabis helps people! It only matters how you see yourself and what makes you happy. Just be happy man. It doesn't matter if its with a man or woman.

Rutstuck wanted to know how to keep a clear head; well, smoking pot isn't going to clear his head. That's all I was saying. I'm not condemning nor condoning the use of cannabis. I know it works for some people who are feeling depressed and / or who are sick. But don't tell me that it doesn't induce a certain type of stupour, or lethargy, or doesn't alter a state of mind because I won't believe you. The whole point of smoking it is precisely because it alters your state of alertness, or psyche.

[zeon]

Hello,
I would recommend getting off the weed... Whether its affecting you or not its one less thing to worry about... Your only 23 and should be enjoying life not vegging getting stoned off ya face on weed and thinking about things that you dont need to worry about... You acknowledge yourself that you get a bit paronoid about things so why let this take control of you.... Stay clean for six months and sort yourself out and then re assess and dont go back to it because you know what its doing to you...

Kindest regards

zeon x