Gay man's burden ...?

[Vikta]

Any thoughts on what could be considered the gay man's burden?

[Almac]

Being constantly asked 'Are you gay'!!

[WesHollywood]

You say "Gay Man's Burden," I think "coming out." My sympathy extends to anyone who is coming out.

Living in lies is a bitch, and creating disappointment in the eyes of friends and family is an awful experience. Overcoming guilt to find your own true place can be a real struggle.

Except for playing GLBT down at work, everyone in my circles knows about me. It was painful, but in the end you can become the kind of person you want to be, and can throw away the unrealistic expectations others had for you. If people can't understand, f*ck them, you are the one who has to live with yourself.

[Wolf]

The worst one, worrying about whether someone is going to beat you up or otherwise compromise your safety because you're gay.

Rude people who randomly yell "fag" "queer" and those things

Not being able to marry the one you love, in most places.

Getting asked, "what's it like to be gay"? I cannot explain my feelings to you other than telling you i'm attracted to men. you'll have to try it if you really want to know.

Then telling someone you're gay and they tell you "no way you don't look it" or "no you don't act gay" Well guess what gay has nothing to do with looks or personality.

Getting told by many religious people as well as non-religious its a sin, a phase, a form of rebellion and all the things they say. Nope, it isn't. Think for yourself.

Dealing with stereotypes and hate that surrounds the label.

Not always being able to tell those who you love because you are terrified of rejection.

In some places, worries about getting fired if the place you work at finds out you are gay.

In some places, not being allowed to adopt children or keep custody of children from a straight relationship all because you are gay.

And there are more i'm sure

[WesHollywood]

The worst one, worrying about whether someone is going to beat you up or otherwise compromise your safety because you're gay.

Rude people who randomly yell "fag" "queer" and those things

Not being able to marry the one you love, in most places.

Getting asked, "what's it like to be gay"? I cannot explain my feelings to you other than telling you i'm attracted to men. you'll have to try it if you really want to know.

Then telling someone you're gay and they tell you "no way you don't look it" or "no you don't act gay" Well guess what gay has nothing to do with looks or personality.

Getting told by many religious people as well as non-religious its a sin, a phase, a form of rebellion and all the things they say. Nope, it isn't. Think for yourself.

Dealing with stereotypes and hate that surrounds the label.

Not always being able to tell those who you love because you are terrified of rejection.

In some places, worries about getting fired if the place you work at finds out you are gay.

In some places, not being allowed to adopt children or keep custody of children from a straight relationship all because you are gay.

And there are more i'm sure

I am only three years older than you, but they could be three of the most important years in your life. I hope what happened to me happens to you. My confusion turned into anger, and I began to believe this was my life and I was entitled to my share of happiness. Do not be afraid to assert yourself to get the lifestyle you want. Remember half of winning a fight is the "killer look in your eyes." If you are angry enough, your rage will make you win.

Except for work, do not be afraid to call bullsh*t, bullshit. You were looking for someone when you came in, continue your search. Don't fall for the negative talk.

Hint; I have talked with gay guys in their 60s. They are just as afraid of life and struggling as we are. All they know how to do better than us is live with it, and control it.

As my 47 year old mentor pointed out, he has been married gay 26 years, "The life partner you are really looking for should be a life friend. Sexual interest will decline in later years. Look for qualities that last. " Even I at age 22 I can tell you that my partner does not enjoy my favorite thing in bed. No problem there are plenty who do, I can have my cake and eat it too! Tricks come and go, but when you find a partner that basically fits for you, make it work.

[Lonely]

Fear of dying alone that thought really scares the hell out of me...
just thinking that i might be alone one day with no one who really loves me is my only burden... at least for now

[dfiant]

Never really thought of my sexuality as a burden, it just always was. The burden fell on those that thought being gay is wrong because it was upto them to learn.

But if anything was a burden to me - knowing what I went through at school and see younger people endure the same treatment 30 years later in a society that is supposedly progressive.

[Vikta]

The responses have been great! Presumed sexual orientation/identity, coming-out, loneliness, bigotry, and perhaps static social intolerance... I'm just trying to get an idea of what burdens us most as a community... I may post a follow up question later to get the flip side

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I don't know. Being expected to know the current fashions, what taupe is, and how do to hair? Being pressed into 'gay service' because, you know, your gay so you HAVE to know all of that stuff associated with gays? what flowers to have at a wedding, what current trend in fashion to look for. I don't know about anybody else, I hold firm that Plaid is indeed a color - one of my favorite colors. I don't cut hair and my sense of fashion is non-existent.

It amazes me how even the tolerant people have bigoted stereotyped notions....

The darker side to this is the burden of being 'the bigger man' and allowing people to scream bits of profanity or insults, biting your tongue because society would frown on you ripping their lungs out and handing them back to the coward.

After all, gays are suppose to 'play nice' lord forbid if we really decided to lynch the mo-fo who screams 'fag!' at every one he things is queer.

That falls under persecution, and we are persecuted. Take that Michigan bill recently put through that basically gives Fundamentalists a legal leg to persecute gays based on religious belief.

Wes too made a good point, why is it that gays have to come out? No body expects a straight kid to have to admit that he is indeed straight and loves women.

Pick one, or take them all. It is all a burden.

[cloud999]

I didn't know homosexuality existed, nor was the name for liking other guys, until I turned 16. By finding a gay porn site. Because I was raised hardcore Catholic. I then proceeded to "make" myself not like guys for God and Pope, with repeated failures after five years of trying.

Then in college, every gay in my dorm wanted to bottom for me. Even the closeted ones. And ones I met at Catholic mass. And female neighbors who wanted me to do threesomes. And randomly became good friends with the president of the LGBT organization (hundreds strong at this campus). One fellow closeted student who had all the same classes with me started sitting next to me in class. He'd drop his pen, then wiggle his hand under my jeans while picking it up. Gave me a raging hardon, as this guy was a jacked asian...so I returned the favor. It wasn't long before he was following me to the men's restroom. That's when I learned I was living in a gay village. And I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't straight, and couldn't even pretend.

After a year he was starting to fall in love with me...but one of our mutual friends figured him out. After a less-than-pleasant discussion, said asian professionally backstabbed me and found a Baptist girlfriend. His parents are from communist China, and his being the eldest son, he was expected to find a wife and continue the family line. He'd be beaten and disowned if they found out he preferred men.

It can fucking suck.

---

On the bright side, the Halloween of my senior year in college, I somehow ended up at a drag party with nothing but beer-soaked underwear on. And it was fucking freezing. Good times!