Why are you so gay?

[matty7]

i just am - dont question it cos it normall for me !!

[Kiid]

I tell everyone its cos my mum was cheating on my dad and so I have superior DNA compeard to my brother ;D

[nikolas]

I do t think i really qualify to answer this particular question, but here goes my two cents.

Even as a boy, I knew I wasnt just limited to boys or girls, I often fantasied about being with boys and being with girls, heck I even dreamed about it. It was never a real question for me.

But for the sake of the argument I can say that I wave the "its a genetic thing" flag frantically. Because, the first time i mastrubated, i was fantasizing about being with boys.

But, I often fantasized about girls too at those ages. Deep topics indeed

[gfxtwin]

I've pondered this myself. The more I think about it, the more disturbed I become. I tried to trace my sexual thoughts and fetishes back to my earliest memories in childhood so as to pinpoint what caused them. My homosexual side is somewhat limited to the love of large weiners. I get the most sexually aroused by the image of a girl showing a genuinely impressed reaction to a large penis. I often felt that If my penis wasn't tiny, I wouldn't be gay because I could create this image myself. I traced the origins of this fetish or whatever to porn and the fact that my dad left boxes and boxes of the stuff lying around the house. I saw the big weiners, but it wasn't until I saw the effect they had on girls (an image which also dominated the minds of most girls I knew as a kid...until highschool, which is when girls suddenly and mysteriously became less impressed by big ones..hmmm) that I became excited. I'd suck one. But get more out of watching a girl do it with passion. What I can't figure out is if I'm just attracted to the image, or if deep down I want to be one of those girls in that situation.

What is actually disturbing to me is that my identities in regards to love and sex mostly stem from experiences with family during childhood. My father toilet training me by peeing right next to me might be considered the source of my big weiner fetish. Ew. My tiny size compared to my adult mom's towering presence might have resulted in the giantess fetish that I obsessed over until the end of highschool. My emotional core, in other words, all of my sympathy, gravitated towards old men with mustaches. My step-grandfather was one of these and he was the closest person in my life and I attribute those feelings to this fact. I don't know if I am right, wrong, or way off the mark. My family has a history of incest and abuse...perhaps I was abused at a young age? I don't know the cause of any of this for sure, but I know that there are too many strange coincidences that prevent me from completely settling on "I was born that way". I believe that most homosexuals as well as people with certain fetishes might be "born that way", but in some ways, I think I was shaped by my environment. This doesn't explain why some kids who grew up in disturbed and dysfunctional families tuned out to be totally well adjusted adults and other kids who grow up in "ideal" families become psychopaths, creeps, and disturbed individuals.

My bizarre fetishes, my identity as a homosexual man, my empathy towards older men...all appear to be the result of some quasi-incestuous Freudian occurrences throughout my childhood. I'm pretty fucked up about it and rarely leave the house because I know that to form strong and deep relationships with anyone would result in my having to come clean about all this. I doubt I will retreat from my fantasy of books, films and videogames any time soon.

[Thibideau]

Considering I can remember having gayish thoughts as young as 4 years old, I tend to take the Born this way stance. I mean back then it was innocent not sexual, but I always remember being curious about other boys in my class ect. I used to purposely time my bathroom breaks to sneak a peak with other boys :p I wanted to see them with their pants down, not entirely sure why, I just did. Maybe to compare, maybe it's more normal than I thought to be curious at that age. However not once can I say I was ever even curious about a girl in that way. The older everyone I became even less interested with girls.

So yeah, being that young and being curious about other guys I kinda of have to believe I was born this way. It's not like my parents could do anything to my mind at the point to make me decide that I was more interested in the male form than the female one. Kids that young don't even know what sex is, let alone what sexual preferance is.

[0TC]

Gfxtwin,

Off-topic: How is it that you knew what dominated the minds of girls as a kid? (Not a snarky question; I'm genuinely curious.)

By the way, I know what you're talking about when you say that you can't figure out whether you're more attracted to the image of a girl sucking dick or the prospect of being that girl yourself. In my case, I'm drawn to breasts, hair, makeup, and sexy dresses, but I'm never quite certain whether I'm attracted to the girl who possesses them or the fantasy of having those things for myself.

TC

[0TC]

Back on topic:

I know a little about genetics, so I can add this tidbit: The current thinking is that there is no clear dividing line between genes and the environment. This is because the same genetic code can manifest very differently in different environments. Thus, an attribute can only be understood as the expression of a gene within a specific environment; both are necessary, and it doesn't make sense to debate which is more important.

In any case, when people ponder how nature vs. nurture affects homosexuality, they are not really interested in genetics; rather, they are grappling with existential questions: If my environment had been different, might I have been straight? Am I responsible for my environment (Am I choosing to be gay)? Is someone else responsible for my environment (Am I a victim)? Does the environment which results in homosexuality arise from social or familial dysfunction (Is gayness evidence of a broken system)? Can I change my environment and stop being gay? Or is homosexuality my fate -- I was born this way, and I'm powerless to change (So I might as well accept it)?

I don't want to belittle questions like those, but they come to mind for me only when I'm feeling unhappy. When life is good, they just don't seem relevant.

TC

[gfxtwin]

Gfxtwin,

Off-topic: How is it that you knew what dominated the minds of girls as a kid? (Not a snarky question; I'm genuinely curious.)

By the way, I know what you're talking about when you say that you can't figure out whether you're more attracted to the image of a girl sucking dick or the prospect of being that girl yourself. In my case, I'm drawn to breasts, hair, makeup, and sexy dresses, but I'm never quite certain whether I'm attracted to the girl who possesses them or the fantasy of having those things for myself.

TC

Dominated in terms of being the most potent sexual thought. Most of the girls in my class growing up...whenever they'd say anything about weiners or sex (which wasn't often), they would be way more excited to see a bigger one. They'd turn it into a kind of game. One girl might say, "OMG remember when I saw bobby's pee-pee in the bathroom? I say mikey's today and it was EVEN BIGGER!" Another example is how my sisters and the group of friends they hung out with (popular cheerleaders and princesses) would all sing along to a song that made fun of boys with small pricks. When I was about 9, I showed it to a girl in my class and she laughed and told all of the girls in school, who then subsequently laughed or snickered in the hallway. My nickname was "outie", because it looked like an outie belly button I suppose.

Of course all of this changed in highschool. All of these girls started preaching size doesn't matter and whatnot. I think on some level they really believed it. They probably saw a monster dick on the internet and realized how much it would hurt. But I have been shown no reason to believe that women, especially the girliest and most insecure, would not prefer a longer penis. My childhood experiences have shed some light on the subject, as well as some highschool experiences. Sure, there are plenty of women who don't feel that way, but I bet a lot who say they wouldn't prefer a medium to large penis over a tiny one are lying.

I'm not so much drawn to makeup or dresses (girls always look better without makeup). The other stuff I like. I've got this thing about pantsuits. If I see an attractive girl, preferably with a round ass or large breasts, wearing a pantsuit it gets me excited. Not the pantsuit itself so much, but the fact that it represents a less feminine, professional image...YET underneath that image is a supple female body waiting to be ravished. I like the female body quite a bit. The thought of penetrating it is exciting to me. Unfortunately that's more or less a pipe dream with the penis I have.

[Pix]

I bet a lot who say they wouldn't prefer a medium to large penis over a tiny one are lying.

Maybe it's because I'm a lesbian but I don't recall ever being fascinated with penis sizes. And for a few years I played almost exclusively with boys and we satisfied our mutual curiosity by seeing each other naked.

But maybe we're both just projecting. It matters to you so you think it must matter to women, just as I think it doesn't matter so I project my own belief into other women. But if most women want bigger penises then it's strange that I see very little about how big a penis is in porn and erotica by women for women (sure, size tends to matter, but not in the "bigger is better" way, preferences vary a lot, and it's usually a lot less important to women than to men).

[0TC]

Gfxtwin,

What you say about girls -- I didn't see any of that when I was growing up. Girls were always perfectly innocent little angels. The prospect of a pre-teen girl singing about a penis or mocking one is unfathomable to me.

TC


PS: Pantsuits -- blech! But I did steal my roomate's short-skirted buisness suit one night to wear out to a gay club. Gotta show off those legs!


PPS: In your past two posts, you've mentioned that you are "pretty fucked up" and that your penis size limits you. Do you want help? I'm new here, but the regular crowd seems to offer really good advice on how to cope with things.