I'm new, here's some stuff about me

[Matt441]

Hi,

My name is Matt I'm 26 and I've been struggling with my sexual identity ever since I was about 13. I've always been a very quiet person. I've been on about two dates my entire life, both with girls but neither really developed into anything. I've felt attraction to both guys and girls but I suppose I would have to say that I've been slightly more attracted to guys. I fully support all gay rights, but at the same time if I it turns out that I'm gay I would be disappointed and I would most likely be too afraid to enter into any kind of relationship and would spend my time alone. I don't know if that is the best plan but it's just the way I feel right now. I was hoping to get some perspective on this. And thank you for welcoming me on to the forum.

[Rainbowmum]

Well, Hello there Matt.
First let me say Welcome to GS, secondly, not to sound to cliche , love does change a lot of things.
Being gay is not a conscience choice you can make , you are either gay , bi or you are not.
Do not let the fear of the unknown crush your chance for happiness.

Hang around and get to know the people here , I promise you will not regret it.

[nullnaught]

Well, Hello there Matt.
First let me say Welcome to GS, secondly, not to sound to cliche , love does change a lot of things.
Being gay is not a conscience choice you can make , you are either gay , bi or you are not.
Do not let the fear of the unknown crush your chance for happiness.

Hang around and get to know the people here , I promise you will not regret it.

Here, here! Welcome to G.S., and please keep an open mind about life.

[pellaz]

welcome to gayspeak

if I it turns out that I'm gay I would be disappointed

most are not disappointed

[LateBloomer]

Hi,

My name is Matt I'm 26 and I've been struggling with my sexual identity ever since I was about 13. I've always been a very quiet person. I've been on about two dates my entire life, both with girls but neither really developed into anything. I've felt attraction to both guys and girls but I suppose I would have to say that I've been slightly more attracted to guys. I fully support all gay rights, but at the same time if I it turns out that I'm gay I would be disappointed and I would most likely be too afraid to enter into any kind of relationship and would spend my time alone. I don't know if that is the best plan but it's just the way I feel right now. I was hoping to get some perspective on this. And thank you for welcoming me on to the forum.

Hi Matt, welcome.



I was a pretty quiet kid/young adult too. My whole story is pretty much somewhere on this website...

Anyway, listen, I know you feel like you're probably different than everyone else. All your friends are out there dating and/or getting married. Everyone seems so friggin secure in what they want and desire, but you're a little confused and frustrated but too quiet to ask someone for help or guidance or perspective...

...but you found us...


Well, I was a 35 y/o virgin. Didn't really date anyone until I was 27, that's when I kissed my first woman. Had a couple dates in high school, none in college. I was pretty confused about all of it. Eventually I went to a few counseling sessions to help sort out how I felt and the therapist told me: "I can't tell you if you're gay or straight, you need to get out and date people and see who you enjoy being around."

Well that scared the crap out of me.

But you know, eventually with time, we grow to know OURSELVES better. This is why I call myself "LateBloomer".

I figured it out very, very late (relatively) in life. But you know what? It's fine, I like the perspective I have.

I hope you can be philosophical about this; and be gentle with yourself; just take your time and patient; don't put unneeded pressure on yourself.

Use this forum to bounce ideas off of other people who have been in your shoes before (like me).

Best wishes.

[wakeboarder]

welcome to GS!!! some days are easier. some days are harder. but you will begin to love yourself with a new appreciation for yourself when you begin finding and accepting who you really are. their is a bunch of loving/caring people on here.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hi,

My name is Matt I'm 26 and I've been struggling with my sexual identity ever since I was about 13. I've always been a very quiet person. I've been on about two dates my entire life, both with girls but neither really developed into anything. I've felt attraction to both guys and girls but I suppose I would have to say that I've been slightly more attracted to guys. I fully support all gay rights, but at the same time if I it turns out that I'm gay I would be disappointed and I would most likely be too afraid to enter into any kind of relationship and would spend my time alone. I don't know if that is the best plan but it's just the way I feel right now. I was hoping to get some perspective on this. And thank you for welcoming me on to the forum.

I didn't even suspect I was gay until my first lover started flirting with me. Up to that time I figured my lack of interest in women was a special thing, which worked nicely with my desire to be in Service to God.... I was working toward becoming a Friar (sort of like a monk). I never thought of the possibility that my lack of interest in women meant - gay.

It took him about 6 months to convince me to spend the night at his place then we only cuddled and slept... the next night things were more, um, active . During that time I had lots of mixed emotions. I was 'disappointing' to discover I am gay, It kinda sorta put a monkey wrench in the whole 'Life of poverty, obedience and celibacy' thing.

I had an emotional struggle, balancing out my 'needs' and my 'wants'. The hardest part of that battle is figuring out what is a need and what is a want. These two concepts are different things.

You need to figure out what in your life is a 'want' and what is a need.

Need- something you have to have
Want -something you would like to have

More here: http://frugalliving.about.com/od/frugall..._Needs.htm

While you might want to be straight, you may need to be gay/bi in order to be happy. Its ok to want to be straight, you live in a world were it is relatively easier for a straight person than LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transexual/gender).

However denying basic facts about ourselves does not make us content and happy, you may need to be gay/bi and accept this in order to be happy and content in like.

As for relationships - when the right person comes along it becomes easier to throw out all of those extra concepts that currently prevent you from seeking a relationship.

For me, I decided to be 'gay' - I made a clear 'choice' to not hide it and to come out regardless of the consequences. I decided that because I decided that yes, I do love this man and I do want to be with this man 100%. I also decided to be honest with myself about the whole friar/secular thing...

Loses - yes, but the wins out weighed the losses in the long run.