Might be gay and I'm really scared

[Matt441]

Hi,

I'm new to the forum, I've been struggling with what my sexuality is for about 13 years now. I think it's possible that I could be gay but I'm not completely sure. The possibility of being gay really scares me and i would be very disappointed if it turned out to be the case. Let me be clear I fully support all gay rights it's just that I never wanted that life for me. My plan would be to never act on my feelings and live my life alone, I'm not sure if it's the best idea, but it's the only one I've got. If anyone has any thoughts I'd really appreciate your comments.

[Inchante]

Well, none of us can tell you if you are gay or not. Human sexuality is not that complicated of a matter, though, when it really comes down to it. It doesn't work in binaries (homosexual/heterosexual). It works in a continuum, where one person may be almost entirely attracted to the opposite sex, another almost entirely attracted to the same sex, and many who fall some place in between.

I would ask you how frequently you are attracted to members of the same sex (people you come in contact with and people you might see in the media), how frequently do you find yourself fantasizing about other men, and then compare that information with how frequently you feel and do those things with women in mind.

Really, the thing that makes sexuality complicated is society, how it structures, defines, and demeans certain things which occur in nature. If you are primarily attracted to men (gay), I would give a second thought to allowing yourself to be who you are. You do not have to limit yourself. There are plenty of gay people that have great lives, great loves, and great accomplishments. Being gay does not have to subsume the rest of your identity nor do you have to deny that part of your identity to be happy. Indeed, most of us have found the opposite to be true.

Really, you should just concern yourself with finding out who you are and being the best version of that that you can--live life according to your own good and allow others to do the same.

[ToddYoung]

If you're really unsure, it would seem to suggest that you're bisexual to some degree. You don't mention whether you are attracted to both sexes. All I can go by is my own experience. I have never had any doubt I was gay because I have never had any sexual attraction towards women.

I've had guys ask me, "But how did you know you were gay?" To me, this question seems to be coming from a bisexual standpoint, where a person has attraction for their own sex and is worried about it. They want to know how you were certain you were gay, but to a gay person the question doesn't even make any sense.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yeah I can relate, I never planned on getting old, crippled and be in chronic pain every hour of every day.... but Life had other plans for me.

Life has other plans for you - get used to this idea, embrace it for you are in for a long and interesting ride.....

[East]

If you choose to continue on the path you have chosen...one thing you can count on is you will never have to wonder who your worst enemy is.....just take a look in the mirror.

[Genersis]

Self oppression isn't the answer.
Especially when nothing bad will come of expressing yourself...well...nothing more than other sexualities.
What makes you think oppressing yourself is the best solution if you are gay?
The only reason i can think of, is that you are afraid of the bigotry and stigma that comes with it.

Suppressing your urges almost never works, you'll end up expressing it sooner or later without some sort of mental conditioning. Even then, it's unlikely you wont "slip up" at least once.

Wouldn't it be better to express your sexuality how YOU'D like, rather than eventually "slipping up" and then feeling guilty about it?

If you're not sure about your sexuality, you could be Bi.
Though either way, you must have some kind of attraction to the same sex to be posting here, and my advice above would still be appropriate.

What ever you decide, have a good life eh?
Enjoy it!mile:

[dfiant]

Hi,

I'm new to the forum, I've been struggling with what my sexuality is for about 13 years now. I think it's possible that I could be gay but I'm not completely sure. The possibility of being gay really scares me and i would be very disappointed if it turned out to be the case. Let me be clear I fully support all gay rights it's just that I never wanted that life for me. My plan would be to never act on my feelings and live my life alone, I'm not sure if it's the best idea, but it's the only one I've got. If anyone has any thoughts I'd really appreciate your comments.

Have to agree with what has already been said, you are your worst enemy.

You would rather deprive yourself of love than let yourself fall in love with a man? sad sad sad.

get over yourself, grow up, and go and look for someone with whom you can fall in love with and enjoy a long happy life together...regardless of what gender they are. So what if it happens your dream love is with another man.

[ObnoxiousKid]

agreed dfgiant (:

[BYoNexus]

Hi,

I'm new to the forum, I've been struggling with what my sexuality is for about 13 years now. I think it's possible that I could be gay but I'm not completely sure. The possibility of being gay really scares me and i would be very disappointed if it turned out to be the case. Let me be clear I fully support all gay rights it's just that I never wanted that life for me. My plan would be to never act on my feelings and live my life alone, I'm not sure if it's the best idea, but it's the only one I've got. If anyone has any thoughts I'd really appreciate your comments.

First welcome to the forum!

I'll give you some advice. I had originally planned to do what you are planning (Never act on your feelings and live life alone), and I'll tell you one thing, thats a very bad idea. I was closeted since the beginning of High School, and it wasn't so bad the first few years.
However, after high school, not acting on my feelings started to really effect me negatively. I picked up a couple of bad habits like smoking and drugs, and became really depressed. Eventually, I said enough was enough and Came Out this year, and let me tell you, if I hadn't done so, I would've eventually gotten suicidal. Maybe not in the near future, but I could tell that it was heading towards that point.

So, my advice would be to NOT punish yourself for being you, because You'll live to regret it. Big time.

[dlboy53]

I understand where you are coming from and to be truthful its not a good path to go down. i would say that I first knew something was different about me when I was about 12 years old and spent time looking at playgirls more then playboys. I never really acted out on it and went through Jr high and high school acting straight. now acting straight will work only for so long, then my inter feelings kick in and started getting turned on by men, then I would oppress those feeling. Now that I'm in my 40s I kind of look back and regret oppressing those feelings, now I wounder what could have been.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't limit yourself and become depressed over the whole thing, life is to valuable to waste