*sigh* I am at a crossroads with this one. I've always been addressed about the 'warning signs' of a controlling relationship, but what if it appears milder (sort of) or unintentional? My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months and she is my first true relationship- messing things up now is the last thing I want. But, I need to know it it's a healthy relationship. I'm always told to get out of a controlling relationship because the person will never change, but what do I do?? She tends to ask me who i'm talking to when I'm on the phone or texting, looks on my computer when i'm typing and seems to hate it when my friends are around. The part that truly bothers me is when she has friends around, I no longer exist. But when they leave, I become her world. It seems immature and hypocritical, but not entirely controlling. I'm so confused! Advice, please?
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the prospective girl friend has to want to be in a relationship (with you) 100%.
hang in there but i think you are not going to get what you want.
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Hi Brandi,
Controlling relationships are hard set when we are dealing with adults. I will assume that she is around about your age (16) thus is in the process of learning where she is in life in relation to everyone else. She still has a few more years to 'grow out' of a lot of patterns.
If you were 26 I would say yes, definitely, this is a 'warning sign' or three.
However you are both still in the middle of puberty, are both caught between the place between childhood and adulthood that all of us consider to be hell on earth.
As such, I cannot say if this is a set pattern for life or if she is just pushing boundaries and trying to figure out her strengths/weaknesses and where she is at when it comes her place as 'adult'.
It is possible (I do not know if this is the case) that she is lagging behind in maturity and you are just a wee bit more mature, so it bothers you more.
However since it does bother you I would suggest you communicate with her that it does and why it does bother you that she has this contradictory standard were its ok for her to have friends while you are not allowed them. Her answers, her willingness to discuss the problems should give you a better idea where she is an how 'set' she is in her ways.
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Honestly...I think that people who are "controlling" and want to know who you are talking to ect are projecting their own crap on to you..meaning...they know what THEY either do or think about with other people so assume you are doing the same thing and the more provocative their own thoughts the more they become possessive and jealous of you.
I would bring up the "idea' of projecting to her and see how she handles it. Some people are actually interested in evolving and growing as a person and if they are at least interested in the concept then maybe there is a chance.
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