lonely...

[procrasty]

well...i'm so LONELY
i study for completing my highschool exam at the end of this year.i quit work for it.i love it that i don't have to go there,hated every second.
well,i am completely isolated now.i never really had a boyfriend and i feel like i never had a friend in the world.
i am actually past these feelings,but it would be so good to have a gay friend to talk about all the things and just hang out sometime...
i had a guy at work who i thought was a friend of mine,he said he was bi,but acted weirdly and to this day i wonder if he made fun of me and told everybody that ''that fag has a crush on me,he is lonely and pathetic,omg lol you guys''.or maybe i was too uncool or smt...i don't know.it was fishy
whatever...
i'm over it but i really would like him to be here right now and be there for me...
i think in the morning i will go buy a bottle of wine and drink it myself,as usually
it makes me feel good.i wish i lived in holland,i would smoke pot...
ehh...
i hate myself for not studying.i have these thoughts in my mind and they distract me.u know like it goes...
i procrastinate.and i can't afford to,cause i gotta get into uni otherwise life will be miserable.people are so homophobic and treat me like shit all the time,like i'm not human or smt,so i MUST get a profession in uni to work on my own,otherwise they will put me in an early grave.literally.
i know that .and i know that i MUST study.
i am 22 and doing my last year of highschool.i got bullied so bad i dropped out like 2 times.i was suicidal and everything seemed so hopeless.but that went away since i got rid of negatives in my life.now my outlook is clear.funny how that works,heh?
that guy at work pushed me away when i needed his friendship most and he would say things like ''omg ur 21 and still in school and i have a degree''.i guess i was too much of a loser to be his friend.you'd think a bi guy would be understanding about why i am ''still in highschool''.
fuck men.they suck so bad.
i just wish there was some cool guy in my life as a FRIEND who would share with me and all....i don't want relationships,i'm not ready.i just want a friend...such simple request it seems...
i guess that rhyme was right

''i tried to find a friend-it's more easily said,it's always been the same!''
:frown:

[Tyke]

I have definitely been in that place where you can't tell if people are making fun of you or not. I think if somebody makes you uncomfortable, just stay away from them.

What are your interests? What do you like to do? These are probably the things that will help you to find friends. Do you have any childhood friends? Those are the friends that will always be there.

[procrasty]

hmm... interesting.
you said ''I think if somebody makes you uncomfortable, just stay away from them.''
that is EXACTLY what i believe,too.
i think if he is your friend there should be no questions or weird feeling of suspicion.
there were A LOT of those there,so...yeah
i like walks an listening to my mp3,love watching the simpsons...well mconstructive interests i guess are:wanting to start playing the guitar(no money to buy one)
wanting to start regular gym and healthy diet(protein and all)-no money to start this

[procrasty]

desperately wanting to take up swimming-no money for the pool
wanting to take martial arts classes(not that i have weight problem or anything,i just always wanted to get into sports)-do i really have to repeat what's stopping me?
well,i'm sure you see a patern there.
everything needs MONEY
which i don't have.i'm from a poor family and all....
whatever...i don't care about that anymore.
right now my forced interest is this subject at school.which i MUST practice.damn.it's not that i hate it,when i start i find it interesting just starting is the issue
childhood friends...well lets just say we all went our seperate ways.
i have to choose whether i go to the university here or i go to the UK to work-and i want to go to uni.
in the UK i would prolly work as a flight attendant,but the thing is -i hate customer service and it makes me want to kill myself.
what do you do?study/work?

[Eromir]

Sveiki!

I also went trough more or less the same thing when i was a bit younger than you and still living in Riga. Latvia is a homophobic country and it's very hard to find acceptance there.
I moved to Germany, met a great guy and have lived happily ever since.

Have you considered moving to a country where you can study and work at the same time? In some gay friendly countries, like Denmark or Germany, that is possible, though not easy.

[procrasty]

Sveiki!

I also went trough more or less the same thing when i was a bit younger than you and still living in Riga. Latvia is a homophobic country and it's very hard to find acceptance there.
I moved to Germany, met a great guy and have lived happily ever since.

Have you considered moving to a country where you can study and work at the same time? In some gay friendly countries, like Denmark or Germany, that is possible, though not easy.

i am thinking about moving more to the west,like Denmark you mentioned.
but the thing is i am terrified to end up in a homophobic setting at work again.because i don't have any qualifications my only option will be to work a a fast food place,because i don't have any connections for anyone to help get me any decent independant type of job.
i don't have any funds to sustain myself for more than a month or 2 without working there and what if i end up in a very tough job which does not provide time to study.
there is also language barrier-i only know english russian and latvian.what if english is not enough???
how did you move?how much money did it take to settle in?
what job do you have?
do you study?please give me some more info on this if it is not inconvenient for you.
oh man i am so jealous of you,i so want to klive a normal life and you know,sometimes i feel like i am not even a human being living here...

[Eromir]

Was about to send you a PM, as i don't feel comfortable about sharing some details on the forum, but apparently i need 10 more posts to do that. Since i don't want to go on a spamming spree, i'll need a different way of contacting you.

On more general stuff... Unqualified jobs are easier to get and pay a LOT more in Germany and Denmark. Except for the safety deposit for my apartment, settling in didn't take any additional cost. Though i was roughing it a little and still am. Would recommend saving up a little more before moving, if only not to run into any unpleasant surprises.
Haven't come out at work and don't feel the need to. I keep my private life to myself. Haven't had any problems or conflicts so far.
Not knowing the language might be a problem in Germany, but form what i have heard from friends, you can get by with English in Denmark. There are other counties you can consider too, but i don't know much about them.

The difference in attitude is huge. Sometimes it feels weird being able to kiss my BF in public and not get laughed at. That's not conceivable in Latvia.
You can also greatly improve your chances at finding a partner, as many more people have come to terms with their sexuality.

Hope you'll find your place in life.

[procrasty]

[quote=Eromir]Was about to send you a PM, as i don't feel comfortable about sharing some details on the forum, but apparently i need 10 more posts to do that. Since i don't want to go on a spamming spree, i'll need a different way of contacting you.

On more general stuff... Unqualified jobs are easier to get and pay a LOT more in Germany and Denmark. Except for the safety deposit for my apartment, settling in didn't take any additional cost. Though i was roughing it a little and still am. Would recommend saving up a little more before moving, if only not to run into any unpleasant surprises.
Haven't come out at work and don't feel the need to. I keep my private life to myself. Haven't had any problems or conflicts so far.
Not knowing the language might be a problem in Germany, but form what i have heard from friends, you can get by with English in Denmark. There are other counties you can consider too, but i don't know much about them.

The difference in attitude is huge. Sometimes it feels weird being able to kiss my BF in public and not get laughed at. That's not conceivable in Latvia.
You can also greatly improve your chances at finding a partner, as many more people have come to terms with their sexuality.

Hope you'll find your place in life. [/
uzraksti 6kaipa, erwcat mans vards tur-you know how they say in latvian,lol