Nervous

[Pb108]

Ok, first post but I most definitely need some advice. I've known I was gay forever but I live deep in the south and African-American dudes still get lynched in the southern part of the state for interracial marriage so I've always kept it quite so High School wasn't hell. I finally told this chick who's one of my best friends that I was gay. She says I should just come out and tell everybody. This is tearing me apart because I know for a fact my mother will kick me out if I reveal to her I'm gay and I rely on her for tuition payments and a place to live. I will also lose friends due to the general atmosphere of homo and xenophobia around my town.

I love my family and friends but t the same time I'm sick and tired of lying to them about who I am. I'm basically lost between being true to myself and the environment around me. I could really use some advice. I guess I'm at a breaking point.

[cmj1985]

i wish i could help you but im in the same delema pretty well but i have been paging through this sight and found lots of good helpfull advice there are some links on my thread that were verry helpfull if you want to check them out my thread is called not sure how to tell my family

[Pb108]

Alright thanks man. your help is greatly appreciated.

[azulai]

Hi, Pb108 and welcome to GS!

It's very easy for friends and other people to tell you to "come out," "be bold and brave" but YOU have to live it. You've listed some very big and real concerns. I think your fears are real. Is this friend going to provide a roof over your head and help pay tuition? With the economy, will you be able to find a job that accommodates your school schedule, give you enough study time and pay for rent? You have very real issues.

In light of what you've said, I would not rush. Take your time, you've come out to one friend who is accepting. Celebrate that. Concentrate on school. I just think there is plenty of time to come out. Maybe one friend at a time? Maybe you can start discussions about political issues and slowly change minds? Maybe you can challenge the blind faith some people have rather than blind love?

The fact that you know you are at a breaking point, tells me you are in touch with your emotional self and you know your limits. I hope you listen to your mind/body and focus on getting your balance.

You ultimately have to decide what is right for you and you will know when it's time. I just want you safe so I will always go with slow down and plan things out. I hope you hang around, maybe venting to us will help you figure out more options.

eta: student loans are an option. But, you would need to have all that in place before telling your mom and a contingency plan on a place to stay.

[Pb108]

Thank you I really appreciate that. Forever I felt like I was a freak and I just want everybody at this site to know you're helping me realize that I'm just me. I can't change who I am just because people don't want me to be there backwards version of normal. :biggrin:

[Almac]

Ok, first post but I most definitely need some advice. I've known I was gay forever but I live deep in the south and African-American dudes still get lynched in the southern part of the state for interracial marriage

[SIZE="3"][COLOR="DarkSlateBlue"]
Firstly welcome to Gay Speak...

I can't believe in the any Southern States today that could ever happen an interracial marriage would be adversely looked on?? I always thought that sort of thing stopped way back in the Civil Rights days???? Somebody put me right please... [/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Rainbowmum]

Hello Pb welcome to the family.
I know it must be frustrating to you living a lie, and my usual advice is to stay true to your self.
How ever ,considering the backward and dangerous place that you live in, I would suggest that you put your safety and comfort first.

You will have plenty of time in the future to be true to your self.
Do not rush things, you are not less than you are ,if you keep things close to your heart for now.

Hugs

[fenris]

It is my opinion that - like the others said - it is your own thing to tell or to tell not.
But I think too that a day will come when you have to decide you for your own life in a relationship or to stay as the family-friendly person wich your family want to have.

[pellaz]

[SIZE="3"]
I can't believe in the any Southern States today that could ever happen an interracial marriage would be adversely looked on?? I always thought that sort of thing stopped way back in the Civil Rights days???? Somebody put me right please... [/SIZE]

in the land of the free and moral racial prejudice had a very hard and difficult death. Its ludicrous to think there is any significant genetic differences between white and black peoples except their skin color. This has a big impact on the rights for gays to marry i think. fyi: it was like 1920's that women got the right to vote. Enough said, there is no land of the free. The general population will always find some supporting rederick to suppress who ever they want.

"Interracial marriage in the United States has been fully legal in all U.S. states since the 1967; Supreme Court decision that deemed anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional, with many states choosing to legalize interracial marriage at much earlier dates. The United States has many ethnic and racial groups and interracial marriage is fairly common among most of them. Multiracial Americans numbered 7 percent of married couples, up from 2 percent in 1970."
grey = No laws passed
green = Repealed before 1887
yello = Repealed from 1948 to 1967
red = Overturned on 12 June 1967 //this is where the OP lives, the fed gov forced them to do it.

[pellaz]

coming out is your decision. Its something you do for your self too.

I know for a fact my mother will kick me out if I reveal to her I'm gay and I rely on her for tuition payments and a place to live.

If the tuition and rent checks are sufficient and regular why rock the boat. Dont get me wrong! come out to the rents asap, just not now. If it is not going to be a supportive situation, adding to your stress, why bother to come out. Its real important to keep the house hold (as you see it) smooth running and concentrate on your school.

lose friends due to the general atmosphere of homo and xenophobia around my town.

They are not your friends. In a gentile but pragmatic way loose the old peeps and find new friends. You need and deserve the support around you.
Break the circle of abuse; at times the gay community is not the most accepting. The current environment is a bad influence on you at minimum.


-Would your parents be favorable for you to go to school out of town?
-I have to say this... you would be surprised how close family and friends already know you gay. i really still think you best interest is still in the closet. Clean up things around you if you come out at home.
-Isnt it sad to see parents that dont champion their children 101%. They let strangers into their lives that tell them they cant un conditionally love their children and or the parents are homophobic and never dealt with their own sexuality. For your own good tho you have to step up to the plate for yourself chances are youre not going to change how these people think.