I am in a dilemma

[indianajones]

But, Guys in all this episode, do i actually come across as an emotionally vulnerable person. I know that i need a partner, but, i m suprised, why i am getting so deparate so much so that i can even accept anything that comes my way. Does this reveal any vulnerability on my part or it is sth that can happen to anyone?
Finding your solumate takes time....and i am just ready wait for as long as it takes me to find one.

[dfiant]

Nobody needs a partner, it isn't critical to be in a relationship, what is critical is friends and friendship. The desire for a relationship is a 'want'. Realising this will keep you from making the same mistake over and over, as you seem to be in a vicious cycle because you thing you 'need' to be in a relationship, regardless of how destructive it is or could become.

Re-assess your wants and needs mate

[indianajones]

O my, that was such a realization. What u said, dfiant, makes perfect sense to me.
I need to me little mature in dealing with issues like these. Anyway, after all we learn only from our mistakes. Although it is gonna be hard for me, but i am going to clarify things to this guy very shortly.
My quest for a partner will continue, but i will be exteremely careful this time and will try to manage my emotions better.

[indianajones]

guys i have called ths relationshp off and not feeling sad at all. I feel much better nw and relieved as i just wasnt happy in that relationshp at all.i wish he also understands y i did that..

[pellaz]

... I found ... He seems to be a very sweet guy and very caring. But the problem is that he is little effeminate. ... he got emotionally attached to me, and so did i. I love him for his caring and decent attitude. ... I restarted the things yesterday and we got back together.

is "little effeminate" such a BIG turn off. In our daily lives how straight acting can a person these days actually be? Can anyone really do any thing physically constructive, install a new sink in your mother's kitchen? replace an ECU in your car? pour a cement driveway? No, all of us work our 8-5 jobs where we are a part of a team, come home and watch tv.

This is the first time you love someone "for his caring and decent attitude"?

maybe instead of looking for that set of common interests you look for someone that can bring things to the table that complete both your lives. As a couple you two add up to something more than just two guys.

usually you get one come back after asking someone to leave. The second time they really leave. In between the first and second time the dynamics are really damaged. It could take like a year for a couple to form some sort of emotional dependency, is this relationship already too damaged?

[indianajones]

yes it is damaged already. Effiminacy is a big turn off 4 me. I cnt fall in love or get sexually attracted 2 sumone who is overly effiminate. I am not a bit sad about y i broke it up as it was baseless and without any future.

[TomStatic]

emm my honest oppion from my past is
that u may love him emotionaly but thats just a friendship at the end of the day

you would just end up cheating or something

[pellaz]

its a cultural thingy, all good tho

[indianajones]

If i had continued the relationship further, i m sure i would have strayed around and i would never ever think of cheating my partner and earn a bad name to myself. Damn, i am so eased that i finally ended ip up. I came to know through someone that he is feeling hurt. But, i believe he will be better in a while now.