Just getting anxious

[Anonymous]

I'm coming off sounding like I don't care, like I'm the bad guy in these posts.

I think you're right about the intuition, Bowyn. I do my best to keep on going and make this relationship be worthwhile and last, but I'm sure somewhere inside she knows something's wrong.

A lot of our problems stem from beyond just this issue, and I didn't bring them up because I actually never have on this forum and I wasn't really looking to make her look bad.

I don't want to get in to those things, because I don't feel the need to. But I am concerned about the love lost, in a sense. I don't like the idea of starting over with someone new, of losing all the time and effort we both put in to this relationship. Makes it feel like it was all for nothing, and I hate that idea. But on the other hand, I damn near ended it before this man-obsession. Back in the summer when our problems came to a head, I broke up with her for about an hour until I agreed to give her another chance. Even though it would've screwed me over, I still did it anyway and I wasn't driven at that time by the thought of greener pastures.

And I'm trying not to idolize the idea of being with a man, because men and women aren't perfect. I have to really try not to be so self-absorbed, to show interest in something she likes that I normally wouldn't care about, and I have to try and make myself talk. I'm more quiet and introverted in person and she's not, for example.

She's not nearly as independent as you sound, Rainbow. I wish she was. It's not that she doesn't take care of herself or of us, she has a job and she can cook and clean and that sort of basic stuff. It's just, she basically has me at the center of her world and thus wants ALL of my attention whenever we're together, and she still wants me chatting with her online or texting or calling when we're not together. I am a very independent person in the sense that I don't need hardly any personal interaction most of the time.

We both have our own interests, but we rarely do anything seperately when we're together. That might work for other couples, but I just wish I had a bit more alone time than what I currently do now. And maybe I'm just being stupid and petty, because I don't have it bad. I really just end up feeling forced to do what might make "us" happy when we're together because otherwise, I'll feel guilty and she'll feel pouty and guilt-trip me a bit more.

But there's not much I can do about it now, as I've said. It's a wait-and-see situation. I'm just anxious

[Nick9]

Hi Anonymous,

I can't remember if you told us how long you have been living together with your gf. But I admit you sound like a married couple after sever or ten years. It seems that you are tired of keeping the relationship together, you are looking around, but you are not sure yet, if you have enough reasons to leave.
As A.B. pointed out, you talk about bills, a car, a place to live, even though you could have simply said: I love her. You see that she is not very happy, you know that the things she does are not right, but you try to make us see, that they are not as bad as it may sounds.

If you had kids, I would say work on that relationship as hard as you can, it can take years till it gets better, but you are not alone and you have some responsibility and you can't just think about your own well being and pleasure.

But in your case... I don't know. Because it CAN take years, trust me, I know. You can stay together because it is easier for both of you right now (you know the bills, the car...), but she should know about the arangement.

You wrote: I don't like the idea of starting over with someone new, of losing all the time and effort we both put in to this relationship. Makes it feel like it was all for nothing, and I hate that idea

I don't think that your main problem is looking for an experience with a guy. And I think your relationship was getting worse even before you started to have these ideas.
Your current relationship wasn't for nothing for sure. You spent time (probably years) with someone you loved/liked. Not all relationships need to lead to a marriage or to till death make us apart.

Maybe it's time to say goodbye.

p.s. I am sorry about my English.

[jimcrackcorn]

People don't always take the time to experience the various aspects of their sexuality before they settle down with one person. This can be a problem, especially when your bi and have only experienced straight sex.

You want to experiment but your already locked in a relationship, and cheating would only make you feel guilty.

As I see it, there's no easy solution. I would consider all the options and their subsequent consequences (bad & good), and make a decision based on what is best for you and your girlfriend.

As an example:
1. I'd let the fantasy stay as it is, in my head where I can always enjoy it as a wonderful daydream..... Or,
2. Find a way to cheat without your girlfriend finding out,, (which is not my recommendation)
or.
3. Slowly let the relationship dwindle to the point where she kicks you out (this could take years)
or,
4. Tell your girlfriend that you need some space to explore an aspect of your life that is bothering you. Plus find the closest Heartbreak Hotel to live in while she considers which frying pan to hit you over the head with.
or,
5. Call the relationship quits, and go sow your wild oats. Then settle down afterwords.

The first solution is the only one that wouldn't hurt you or your girlfriend. It doesn't take into account that you may still have to deal with this problem in the future if the desire becomes more pronounced.

No easy solution.

Sincerely,
Jim