Relationship issues.. Sigh..

[MidgetGem]

Hm, linked to my last threads/topics or whatever it seems that things aren't going to work out - after having two/three dates with him now we have zero to nothing in common, we both oppose whatever each of us like - for example, I love my motorbikes, he doesnt and see's them as a death trap - He loves going out to clubs/gay bars and getting drunk, I hate it - much more to it than those two examples though as to why it won't work and things are going to be stuck at the friendship stage...

I know I probably shouldn't say the "main" reason but here goes nothing, long before I met this guy, lets call him "Greg" because I don't want to say his real name, I met another guy, lets call him "Dan" and well.. at the time he was in a relationship with a guy so to speak - however he was the only one I really hit things off with and can talk to about anything without feeling like I'd piss him off or annoy him etc - now.. that relationship he was in crumbled a few months back and we became closer but he didn't want to get involved in a relationship with me because of bad experiences yaddy yadda however we'd joke, laugh and talk about it all the time from "naughty" things to common things and well.. I'd really quite fallen for him.

This "infatuation" has grown and continues to do so, and well.. on a recent day out with him to film a video and take photographs as he is also a fellow shutterbug, things kind of happened - as in; out of the blue he hugged me in quite a "flirty" fun way a fair amount of times, insisted on buying us both dinner - that then led to him sneaking in a peck on the cheek and well.. one thing led to another to the point where, because of us both being terribly shy - we ended up just groping each other "there" and quickly "flashing" but nothing more

I really wanted things to work out with "greg" but well, we have nothing in common for it to kick off into something serious.. and hmm.. things with "dan" just felt so right - whether it was a one time thing I'm not sure, I asked what we were doing and if it would/could lead anywhere - his answer was a bit mixed but in short "it might, im not sure because of past relationships, but I'd like it too" - bare in mind we've known each other for a year or two now and I'd rather things go slowly to blossom into something great but well, at the time of all this I hadn't ended things with "greg" and was totally confused and needed closure because I do NOT want to be dating two guys - ultimately, cheating so to speak, it's NOT who I am.

(I've now.. ended the dating cycle etc with "greg" but am still totally confused as to whats going on)

[pellaz]

i can feel your need for the motorcycle, its a virus that once gets hold of your mind you cant let go. Than again the Greg thing would have gotten your dance skills better. It would have reduced the terribly shy thing a little maybe possibly, by meeting someone outside your thinking?
-go with what feels right
-why is it bad to date 2 people, if they both know it
-ask Greg if he wants to go out sometime, if you can fit him in.
-take Dan out to dinner is a must

[Maverick]

If "Dan" is the guy that you like (but he's not ready yet because of prior bad relationships), just go slow with him, remain close friends and when the time is right, I'd suggest going with him to see the Indy movie "Weekend". It's really a great movie (if it's not showing near you, I believe the DVD is going to be released soon) and it focuses on a relationship that really becomes a possible "soul mate" kind of thing. I'd recommend it, and it might start a conversation between you (without you having to push him) with regards to how you feel about him.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I and my partner have very little in common. I like to hike, hunt, camp - he likes to shop, shop and um I think shop. No he has other interests, comic collection, and 'stuff'.

He has a sense of fashion and color. Me - I firmly believe plaid is the only color people need to wear. Plaid is a color - right? :tongue:

He doesn't cook, doesn't eat veg - which is a true waste since I raise so much veg in the garden - the garden he hasn't so much as stepped in for the past 5 years, and then it was to get the dog out of the sweet potato patch....

He is is slob, I am OCD in my neat for tidiness.... His desk is groaning under a load of crap, my desk only has the keyboard, mouse, monitor, cup of pens and pencils and my coffee cup.

I am an avid reader, he loathes books - instead he wants to always watch TV, or just have the damn thing on for noise since he will turn it on then go on his computer, put on his head phones to watch music videos...

He likes to travel, I'm a homebody. He has gone to several places - by himself or with his girlfriend(s). He and his number one girlfriend are planning on a 30 day cruise trip to some god awful foreign country, I think Brittan - whatever, I wouldn't be got dead traveling to a place where they don't speak proper English :tongue:

Despite all of these differences, and so little in common, we actually get along and have been together for now 15 years. We actually compliment each other in many ways.

Here is the catch, We are both willing to compromise and step out of our comfort zones a little. Thus we did take the road trip across half of the USA. He will go camping occasionally with me. Granted that means renting a cabin... close enough.

We have a quite life. We rarely argue, and except for the year from hell, we don't actually fight. We are both comfortable where we are at together, we both know that the other will be there when needed and we also know that we can be who we are without the other getting all in our face and jealous - for instance that cruise ship he plans on being on will have other gays on it, I am secure enough to know he won't mess around.

We are content, which is far more important that the pursuit of constant happiness.

What I am saying is that two people can work well with each other and actually have a relationship and share very little in common. To the point where they take separate vacations.

The key is to let the other be themselves and to do what they want and to take some minor interest and to be willing to go to the game, or go hunting, or even go to the store. I get my hair 'done' not just cut. We go to his stylist instead of my going to a Barber shop as I used to. It is one of our many small packets of time together. I compromised with little complaint. Sharing these little things is more important in many ways than sharing the big stuff.

At the end of the day we both know that the other will be there.

[Nick9]

Nicely said, B.A.
If I have learnt anything from my long term relationship, it is that the most important things are respect and tolerance, not the things we have in common.