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A silent prayer to die
a friend of mine committed suicide -its makes me angry depressed

you must live around people who are difficult

where are you?
When you are in this mind set you have to consciously force your way out of it. It has to come from within. I can't answer any of your questions, you have to do that for yourself. Despair and hopelessness can create a kind of tunnel vision where we fail to see anything else around us. We only want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are some neat things in the darkness. You have to look and you have to find them. They are there.

There's this ancient Chinese story about a village and a donkey. The village was promised great rewards if they built a shrine for the emperor. All excited about the prospect of reward they selected a site. Problem was, it had a well so they decided to fill it. They got a donkey and carted sand and mud.

One day, the donkey got too close, lost his footing and fell into the well. The villagers tried to lift him out, but they couldn't. After so many failed tries, they sadly decided to sacrifice the donkey for the sake of the deadline to complete the shrine. They started to shovel the sand/mud on top of the donkey. The donkey wailed when he realized what they were doing. Burying him alive! He wailed louder. They kept shoveling.

Finally he stopped. The villagers peered into the well thinking the donkey had finally given up, and was dead. What they saw was an alive donkey shrugging off the dirt, stomping it down firmly underneath him. They tossed in more dirt, the donkey packed in down until he rose higher and higher. Eventually he rose higher and higher until he leaped out of the well and ran free.

>sometimes we lose our footing
>sometimes we cause our own problems
>sometimes the dirt just falls on our heads

>you either stomp it down or let it bury you
>you can't dwell on every negative, YOU have to find the positives

So, maybe go have a good cry in the shower and just let it all go down the drain?

You mention kids in your post, go hug on them.
My dad gives the best hugs, I just couldn't do without them.
Think of what your kids would miss. You may think you are only working and they are consuming but why don't you just take a minute and have coffee or something with them and connect? You make that happen. You need them.

I hope you post and talk to us some more. I've been in that dark well before and it is overwhelming, frightening and it can just swallow you up. I hope you come out swinging. Wink

There doesn't have to be a purpose. You just move forward.
[COLOR="DarkSlateBlue"]Deep wells must be dug
If you want clear water
Rose-red oh Rose-red
deep waters don’t run still

~ Rammstein - Rosenrot[/COLOR]

Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next. ~ Jonas Salk

You don't shine by putting out someone else's light.
I'm worried that my initial response may have come off as cold...
just for the record: i don't think this cat is planning on killing himself,
just venting about the slings and arrows like any modern Hamlet should.
he will bear the ills he has rather than fly to others he knows not of.

maybe he'll post again to correct me, but i'm guessing he'll be fine.
Paganism, Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, Taoism, Hinduism, Voodoo... I've studied it all (Got A+ in Religion on my final grade) . I've been depressed all my life, desperately seeking for a meaning but it all just in vein as everything is just an illusion of nothing, to hide your self from the truth that you are nothing. Everything is twisted, no matter where you look. What would religion give my life meaning? As it only requires total obedience to some false god. Who is there to grief over me? I got nothing literally to give, who would ever love me? Most people in my life has already turned they're big blue backs on me, only deceiving and lying. I remembered that the only time I was happy was during my exchange trip abroad, it was so new, so exiting, and everyone was so friendly... until they started to "shove dirt" all over your head. I would more describe this town to be more of coldblooded leaches and vampires then rednecks, although its very cold here... But what difference would it make to move? As a "Friend..." said to me once... You can never skip till the next chapter until you've done with your previous. Everything is just a waste, I've searched so long for what I want, but there is nothing that can fill the void of the soul. Just another year has past, just another year filled with agony to swallow. I used to dream, to get better, to get well... No more not even nightmares, nothing, just as my soul...
I had a simular conversation with my friends lately. I don't really like speaking about it that much as it's quite a depressing subject and I don't want to make anyone depressed. I normaly choose the oposite side to everyone else for instance, if people bring the subject up I'll retaliate with positive responses. Analyse what your saying and use it as inspiration to live. I leave you with a few quotes.

"The modern mind is in complete disarray. Knowledge has stretched itself to the point where neither the world nor our intelligence can find any foot-hold. It is a fact that we are suffering from nihilism." - Albert Camus

"The fact that life has no meaning is a reason to live - moreover, the only one. " - E. M. Cioran

"Imaginary pains are by far the most real we suffer, since we feel a constant need for them and invent them because there is no way of doing without them." - E. M. Cioran

I could spam a whole bunch of quotes... or just a spam a load of text on my views and opinions. But meh.
Rawr Wrote:"The modern mind is in complete disarray. Knowledge has stretched itself to the point where neither the world nor our intelligence can find any foot-hold. It is a fact that we are suffering from nihilism." - Albert Camus

What does nihilism mean?
#17 << clicky.

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