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Become creepy stalker or let go of potential something?
#1
I chatted with this guy on Growlr (gay dating app for bears,chubs,chasers,etc). Initially,I was just looking for fun,and so was he. We arranged to have fun first and see if we want to be a regular fuck buddy. He stressed that he's not into commitment. Later our conversation evolved into more than what fuck buddy was supposed to talk,it got personal,but we enjoyed talking to each other. I later discovered he had history of being manipulated in relationship and that's why he's more into NSA fun now. I myself am not ready to be in relationship,plus I like relationship to be something that just comes instead of actively looking for it. After that,I chatted with another guy who made me realize I wasn't being completely safe with my hook ups. So I started asking questions to my sex partners whether they do bareback and when was the last time they got tested. Then I asked him. He said he did that once or twice. I asked if it was with his ex,and he said he didn't want to discuss about it. I apologize,but then I pushed too far by asking if he has ever get tested since then. The conversation stopped there,and later I discovered that he blocked me. Now,I am a sensitive person,but also straightforward at times. I think my way of asking him was getting a bit too personal and maybe it sounded like I accused/suspected he has disease. I am inexperienced and immature when it comes to this. I honestly didn't think that I was being insensitive,and only realized that when he resorted to blocking me. And I thought we had connected more than what fuck buddies are supposed to. Maybe it was to be friends with benefits instead,I don't know,I just enjoyed talking to him and I could feel his personality is very gentle like me,at the same time I don't want commitment,so it is a good deal too.

Then I did what I could do to track him down. Well,just a google search of his full name (we exchanged full name) and I got his facebook page. Apparently he befriended my cousin's wife,and there's information about his position and workplace,he did tell about his work,just not workplace. Anyway,I could ask my cousin's wife if she has his number and try to contact and apologize to him. But I think I'm being a stalker and about to overstep some boundaries here. Yet I couldn't let him go out of my mind. And I realized that I got infatuated with him. Though I know he won't be into relationship any time soon,but I don't want to just let this connection goes like that. If we met in real life,perhaps it isn't so creepy to meet him face to face to apologize,but now that we met online and haven't even seen each other in person,it is creepy.

I guess most people would advise against what I plan to do and ask me to stay away or move on and let him go. Anybody with different perspective than that?

I realized that every time I follow someone's advice rather than follow my heart,I screwed things up with potential someone. But this heart is asking me to be creepy stalker,even my brain is against it,urgh. I guess other than being creepy stalker,I has nothing to lose too. I already lost any contact with him now,if I do nothing,nothing is gonna happen too. Thoughts?
#2
There was nothing wrong with asking him those questions. Those are things you should know about anyone you're going to have sex with. I don't see how they could be called insensitive, and I don't understand his reaction at all.

That being said - getting his number from a third party and calling him is borderline creepy stalker, given that he's made it clear he doesn't want to talk to you. If he had wanted you to have his number he would have given it to you. The most I'd do was ask my cousin's wife to message him and tell him you'd like to talk to him because you think he may have taken something you said the wrong way. And then it's up to him.

If you feel a need to apologize for the way you said things, fine - but there's absolutely no reason to apologize for the questions.
#3
Adam's right about where you're crossing the line into being creepy and stalking.
[COLOR="Blue"]People should be able to defend what what they believe, do and say.
Otherwise they will begin believing, doing and saying things that are indefensible.[/COLOR]
#4
You're supposed to ask those kinds of questions. If he didn't want to answer, be done with him and move on. Your life/health is at risk here and you're obligated to be a little self righteous when you allow strangers in your bed and in your body. There's no reason to apologize or rationalize yourself to him in further explanations.

You set the terms for whom you sleep with. If he didn't agree to the terms, there's no negotiating.

You'll thank yourself some day when you DON'T have 10 STD's.
#5
memechose Wrote:Adam's right about where you're crossing the line into being creepy and stalking.

WHOA...WAIT...did you say, "Adam's right"?!?!?!?? YOU are admitting that I'M right about something?!?!??!?

OMG... *sighs* I think I'm in love... Malelovies
#6
It's not creepy, stalker behavior to get the contact third party IF YOU END UP TESTING POSITIVE!!!!!

Inexperienced or not, carelessness will get you hurt.

Test long enough to be sure. If you never test positive and you still try to contact...creepy. But hey, he already sounds creepy and you two connected so... ????? hmmmmm
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection...
#7
I know I have my right to ask those questions,but I might have asked it insensitively,I don't know. Well,I have actually asked an online friend of mine to pass message to him,and I suppose if I don't hear from him back,that's that. I met my cousin's wife just now cause there was a family gathering,but I finally decided not to ask about him,partly cause I don't want to lie about how I know him and I'm still in the closet to my family,but I also think if he could easily block me without even considering the fact that we connected for a while in our conversation,he doesn't appreciate it as much as I do and I'm tired of this kind of people that I met online. Hook up should just be hook up,need to learn to separate it from potential date. Thanks people.
#8
CCRox Wrote:It's not creepy, stalker behavior to get the contact third party IF YOU END UP TESTING POSITIVE!!!!!

Inexperienced or not, carelessness will get you hurt.

Test long enough to be sure. If you never test positive and you still try to contact...creepy. But hey, he already sounds creepy and you two connected so... ????? hmmmmm

We haven't even met yet,let alone have sex,obviously even if I end up testing positive,it has nothing to do with him. It is borderline creepy,I'm not gonna ask his contact detail,nor will I visit his workplace.
#9
Anonymous Wrote:We haven't even met yet,let alone have sex,obviously even if I end up testing positive,it has nothing to do with him. It is borderline creepy,I'm not gonna ask his contact detail,nor will I visit his workplace.

whoopsie...my bad...I guess.
Your op first paragraph was not totally clear and sounded like you met once then discussed further then got creeped out.

My point, albeit too snappy, was BE CAREFUL! You deserve the very best of attention from yourself and those around you!! Knuddel
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection...
#10
Adam Wrote:WHOA...WAIT...did you say, "Adam's right"?!?!?!?? YOU are admitting that I'M right about something?!?!??!?

OMG... *sighs* I think I'm in love... Malelovies

Huh?
Refresh my memory if I've ever said you were wrong about something. LOL.

Now that you've said this...
I need to go back to your change the scripts thread and tell you what happened when I said something similar to what Alex said....
[COLOR="Blue"]People should be able to defend what what they believe, do and say.
Otherwise they will begin believing, doing and saying things that are indefensible.[/COLOR]


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