07-30-2014, 10:21 AM
I chatted with this guy on Growlr (gay dating app for bears,chubs,chasers,etc). Initially,I was just looking for fun,and so was he. We arranged to have fun first and see if we want to be a regular fuck buddy. He stressed that he's not into commitment. Later our conversation evolved into more than what fuck buddy was supposed to talk,it got personal,but we enjoyed talking to each other. I later discovered he had history of being manipulated in relationship and that's why he's more into NSA fun now. I myself am not ready to be in relationship,plus I like relationship to be something that just comes instead of actively looking for it. After that,I chatted with another guy who made me realize I wasn't being completely safe with my hook ups. So I started asking questions to my sex partners whether they do bareback and when was the last time they got tested. Then I asked him. He said he did that once or twice. I asked if it was with his ex,and he said he didn't want to discuss about it. I apologize,but then I pushed too far by asking if he has ever get tested since then. The conversation stopped there,and later I discovered that he blocked me. Now,I am a sensitive person,but also straightforward at times. I think my way of asking him was getting a bit too personal and maybe it sounded like I accused/suspected he has disease. I am inexperienced and immature when it comes to this. I honestly didn't think that I was being insensitive,and only realized that when he resorted to blocking me. And I thought we had connected more than what fuck buddies are supposed to. Maybe it was to be friends with benefits instead,I don't know,I just enjoyed talking to him and I could feel his personality is very gentle like me,at the same time I don't want commitment,so it is a good deal too.
Then I did what I could do to track him down. Well,just a google search of his full name (we exchanged full name) and I got his facebook page. Apparently he befriended my cousin's wife,and there's information about his position and workplace,he did tell about his work,just not workplace. Anyway,I could ask my cousin's wife if she has his number and try to contact and apologize to him. But I think I'm being a stalker and about to overstep some boundaries here. Yet I couldn't let him go out of my mind. And I realized that I got infatuated with him. Though I know he won't be into relationship any time soon,but I don't want to just let this connection goes like that. If we met in real life,perhaps it isn't so creepy to meet him face to face to apologize,but now that we met online and haven't even seen each other in person,it is creepy.
I guess most people would advise against what I plan to do and ask me to stay away or move on and let him go. Anybody with different perspective than that?
I realized that every time I follow someone's advice rather than follow my heart,I screwed things up with potential someone. But this heart is asking me to be creepy stalker,even my brain is against it,urgh. I guess other than being creepy stalker,I has nothing to lose too. I already lost any contact with him now,if I do nothing,nothing is gonna happen too. Thoughts?
Then I did what I could do to track him down. Well,just a google search of his full name (we exchanged full name) and I got his facebook page. Apparently he befriended my cousin's wife,and there's information about his position and workplace,he did tell about his work,just not workplace. Anyway,I could ask my cousin's wife if she has his number and try to contact and apologize to him. But I think I'm being a stalker and about to overstep some boundaries here. Yet I couldn't let him go out of my mind. And I realized that I got infatuated with him. Though I know he won't be into relationship any time soon,but I don't want to just let this connection goes like that. If we met in real life,perhaps it isn't so creepy to meet him face to face to apologize,but now that we met online and haven't even seen each other in person,it is creepy.
I guess most people would advise against what I plan to do and ask me to stay away or move on and let him go. Anybody with different perspective than that?
I realized that every time I follow someone's advice rather than follow my heart,I screwed things up with potential someone. But this heart is asking me to be creepy stalker,even my brain is against it,urgh. I guess other than being creepy stalker,I has nothing to lose too. I already lost any contact with him now,if I do nothing,nothing is gonna happen too. Thoughts?
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Aquarius
